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I'd tell my FI and family that I'm really close to losing my mind and that I truly need their support. You have WAY too much on your plate. With the stress, you'll probably lose the 10 lbs without much effort! Which isn't good. Just remind your FI of his tasks, if he drops the ball, let him fix it. That's what I did, when he realized I would let him screw it up before I rescued him, he miraculously managed to get things done. Strange how that works, huh? And tell him to get over the mess! Jeez.
As far as your BM, you kinda have to speak up. If you want her in a jersey dress, she should just wear a jersey dress. It'll probably be more comfortable anyway! Just tell her nicely that this is what you'd really like her to wear. Hopefully she won't continue to protest!
Is there anyway you can have professionals do any of the other things? Or are you on a super strict budget that doesn't allow for it? What might help you the way it helped me was to look at the calendar and designate a day to each task. When I did that, it wasn't so overwhelming because it ended up not taking as many days as I expected. I also consider looking into other stylists that can do hair and make-up, check out reviews first though! If you're not good with make-up, anyone with experience would be a benefit to have there! Maybe even check out the make-up counters at your local department store/mall. A lot of them do freelance work and its not too expensive.
And understand that this is a stressful experience so you're not going crazy. It will be over soon, try not to hurt anyone :)
When I told my mom and my sister that I needed help they both called me a Bridezilla and told me to calm down. They also said it is a wedding, not the end of the world so whatever doesn't get done won't matter. My mom went on to say I should have been planning better and it isn't their fault they are busy 
So, yeah, I have pretty much decided they are useless. Though my mom is finishing up her Master's so she doesn't really have the time for this stuff until Jully, but I doubt she will help much even then.
I will talk to the FI today, it is just last night I was angry and fairly tipsy (good wine though!) so I didn't want it to turn into an argument because it would have been a yelly/screamy type of thing even though the message I want to get across is he needs to get his stuff done.
I asked my other BM to help and she said she works late and is out of town every weekend for the next month, but afterward could help out. Yeah I am pretty much going to tell her tonight "Look, I'm only buying x, y, or z dress. Pick it or you can show up naked."
I'm over budget, so everything left is out of my pocket. I WAS in budget until my caterer decided to screw me over by telling me they decided to sell all their linens and china because it was to much upkeep for them. Now I have to rent everything which is an additional $500 I wasn't expecting. Oh and we can't use a different caterer because we paid an $800 deposit and she is my mom's "friend". That an the FI's mom offered to pay for the rehersal dinner/tuxes, but has now decided she can't afford to, so I rolled that in with the budget which will eat up the $2500 I was saving for all this last minute stuff. So, now my mom is PISSED I have spent the budget, but 90% of the expensive stuff was because she refused to go anywhere else! I could have had a different venue, caterer, and DJ and saved myself at least $3,000, but she wouldn't budge. So if she is angry at anybody, it better be with herself.
I will check around the makeup places this weekend just for a backup plan. That and start calling people for bridal hair which I will do Thursday. I like the calendar idea! That sounds like what I need.
And yes, I will sure try to keep my emotions in check. :-)
Let me start by commiserating. I am less than 3 weeks out, and trust me. I feel you. I am SO there. Last night I came home and a couple dishes came out of the dishwasher still dirty, so I took an Ativan and drank a beer before going back to my tasks. It was just the stress-straw that broke the camel's back, and I had to take a minute to cope. I'm also feeling this weird pain in the back of my head every time I think too hard about the wedding. LOL....
But here's a little hope for you: "We only have a month before our RSVP deadline and I have gotten back maybe 7 out of the 80 invite we sent out! That, also, is driving me crazy since I will need to call whoever doesn't send back in a month and I REALLY don't feel like spending hours calling 73 people."
Don't worry about that yet. When we had one WEEK to our RSVP deadline, I still had 15 rsvps out. The day after the deadline, we'd received all but 2. People really will wait until the last possible minute. It's absolutely annoying, but give them a chance and they might surprise you. So let that go for now.
Good luck!
Damn, girl, you've got a lot on your plate but try to calm down, bc you can definetly get it all done, you still have some time.
First of all, caterers are notoriously flaky. Keep calling and emailing, like, every day until you get a response. Hopefully she'll be able to work out a menu that is within your budget, shouldn't be difficult to do in your area!
Tell your FH that this is his wedding as much as it is yours, you've given him these tasks to do and it is his responsibility to get 'em done! No other option, just get it done, make it happen and soon.
