- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
I guess story say starts with my last relationship. It lasted 4.5 years from the time I was 17 till I was 22. Is out two years in he proposed in an unpressured, intimate way. We were young and didn’t have a lot of money. We went down to our local dept store and picked out rings and put thme on layaway. A month before the last payment he changed himinced. He wasn’t ready. Several years later everything can to a halt. I decided, and made it know, I could never marry a man like him. Shortly after it came to an ugly end.
After much soul searching, I moved on. Far before I thought I was ready I met and fell in love with an amazing man. I made two promises two myself.
1. I wouldn’t rush into things
2. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship for longer than two years without a marriage in sight.
For him, I broke both of these rules.
We’ve e recently passed the 3 year mark and we both about to finish school. I recently found out that I have very slim chances of conceiving. Which are not getting any better with age as I am now 25 and he 27. We’ve spoke of marriage, weddings, and children. He has said he didn’t feel we had “time” to get married. Which feels like the biggest bullshit excuse in the world. At first it didn’t bother me, because I chalked it up to him not being ready but trying to be nice about it. But now the excuse is flalling into pieces. When fertility issues come up, he has told me that if I got pregnant he feels like the right thing to do is get married. Yeah, cause expecting parents have so much more free time. We also about to graduate school, start new careers, and possibly get second jobs to help pay student loans. I don’t see our schedules clearing anytime soon.
Okay- here is where it gets really tricky. I found a receipt for a ring. An expensive diamond ring. It was a complete accident and I could never tell him. But that was two weeks ago. just the receipt, with “paid for” written on it. No actual ring has shown up. I’ve been waiting for him to make some sort of plan or hint as to when it might happen. Nothing. I have even try to come up with ideas if fun things we could do this summer. No interest. So no I’m thinking maybe there is no ring. Maybe he had second thoughts and returned it.
And then last night he got upset at me for worrying about the future. He as aid he’s not worried about whatt is going to happen in 6-7 months from now and doesn’t see why I am. He also says he feels like I don’t have and faith in him to be able to provide for me And he feels like I dont rely on him.
SERIOUSLY! If he cant plan to things 6 months from now how the heck am I supposed to rely on him? And he’s my boyfriend. Nothing more. At this point he doesn’t want me to be his fiancée or wife but wants me to be more then a girlfriend. It doesn’t work like that. This cow has not been purchased. And certain emotional, financial milk cannot be given for free.
I feel like im in emotional purgatory and its miserable. And I feel like a I can’t talk him about it because I don’t want to pressure him.
I feel like Im at my wits end.
p.s. this whole thing was typed on my phone. Sorry for any bad autocorrects.