Post # 1
Just like many Bees before me, I’m a regular poster assuming this name for the sake of anonymity.
I have struggled with this for years and have waited for something akin to be posted on the boards but I finally decided to be the one to do it. This is hard for me to write.
I was married in 2008 after being with my husband (then boyfriend) for 7 years. We started dating when we were 18. A year before we got married, we broke up for 5 months. No one cheated, no one lied, no one sneaked around, we just stopped communicating about little things (taking trash out, walking the dog, etc) and became opponents. He moved out of our apartment and lived with his brother for 4 months. It was a mutual decision but seeing him leave really damaged me. It was the worst, hardest time in my life and I was granted a stress leave from my job for 3 months after breaking down several times. Neither of us dated or had any “relationships” with anyone during our time apart. We bumped into one another going into the same place at the same time (a coffee shop) and agreed to sit and chat. We realized we missed one another and needed to work things out.
Life has been great since. We got engaged a few months after and worked out all of our twists and struggles. We got married in fall 2008 and something really hard has started to happen.
Sometimes I remember our breakup and it bothers me so much I experience crippling physical pain and cannot breathe. Sometimes I look at him and I sob so hard I gag. It’s so long behind us, but it still makes me sick to think about being without him, and how much it hurt me. It tore me to pieces. We have been husband and wife for almost 2 years now but my heart has no healed. My insides are still destroyed. I have talked to him about it and he is very supportive but doesn’t understand why it still hurts so bad after so long. It was 3 years after all.
Can anyone identify with this? When will the hurt stop? How does the hole heal?
Post # 3
If after all this time you are still feeling this way you really should talk to someone about it. Does he know about this he might be the best person to talk to.
Post # 4
Sounds like you an anxiety issue- a therapist should help you get through this. It is an easy enough problem to work through- and you shouldn’t have to live life with panic attacks. No big deal- this is fixable!
Post # 5
It sounds like you are having panic attacks. Are you noticing any of the same things or feelings that were happening when you stopped communicating before you broke up? If not, sometimes it just traumatic feelings come up to the surface and maybe you are just now dealing with them. You should absolutely make an appointment to speak with someone. You don’t have to feel like this!
Post # 5
Yeah. I think that you have some serious issues left over from this situation. 3 years is a long time for emotions to still be as strong as you are describing. You should very seriously consider seeking out the help of a professional. I used to see one when I was in high school and the coping mechanisms she taught me are still valuable to me and still work.
Post # 6
I agree it sounds like you may be having panic attacks and I don’t know if this can be applied to the situation but post traumatic stress disorder is what came to my mind. It seems to me like you’re reliving that stressful time in your life over and over and are having severe anxiety with it. Seeing a professional can only help, I would do it right away.
Post # 7
Wow, I think post traumatic stress might be it….. its not the same types of feelings I had before we broke up, but I think everyone who said they might be panic attacks are probably right
@mishelleez, yes, he does know. He tries to help me through it but I can see why it’s hard when its not getting better.
Post # 8
I would recommend seeing a therapist. They also might recommend you take some medication to assist you in getting over this.
As someone who suffers with an anxiety disorder, I can say that medication is helping me deal with a lot of things, and I also see it as a temporary solution. I’m working through some of the things that set me off into panic mode, and I’m gradually reducing my dose slowly over time, and it’s going well.
However, because you have one certain thing that triggers you, I would recommend talking about it with your husband, and also tell him that you think you’d like to look into professional help so you can work through it in a healthy way. I think just telling him will be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, and then discuss the possibility of therapy.
Post # 9
Sounds painful. Just remember, there is no shame in seeing a therapist! =)