The bridesmaid will wear what you pick out for her, so just tell her that you want her to wear the jersey dress and that's that. If she doesn't like it and tells you so, sorry but she's a total bitch.
Don't stress about RSVPs yet, those won't come in until right around or a little bit after the deadline, so put that on the back burner for now.
And finally, here's what I suggest in order to keep yourself sane. Make a master list of the things that need to get done and try to check off one thing each day, even if it's just "Call make-up artist" or finish 5 paper flowers. This helps, I promise.
You're gonna get through this and the best part is, you're getting married!!! Just try to focus on one day and one thing at a time! Best of luck!!
Hahaha, actually I just estimated what it would cost to cancel the whole damn thing with lost deposits and it would be $2300. I have that money to pay back to my parents easily and we could always still have an "immediate family only" ceremony up at his parent's lakehouse.
When I figured that out, all my stress suddenly went away. I ran it past the FI and am waiting to hear back. Honestly, I'd rather have a small ceremony and go spend a week in Cancun then deal with all this right now. :-)
Phew - you are a busy lady! Okay, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth - nice and deep. It's going to be okay. Miss Trail Mix has given beyond excellent advice: listen to that smart lady! I'm not sure how you went about choosing your "wedding elves" (helpers like mom, sister, etc), but I'd have a quick convo with them to see if they even *want* to help. It majorly sucks if they don't, but f they aren't interested you'll just end up constantly frustrated. There may be other people in your life though who are chomping at the bit to do something for you - hit them up! Once you figure out who's willing to step up (and this just has to be your FI, he doesn't really get a choice) show them your master to-do list. You can assign them tasks or ask them what they want to do. Give them a firm due date and let it go for awhile. I didn't let go and I was stuck at home finishing things the night before the wedding while everyone was out at the after-RD party (and texting me to come join them! Gah, don't even get me started!)
Jennifer is right on about the calendar idea. I used different colored boxes to assign tasks to each day and when something was finished, I changed the text to white. Also, if something didn't get done, I was able to move the box to another day. I couldn't attach the PowerPoint calendar that I used last year, but can PM it to you. If you want, I can make you a blank template for the next two months, just PM me. We feel your pain, honey - know that you can do it and you can do it sanely!
I'm sorry your going thru this. take a breath and break down the tasks in bite sized pieces in order of priority. And yeah your BM is completely out of pocket.
I was no where near the level of planning you are at so I decided earlier (at least for this year) to scale back and have a small private cermony of less than 12 of us. I'll plan a larger affair next year. Aside from the budget concerns its woes like this which I'm not looking forward to.
Stay focused I'm sure the day will ultimately go without a hitch and all this will be memory.
Definitely don't stress about your RSVPs... 1 week after our due date, we had to track down about 20 out of 130 cards. So just put that one on the back burner.
Tell your FI you're going crazy and that he needs to accomplish his task list. Give him some reasonable due dates for each task and get him on board. It's his wedding too, and unless he LIKES "Crazed Fiancee" he should probably help you out.
Email/call your caterer every day until you get a response. Be nice, ala, "Just checking in, hope to hear from you soon!" but do it every day. Your caterer will get tired of hearing your messages and will get back to you.
Last, make a list of all this stuff you have to do. Prioritize it. I made a list of my "to-dos" about a month ago, and it feels soooo good to cross stuff off that list, a major stress relief. Prioritizing will also help you in the event that you have to drop some of those DIY projects at the last minute.
Oh!! Definitely check makeup counters and ask about free lancers! I got my makeup artist for my girls this way- only $40/girl and that includes lash application!
Wow, I just got the response back from my caterer:
in order to get it down to $30 a plate she is cutting out two entrees, reducing the meat to the cheapest cut, and nixing all the appetizers and drinks. Her response was "I didn't realise you were having a cheap reception or I would have never recommended appetizers." Did she just seriously call me cheap?! Sorry, I don't think $55 a plate for one salad, one side, 2 chicken dishes, beef, macoroni cheese, and chips and dip served in a buffet is worth it.
I asked if I could bring my own appetizers for the cocktail hour and she said "No. How do you expect me to stay in business?" Umm...your the one that said no apps because you refuse to go less than $5 a person for CHIPS AND DIP!! I'm SO pissed off.
I'm looking at around for other caterers. She can take her $500 deposit and choke on it for all I care.
