Emotional Roller Coaster – name change

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

I was 100% positive that I wanted to change my name too.  I nearly had a breakdown in the airport the night after the wedding thinking about how that was the last time I’d be using my maiden name, and how big and monumental the name change is!  It was probably partially because it was like midnight, and I was exhausted, but I don’t know if I ever really worked through all the emotions before the wedding.  It was such a no-brainer to me that I didn’t think about it much.  But it’s kind of a huge deal – I won’t be obviously my parents’ daughter at first glance at our names, I don’t share that name with my brother or grandparents anymore.  It’s really weird!  

But even after just about a month now, I’m starting to accept that this is who I am now, this is my name now.  It still feels a little awkward and I have to think about what name I sign my credit card receipts with, but it’s so much easier.  I think it helps that my in-laws are amazing, so it is cool that now I share a name with them.  It still makes me a little sad to have given up my maiden name, my previous identity, but I’ll be the new one soon.

Post # 5
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m going through this too, the grief feels almost like a loss or a breakup. I keep thinking about stuff like, “Oh at my next dentist appt I’ll be Mrs. D, oh at Christmas I won’t share my family’s last name anymore, I won’t be able to reserve a table at a restaurant under my maiden name anymore.” That kind of thing. I am absolutely positivve I will take his name, there’s no question, I just get very sad at the thought of being called something new. And I get sad for my dad too, that it feels like I’m leaving him personally. I know nothing will change but still.

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@NowDontLetsBeSilly:  This is exactly how I feel, too!  I have always known I would take his name, but now the reality of having to actually introduce myself by a new name and having to change my name at work is starting to hit me.  I have also thought about how I will no longer share a name with my parents and brothers.  I’m excited about my new name and about sharing a name with my fiance, but there are definitely a lot of complicated emotions around this process!  

Post # 7
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Sa7208:  This is one of the things thats stressing me out the most! 

I am leaning toward keeping my name and hyphenating with his. The problem is, as far as Im concerned I’ll continue to go by my name, especially professionally (I’m a Dr, I work with spanish speaking families, chaning my name to an American name would have baaad consequences on my credibility with things as simple as “does she really speak spanish” when they see me on a list of providers)

But now Im freaking out bc I don’t want to be called Mrs.HourThyme when my kids friends’ come over. I’m Dr.HispanicName! I know I’m jumping to future things but thats  how I think! haha! Not to mention freaking out about our kids names! WIll the have his? Or hyphenate? I grew up iwth a hyphenated name and hated it. I am getting rid of the second last name when I change my name so I dont know if I want to do that to the kids… 

 

So jumbled! 

Post # 8
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah, you’re not alone – it’s weird.  I have to be honest, I mostly feel slightly embarassed / ashamed that I’m changing it, considering that I’m modern-day, professional, 30-something (only 31 but still), independent, feminist woman.  It seems so 1950s-housewife to change your name, and that’s not me.  Nor is my husband someone who insists I change it, or even really care – although he’s flattered.

BUT: I don’t have an immense love for my maiden name – it’s fine, but it’s not ME ME ME.  I do want our future family to all have the same name.  I hate hypenated names. Therefore, I’m changing it.

I’m trying to feel like it’s “post-feminist” to change it or keep it, either way.  We don’t have to keep it to prove we’re modern independent women, and we don’t have to change it to prove we love our husbands.  We just do whatever’s right for our own situation.

Post # 9
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

@licoricetea3:  @Sa7208:  @Equine_Breeder:  I’m glad I’m not alone too!  

I haven’t had to really introduce myself yet, but I’m sure that’s going to be weird.  I also just realized that I lost a little career advantage – my mom is amazing and really quite well known in her industry, and I’ve worked in that industry a bit too, and when people know I’m her daughter it totally helps!  Now I’ll have to mention it in an aside if I want people to know the connection!  

Post # 10
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I originally thought I would change my name, but I ended up keeping mine (Dh kept his too)

3 years later I am so so glad I did keep it.

Post # 11
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I did, and ended up not changing my name.  People will casually call me Mrs. DH last name and it doesn’t bother me, but ultimately I just couldn’t give up my maiden name. 

Post # 12
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

The Name Change thing seems to be HUGE in some countries vs others.

Here in Canada it isn’t quite a big deal, as one can use whatever name they wish, as long as it isn’t for fraudulent / illegal purposes.

Consequently, women for decades have been finding ways thru this dilemma…

1- Keep your maiden name entirely

2- Follow tradition and take his surname

3- Follow traiditonal etiquette and take his surname, but keep your maiden name as your middle name

4- Take a Hyphenated Version (or you can BOTH do it)

5- Or both take on a new name… be it made up from something of both your pre-wedding names, or something totally new

Truth is change your name or not… at some point in time you will be known as Mrs XYZ (his last name) because being married, and that the more traditonal route, people are going to assume that.

My first marriage (circa 1980) I kept my Maiden Name.  But it was hardly my only name.  I was known socially as Mrs XYZ (his last name… and also the surname of our children)… but then again when we met people, who only knew me, then he was assumed to be Mr ABC.

Honestly, as a couple, you both get quite used to this whole thing.

I also have many friends who have Professional Names (actors, writers, etc) and so infact in some instances they are known by 3 or 4 names… just depends which “social circle” they are in at any one time.

Doesn’t phase em either.

What you do is your own choice (and his)… no one else’s.  So do whatever you are most comfy with.

And BTW, nothing says you have to do it all at once or right away… you may have to pay a fee to change it later, but it can still be done.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 14
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The name changing part is actually the least of my worries. It looks like a lot of work to do, but I’m looking forward to leaving the old me behind. Few memories I’m not keen on keeping around with my maiden name. I’ve already started the name changing process with smaller things, and as the day gets closer I’m getting more and more excited to become Mrs S. I put my new name on this website, that’s how excited I am!

My aunt has been engaged for about 10 years. She has two kids with her FH. A huge majority of the reason why they’re still engaged is because she doesn’t want to change her last name. I’ve told her several times she doesn’t have to, but she doesn’t see it that way. Her kids’ names are hyphened to have both (hers going first as it’s shorter than his) but she’s fully convinced she’ll lose herself and the last 35 years of her life if she changes from Miss M to Mrs W.

It’s different for everyone, I suppose. It feels more like I’m in the minority because everyone seems to be freaking out, where I’m looking forward to saying sayonara to my previous name and starting fresh with the new name.

Post # 15
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

A few times in the past few weeks, I changed my work signature on fake e-mails to myself to see how my new name would look haha! Although I always new I would change my name and I am really looking forward to it, it is a bit stressfull to think about it.

I think it will just take me time to get used to it at first but I’m very much looking forward to not have to spell my long maiden name anymore! It will also be nice to have the same name as our future kids.

The process of changing every single piece of ID is also a bit overwhelming right now but I’ll try to take it one step at a time!

Post # 16
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m not changing my name. I think when you’ve established yourself in a career and gotten all of your higher education under that name, it’s a little jarring to just suddenly go under what I can only deem as an alias. Just my personal thoughts though; I don’t mind when others change their name.

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