Post # 1
Well, the title says it all. I’m getting married; again. Most people are fantastic and very supportive, understanding that I had a really bad go of things in the past (cheating, addictions, etc.). I’ve finally found someone amazing, and I guess I just want to do it right this time in a sense, with the right person. I hope this makes sense.
Initially, we were talking about eloping, but it’s my FI’s first wedding and his family would freak if they missed it. My family wants to be there as well, and my dad still wants to walk me down the aisle. There are a number of other people that really want to be there as well, much to my surprise! So we decided to have a formal destination wedding including everyone close that wants to go. That translates into about 40 people so far.
Anyway, as I said, most people are extremely supportive, and emphasize to me that I finally have a solid relationship that I should be happy about, and to just plan and enjoy the wedding. However, there are those few that can’t help but insert some snarky comment that tends to sting a bit. Like about the fact that my dress is white, or that the wedding will be formal (some people feel that it should be casual). I can’t think of everything at the moment, but those subtle comments sometimes just really hurt.
I know that even those getting married for the first time have to deal with all sorts of opinions. I also know that it’s the SO, not the wedding, that is important. But we have our reasons for planning our wedding a certain way, and in part I don’t want to short-change my FI as well!
Anyway, sorry for the long rant. Any other “encore brides” dealing with the same or similar issues? I would love to hear your stories if you care to share 🙂
Post # 2
GrumpytheDwarf: Oh dear, people are just jealous that you get a second chance at happiness, and maybe they wish they could do stuff over. Have your wedding and let your FI have his wedding he never had. Be happy, you need happiness in life, everyone does.
As for the haters comments, formal wedding have if you want , your FI wants a wedding with his close friends and fam, so do so. White dress…haha it’s a myth about the white, it doesn’t mean virgin bride, it doesn’t mean first time bride…where do people make this stuff up? lol
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
GrumpytheDwarf: has my mother been calling you too?! Sheesh!
Post # 5
GrumpytheDwarf: One of the things about being an adult is that if you are going to do things that are even slightly out of the ordinary, you will likely hear about it from family. Not necessarily friends but yep, the family members will comment.
Personally, I am not a fan of most big white weddings so my reaction to someone doing that for the second time around is ummm, why? I doubt that I would come.
All I can remember in this vein is that when my cousin, married once or twice before, had The Big White (and tacky) wedding for her last one becuase she wanted to do it right this time, that marriage lasted no longer than the others.
I also do not automatically think, as does a pp, that people are “jealous.” that’s is a knee-jerk reaciton on this board, but whatever.
But here is the main thing: it does not matter what I think. If your destination wedding is a faraway place where people have to take an airplane to get there, you have a lot of loving supporters if 40 have already signed up. Good for you, and good luck!
Post # 6
GrumpytheDwarf: I think no matter the occasion/situation in life you’re always going to encounter some douches with their unwelcome comments. As hard as it is you just have to ignore these people and keep your distance. It’s great though that most of your family and friends are really happy for you and excited to attend your wedding! I wasn’t an encore bride but it was my DH’s second marriage/wedding. No one was rude to our face about it (except one drunk friend before we even got engaged asked him if he’d feel silly having a ceremony and saying vows again. lol, no he would not.) Most were really, really happy for him as he also did not have a good run the first time with her having left for another man not long after the wedding etc. We had a formal wedding with all the usual stuff you’d expect and I would never have dreamt of doing otherwise purely because it was his second marriage. Ours is no less valid or worthy because he was married before. After having organised the wedding though I did say to him that I don’t know how he could do it twice because it was so much work! Never again, lol.
Post # 7
GrumpytheDwarf: I feel for you as I have had some of the same comments especially from my mother. I started off planning a very conservative type affair which isn’t really me but wasn’t happy. I remember saying to my bridal consultant that I wanted an understated dress as it was my second wedding and she looked at me and said just rember it’s the first time you are marring each other so celebrate! She was right – I am now having six bridesmaids and the dress of my dreams and we are dispensing with all the traditions we don’t care for whatever anyone else thinks! Now I am older I have the confidence to ignore those trying to rain on my parade so stick with what you are doing girl!!
Post # 8
Honestly, some people just get off on being Captain Etiquette. Personally, I think that if you have the money for something and it’s important to you, you should go for it. Life is a limited commodity, so you may as well make the most of it. If they don’t like your ideas, they can do everyone a favor and not come.
Post # 9
Some people just love to rain on everybody else’s parade. I don’t buy into the whole “but a second wedding must be tiny and understated or OMGGGG!” because as someone else said, it’s your first time marrying each other and besides, it’s YOUR wedding. You can have whatever kind of event feels right to you. All the tongue-clicking just seems like it reinforces a whole lot of disgusting, outdated views about women that I won’t go into here but all I will say is screw the naysayers–it’s your wedding and your life. If you want to wear white, then do it. If you want all the bells and whistles, go for it. And enjoy it!
Post # 10
Don’t let them hurt you some people have no filter between their ass and their mouth. Do what makes you happy and don’t invite the nay sayers.
I know someone who has been married for 14 years and she made a comment once about how she would never marry again if she and her husband split. She recently found out some really shady fu(ked up shit about him and sure enough, she stayed. Life is a bitch and has a funny way of letting you know that there are some things that only she can control. You can have a one time lifelong marriage but how much are you willing to sacrifice?
Post # 11
I feel the same way and I was never married! I was engaged and three months from my big wedding back home where I grew up. My ex called it off because I was dx with an illness and he couldn’t deal with it. I thoughtepode would be excited for me this time around, since I found a great guy. But no one seems interested. I feel like people are more excited for my friends wedding that’s a month after mine. I’m kinda in that f@*k it stage. I’m so over rude people I decided I’m done being nice and putting others before me.
Post # 12
Strawberryshmoo: I was thinking the same thing. My mom was the least supportive person about my encore wedding…now marriage.
Post # 13
AAAAWWWW How wonderful that you have found your true love and want to celebrate in a major way, I think that’s amazing. I’m an encore bride who is having a destination wedding too (just the 2 of us though) im wearing a big white dress, and a veil and all the trapping that I love (I’m a wanna be princess) someone once said life is made up of 2 dates and a dash, make the most of that dash! Good luck and don’t let anyone bring you down EVER!!!
Post # 14
GrumpytheDwarf: I would just totally ignore people like that. When they realize that they are being completely ignored, they will stop making comments and move on to someone who cares what they think/say.
Post # 15
I am a third times a charm bride and therefore have very few supporters which I have come to accept and honestly figured would happen. My first marriage was young, dumb, abusive & he cheated multiple times so I divorced him. My second was unfullfilling as he was a workaholic, self centered and showed me zero emotional or physical affection and after 10 years it took its toll so I divorced him. My mother is the worst offender but I also realized that would happen since she has always been negative and not very supportive of anything I do in life. She went so far to tell me in front of my fiance and other family members that I would be cut out of the will if I married again. Well, thankfully I have a thick skin and have supported myself financially since I was 18 so I don’t really care if I’m in the will or not. My fiance did go to my parents and ask them for permission to marry me and he did get it…however I’m not sure they would have actually told him no since they really do love him. Its me they are disappointed in with all my failures. I also have one close friend who insists I don’t need to marry everyone I’m with. She has the impression I marry every guy I’ve ever been with which is completely false…I know where her negativity stems from though. She has never been married or even been asked by anyone so I’m pretty sure its down right jealousy which is sad but unfortunately true. Fortunately my fiances family & his friends are all extremely excited since its his first marriage and I have a few close friends that have been very supportive so I just ignore the harsh comments and focus on the positive one’s