- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster the past month…we’ve had other personal issues lately too…not w/each other but things that are affecting one or both of us.
We went to our IVF consultation yesterday. I’m getting ready to O and the RE said we can try naturally but w/DH’s sperm motility not to get our hopes up…and we can start IVF next cycle.
So there is obviously a “timeline” associated with IVF…meaning no Out of Town trips, wine tastings, beer festivals, etc. I’ve tried to discuss this w/DH because I want him to be aware of it…meaning the temporary sacrifices.
Last night he tells me I’m too stressed about the TTC…and I need to relax. I told him I only care about it during O time and when AF is due…I seriously hardly talk about it. I even quit telling him when I was getting positive OPKs to take the pressure off of him.
We have been seeing the RE for 10 months now…I’ve postponed certain parts of the process b/c I was enjoying our lives…so I don’t understand why he thinks I’m pushing it. I’m even considering postponing the IVF a couple of months b/c Father-In-Law is moving here in a couple of weeks and we are also supposed to take a group camping trip in July w/friends. But then my parents are visiting for a while and we’d have to wait until Oct/Nov. It seems there’s always something more important than taking the next step.
He says he misses clubbing, going out drinking, taking walks, and traveling with me…even though we took a 10 day road trip last month. He said I never want to do these things anymore and it’s b/c I’m too stressed about TTC (not true) and burnt out. And how we are letting our lives slip by us…
He then said some “nasty” things about how he doesn’t know who I am at times, I get “all emotional” for no reason at all (he blamed my hormones), and if he didn’t love me so much, he wouldn’t stay in this relationship. He also really wants kids but knows it’s out of our hands, so if it doesn’t happen, he’ll have to accept it…but he doesn’t think I’ll be able to and I’ll become bitter/resentful and eventually leave him.
Before bed, Darling Husband started talking about how infertility affects couples…so I knew he was doing research on it since he NEVER talks about it. I looked at the computer this morning and he was on a site about infertility and how to stay together during it. Since my last marriage ended b/c of infertility, I wonder if he’s worried about us?
My RE called this morning to get the paperwork started. I told Darling Husband and he asked me to make sure to call our insurance co for preapproval and then asked when I’m “going to get big?” I asked WHY and he said he was just wondering. So I’m beyond confused! I’m assuming he wants to know for traveling purposes???
I know I’m venting…but I guess I’m also looking for someone to give me some guidance on this. How do I just let this go when IVF requires certain timing issues??? Even starting NEXT cycle is causing issues since Father-In-Law is expected to arrive during our most impt. appts….normally it wouldn’t be a problem but Darling Husband is his “sponsor” so he has to pick him/family/pets up at the airport, get him set up w/everything, and show him around the various offices….which his company actually has a schedule for and it’s everyday for 2 weeks.