(Closed) Encore bride vent

posted 7 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
6639 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Pffffft.  I hope you can learn to ignore that.  It’s your wedding.  And I think those of us who went thru bad prior marriages (my ex is an abuser) have really earned the right to have it our way.

I wouldn’t put any energy into other peoples’ negativity.  It’s your day, I think you should have the wedding you & your FH want.

Post # 4
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s my second and FI’s first and we’re doing the whole shabang.  At first I felt dumb about it, but I didn’t want to cheat my FI and his family out of a big, fun wedding.  I’ve gotten some comments from my uncle and my grandma and a couple friends have made comments oh and my cousin keeps joking about “next time you get married do this”.  I try to laugh it off, but it does really hurt and I know it hurts my FI.  And I try to not feel dumb or embarrassed about having another wedding.  My FI deserves to have that experience whether I already have or not, just the same as your FI.  I don’t know what to do about the comments from people, but I’ll sure be glad when the wedding is done so I don’t have to hear them anymore!

Post # 5
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just got married (my 3rd marriage as well) on August 28.  My first 2 marriages were mistakes.  This time I got it right and have married the most loving, caring, kind-hearted man in the world.  He treats me like he loves me and shows me everyday how much he loves me.  I too wanted to just have something simple, a few close friends in our backyard or even to elope to Vegas or something like that.  This was his first (and only! lol!) wedding and was agreeable to something simple but my MIL was very disappointed and wanted something a little bigger (her only son, big Italian family).  We agreed to let her have some say and ended up having 73 people at a backyard wedding (her backyard which is very large and beautiful).  It ended up costing us (I did a lot of DIY) around $4000 (mostly for catering and rentals such as tables, chairs, dishes, etc) and I am glad that we did and I am pretty sure in the long run, my husband is glad too.  We didn’t do the big Italian wedding (Catholic church ceremony and all!) like my MIL wanted but we compromized and I think everyone was happy in the end.  My mother was not very supportive either.  She made me feel at times like she was thinking “been there, done that”.  But I didn’t let it bother me (until we were opening up our cards the day after the wedding and the only card that didn’t have a wedding gift or money with it was from my mother, it was very hurtful that she didn’t even feel it right to give us a little something).

So no regrets here on having something larger than what I originally wanted.  Try not to let anyone’s opinion stop you from having what you and your future husband want.  Don’t let anyone make you feel anything but great about marrying the man of you dreams in anyway you decide!

Kim

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

Do what you want to do. This is the 3rd for both of us and I wanted a smiple ceremony. Not only are we encore, we are older. HE wanted a party and celebration. Of course it did not take much to twist my arm. LOL I’ve gotten a few comments but as he says….this is our first wedding to each other. I think it is very cute that he is even more excited sometimes about the whole wedding. He has particpated in planning and the whole nine. I call him my very own groomzilla. LOL

Enjoy every moment of YOUR celebration and try not to stress.

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do as you please obviously… but just to play devils advocate… Ive been part of a family who has been through serial weddings.. My dad to be exact.. and by the 3rd everyone was a little jaded.  It is nothing against you or your excitement its just weve been there weve done that… My attitude towards the whole thing was great do whatever is going to make you happy… but really I could care less about the whole spectical… i understand your mom is being a little shitty about the whole situation and I cant imagine how hard it must be… but cut her a little slack, shes seen you go through a lot and shes probably got her guard up higher than you will ever imagine… and 3rd time is not always the charm… or at least it wasnt in my dads case…

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@eseds oi! I cant believe you said that….I completley agree with you though.!!

Post # 10
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t know there were rules for second marriages. A wedding is a wedding to me. It doesn’t matter if it’s your 10th time! There is nowhere that says you only get one wedding per lifetime. I mean, we all hope it’s one wedding per lifetime, but stuff happens.

Post # 11
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Miss Tattoo I agree but for a lack of a better word…why make a big specital about it. If someone is getting married for the 15th time, why drag all the friends and family through it again when its the marriage you should be celebrating…you can do that by eloping or doing a small civil ceremony.

Im simply playing devils advocate here and dont totally agree with what i am saying. I just have to agree with eseds a bit though…after awhile the “moment” of the wedding disappears. Its not to say the family isnt happy about the marriage…its just that the whole, white dress, (or any colour), centerpieces and stuff over and over again, loses the sentimentatlity and it has just become, well, a spectical.

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Baileyh: I agree. By no means should you be having bridal showers, bach. parties, huge over the top weddings, ect. It seems like the OP is doing it the sensible way, but I don’t think it’s fair for her mother or anyone else say “Just go to the courthouse and get it over with.”

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Miss Tattoo I agree the mother was totally out of line to say “get it over with” but i think suggesting just going to a court house wasnt entirely out of line. If she has gone and participated in her daughters wedding TWICE already!

Post # 14
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Baileyh: but what about the groom who didn’t have a wedding? Do we just say eff it because the bride has been there done that?

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Miss Tattoo

No no if the groom wants the whole shebang then yeah they should do it….but i was more directing to this specific instance where the bride is hurt that her mom said that comment, when in all reality I feel it was justifiable. I mean its not the marriage the mom was pushing aside it was just another wedding.

 

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Baileyh: ahh, gotcha. ha ha ha. The evils of text.

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