Weddingbee boards

My family is frustrating me. My mom doesn't want to have any decorations or anything at the ceremony site or the reception place. Well, that's fine with me, although a little bit disappointing. She doesn't want to have to transport anything, etc. If I suggest any little special touch for my wedding, she then replies, "how much does that cost?!" even though she had offered to pay for anything over my $5000. Yet, when the reception venue suggests the same *special touch* my parents get all interested in the idea(like a candy buffet). However, I don't know why my mom starts flipping out like that when I am willing to pay a little extra myself for the special things:(

Well, then it turns out that  my FMIL and FSIL are really into wedding planning. They really want to decorate the reception venue and ceremony place. They want us to have a candy buffet and a videoslideshow. Do you think I should go for it? I am interested in both things. I don't mind spending a little extra more money for those things, as long as I have the support from my fiance's family. I mean you only get one wedding, right? I have a major sweet tooth and I think the candy buffet and the video slideshow would add extra touches to the wedding. The reception place said they would set up a candy table, etc if I had one. Plus, my FFIL and FMIL can both help create the slideshow thing, etc...scan pictures, etc. The thing is, my DJ has an add on feature in which they can project a slideshow for you, etc.....but thats an extra $250. So I have to figure out if that is needed or not, etc.

Anyways, my frustration is that my own family(like even my sister) gets all negative and defensive about any involvement/suggestion from fiance's side of the family. For instance they will say things like, "how would they decorate if they don't live there?" (Well they USED to live here until recently, and we are ALL staying in a hotel the night before, and you can't decorate until the DAY OF) They also start to say stuff like, What if they don't follow through? (just because of flakiness on other issues, which my family takes personally). 

Anyways, don't you think I should go for it: a candy buffet and videoslideshow? And let my FMIL decorate if she wants to? 

Sorry, I just feel like I need some emotional support. I have no one to talk to. I almost felt like crying earlier. I only get one wedding, and I'd like to have some little special touches, at least a couple, don't you think that's okay?

I also think that (if you can afford it) having the special touches you want is important and you should do it!   This is your wedding and that's different then just your standard party (I had this argument with my FH re: decorations as well). A candy buffet doesn't have to be super expensive.  You can save money on the containers and the types of candy offered.  Also, you could use this as your favour, so if you already have additional favours planned you COULD scrap them if you want to.

I understand your family being upset by your in-laws perceived flakiness.  I actually have somewhat of the same problem.  My family views flakiness as a lack of care issue, so it's been difficult for me to adjust my expectations. If your family is worried that they will be stuck doing the dirty work the night of, that's a valid concern.  Do you have a bridal party?  This is completely something that you can ask them to help with. That way if your in-laws don't actually step up, there is a fall back option.  

I would clearly ask for your in-laws help with "tearing down" any decorations.  If you clearly state your expectations, I think that it's less likely that they will flake off.