UPDATE:
So yeah, fired the caterer and I am better. My BM actually had a short purple dress in the same color of dress my sister is wearing....so I didn't have to buy her a dress! AWESOME! I finally had it with my FI and told him to shape up or ship out. Needless to say tuxes are picked, fittings are mostly done, invites are sent, AND he even helped me cut out butterflies and is completely handling the cardbox.
Now that my mom is done with her Master's Degree (I'm so proud of her!) ALL she wants to do is talk about the wedding. She has been keeping on top of me, so my list is getting done! Plus she took over half of the rest of my To-Do list and made my sister even take over some stuff. Awesome!
Oh and I get to go camping/rafting this weekend because everyone decided I was too stressed out and needed a break from my bridal brain.
So....things get WAY better. :-D
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So I have a tiny bit less than two month to our wedding and I really feel like no one gives a damn anymore. I have a million things to do and when I try to assign tasks, EVERYBODY drops the ball.
The caterer is a nightmare. We met with her to discuss the meal plan and picked out which foods we would like. We got the quote back and it was $48 a plate for 130 people. Yeah, I budgeted $4000 at most, so I revised our list and sent it back to her for a new quote. THREE WEEKS AGO! I've called, but always get her voicemail. Since she caterers for my mom and dad all the time for various event I put my mom in charge of getting the new quote two weeks ago. My mom has sent her two emails, but hasn't even tried calling her! It frustrates me to no living end.
I'm trying to get the FI to deliver his last four invites, order the groomsmen gifts, and schedule a time to get the party suited up. I gave him this list a month ago. Has he done ANY of it? Of course not. He even had the nerve to ask if I could just do it. I have PLENTY on my plate.
I am going with my other BM today to get her wedding dress....since I have been bugging her for three months now and finally just decided to abduct her to go shopping. My sister is in a jersey DB floor length dress that is pretty, so I told her we could look for something similar. She wrinkled her nose and said "Eeew, jersey? I'm not wearing that. I want satin or taffeta." Great, so I'll have one shiny BM and one matte BM. We'll see what happens tonight.
My list of projects are: Ceremony music, reception music, order napkins, rent linens, plan out ceremony (since my cousin is officiating I have to pretty much figure out what goes where), finish sewing my rehersal dinner dress, make the tissue paper flowers, finish cutting out butterflies, finish making the beading for the cake, hair/makeup trial, get our playlist to the DJ, go in for my second fitting (which I haven't even scheduled), and make all the centerpieces. On top of ALL that I am trying to drop 10 more pounds and also trying a new brand of skincare products to hopefully clear up my face.
My hair and makeup trial is stressing me out because the lady that was suppose to do it won't retunr any of my calls and my backup lady might be out of town that week on vacation. Plus my second lady doesn't do makeup and I suck at makeup, so I'm just like "What else?"
I haven't been sleeping well lately because of stress and wedding nightmares. Plus I am on call this week at the job, so I get woken up at various times throughout the night. Our kitty goes in for tooth extraction this morning, oh and the fiance says the house is a mess and I need to get my sewing stuff cleaned up even though I AM STILL WORKING ON IT!!
Everytime I try to ask my BM, sister (MOH), mother, or FI to help out, they are all too busy or it just "isn't important, so don't stress". Now I'm trying to figure out which decoration to cut because I just don't have the time...but why should I have to?!?! If I could get just ONE weekend of help most my list would be gone!!
We only have a month before our RSVP deadline and I have gotten back maybe 7 out of the 80 invite we sent out! That, also, is driving me crazy since I will need to call whoever doesn't send back in a month and I REALLY don't feel like spending hours calling 73 people.
Seriously I am about to lose my mind. Last night I was working on my dress and ended up sewing along a line I wasn't suppose to and I just started bawling (Even though it is easy to rip out). I gave up, grabbed the bottle of wine I was nursing, and played flash games on my computer. When my FI got home he asked why I was upset and I said the wedding is stressing me out. He asked "why is it stressing you out?" I just wanted to scream "BECAUSE NO ONE CARES BUT ME!" but I just said I was upset and didn't want to talk about it. I thought a good night's sleep, but I had nightmare's where I hated my mother and ended up strangling her and that kept me up all night.
Sorry, I just need to vent. I know we all have wedding stress, but occassionally it feels good to just get it out and honestly I feel like you guys are the only ones that DO care because we are all in the same boat. Even though I feel like mine is sinking.