- 3 years ago
Some background: My husband and I met in 2009. We were both 19 and I was his first serious relationship. We faced drugs, emotional insecurities, & breakups and still managed to reconcile and come out on the other side together. I transfered jobs and relocated over an hour from all family/friends so that we could be together. We were engaged for two years, and have been married for about two years as well.
For the past 8 mo. or so we had been going through a hard time in which my spouse was both emotionally abusive and neglectful. I tried to arrange dates that he would invite his friends to, or ask to go to breakfast together which he would attend in angry silence at being pulled away from his daily video games & he would end up playing games on his phone the entire time anyway. He refused to attend the one event with my family that I would have been able to attend last year (Christmas Eve). I spent New Year’s with our cat while he was partying with friends. I was the butt of jokes and cruel nicknames which he would use passive aggressively in my presence and then refuse to discuss the meaning of, etc, etc.
I felt unloved, unwanted, disrespected, and lonely.
Durning this period, and after 2 years of having moved to his city (socially challenged), I had finally started going to coworker breakfasts and really enjoyed myself. Attending these breakfasts which included male coworkers earned me the nickname of “Tramp” in my household… I invited my spouse to go with me and tried to explain how I was feeling (via talking, yelling, crying). My attempts were blatently ignored.
I knew our relationship was in serious trouble when his responses stopped hurting my feelings. At this point, I asked him to attend couples conseling with me multiple times and got, “I will never go to counseling” and “If you have a problem with our marriage, hand me the divorce papers”. I was told there would be no change. Deal with it or get out.
I shut down emotionally and did something I never though I would do. I grew too close to a coworker and I cheated.
My spouse drastically changed his behavior when I presented him with divorce. He explained that his work schedule was responsible for not spending time with me. He started communicating, cleaning around the house, telling me everything I have ever wanted to hear from him. Even after finding out about me cheating, he still wants to work it out telling me that he feels partially responsible and telling me that he loves me… I sincerely believe him but I’m stuck.
I feel nothing when we’re together even intimately. I feel compassion for him as a human being and can enjoy his company, but cannot even tell him that I love him with honesty.
Around him, I feel so empty and cold. I don’t know if I should keep dragging this out which is painful for him or to let our marriage go.
Does love come back once it’s gone?