Encore brides, was/is it hard not to compare this wedding to your prior one?

posted 3 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My first wedding was so long ago, and even at the time I did know it wasn’t right.  I just wasn’t mature enough to admit it.  The whole in love with the thought of being in love. 

 

Anyhow, I don’t talk about my prior wedding with FI although it has come up a few times.  He is super mature and doesn’t get upset about it.  Things that are being done differently: 

 

I made a lot of compromises with my first wedding.  I worried more about others being happy.  This time around it’s about us and I’m worried less about hurt feelings. 

 

I’m cutting the guest list down.  It isn’t about who we “should” invite but who we want to be there. 

 

We are NOT going with a cheap photographer. 

 

We ARE getting a DJ.  To cut costs during my first wedding we didn’t have one.  However FI and I really want to dance and we want guests to dance.  A DJ will keep the crowd going much better than a music list.

 

Most importantly, we are going to have fun with it.  This is about us.  Things that represent us.  That’s all I can think of for now.  🙂 

Post # 4
Member
3432 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My second wedding was different from my first in large part because I was planning it with a different FI.  The first wedding, I wanted it to be very small, but he insisted on inviting everyone up to and including second cousins.  The second wedding, we had only a dozen guests, which I much preferred.  The first wedding, we skipped music and dancing, because the groom was quite hard of hearing and music drowned out conversation for him.  The second wedding, I got to have music and dancing at the at-home reception, three days after the wedding.  The first wedding, the groom picked low-priced photographers who sent us proofs and then disappeared, so we had no professional photography.  The second wedding, we ended up with some lovely photographs.

But I also think that having been married before helped me to put the wedding day into perspective.  A wedding is exciting primarily because it is the first day of your married life.  But whether the wedding day goes well or badly has very little to do with whether the marriage itself works out.  So I didn’t stress the small details of the wedding, but focused more on the fact that our married life was beginning at last.

Post # 5
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas

The first time was your typical wedding. This time around it was just the two of us. We got married in Vegas and didn’t have to spend a bunch of money. 

Post # 6
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

my dh and i were both encores.  we both were married quite a while ago so styles, colours, etc were all so different this time.  we just didn’t want the same month as last time.  we were actually married on the exact same day back in 1998.  same city too, just a few blocks apart.

Post # 7
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My ex and I eloped in Las Vegas so there will be NO comparison. This wedding will beat it even if half of everything goes wrong. I wasn’t in love then, I was young and stupid for the most part. This time I know what I am doing and what I want and that is him. All I care about is the “you are now husband and wife” part.

Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was 21 when I married the first time. It was a church wedding and the guests were mainly family and work-friends of the parents. All of our friends were pretty much IN our wedding. Married in a Baptist church and the reception was held on the premises as well. So, no drinking and no dancing (none, not even “1st dance” or “father-daughter”.) That whole day is such a blur (well, it was a long time ago, nearly 23 years, but even 6 months later, it was like a foggy dream.)

 

Now I’m 44 and the next wedding will be a secular, outdoor combination wedding/reception/cookout/party.  Very brief ceremony, very amazing reception party. Music, laughing, food, booze, dancing. So … in a way, yes, I’m comparing this wedding to my first one just to make sure it is TOTALLY different.  🙂

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Much different this time.

First wedding was the big poufy dress, hundreds of friends and family, all the traditional stuff, but we were young, didn’t have a lot of money and only planned it in 3 months, cutting a lot of corners. In retrospect, man that was one cheesy, low budget wedding that would classify as tacky even (embarrassing as it is to admit).

I had family help and it ended up being potluck (we ran out of food), a friend as a DJ that sucked so bad (speakers tweaking all night, pronouced our names wrong, played songs I had not to play, etc), decor was cheap (think paper streamers, balloons, cheap flowers, rented arch that got bent before the ceremony. I never got to go around to everyone at the reception, forgot the basket of favors under the table. Even the thank you cards did not go out as I was pregnant and my ex forgot to mail them and found them under his truck seat and admitted he threw them away out of embarassment (and for me not to find out). I was mortified. Didn’t even get a honeymoon as we did not have the money and despite all his promises it never happened in 10 years. 

This one is an encore for both of us. This time its just family and friends we are close to (only 50-60), elegant, classy but fun for everyone. The venue comes with a wedding planner so that helps, planning for a great dj and photographer this time, having a first look so we can take as many pictures as we can before so people don’t wait on us, there’s a timeline this time, seated dinner. FI is helping me on all aspects and we are just enjoying every little bit as we go. We just made sure that we didn’t have any of the same elements as our firsts – different colors, different flowers, no bridal party, walking ourselves down together, including the guests in the ceremony, group picture with all the guests after ceremony, cocktail hour, seated dinner, song requests on RSVP so everyone can hear something they like, photobooth for guest book, mad libs RSVP and advice libs at reception, Mission Impossible game with each table, shoe game, dancing contests, I Spy’s, including guests in every aspect all day long. I”m personalizing the escort cards with notes to each person inside, gift bags in hotel rooms for guests staying there, already have my thank you notes printed up and ready to write out.

I just want everyone to feel a part of our day because they are a part of our lives and I want to thank them for that. 

I’m definitely preplanning as much as I can this time and budgeting as I go so it’s not at last minute. I want to enjoy it this time. 

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There’s just no comparison at all with my previous wedding. For starters, this time around our wedding reflected US. It was a perfect day and we spent it with the people who matter most to us. Nobody, but nobody, expressed negative opinions let alone attempted to foist their ideas on us. Instead, we were surrounded by love and laughter from morning till very late at night. 

My previous wedding was an uncomfortable mish-mash that had all the hallmarks of my former MIL’s interference all over it. Starting with the insistence that I used my former husband’s cousin as photographer instead of my photogapher colleague on the newspaper I worked on. I still have some of his more spectacular failures of composition in an album somewhere. We look at them for comic relief.

Then we had the guest list. About which you could write a novel. Suffice to say, we ended up having to choose relatives we never saw over close friends and worse, most of these relatives were complete strangers to me and barely remembered by my ex-husband! One couple didn’t actually know my name! I did manage to choose my own outfit but MIL tut-tutted about the boots I wore. We had an afternoon reception that had all the joy of a funeral tea and then all was packed up and concluded before 4pm. Fortunately we had a great evening after the parents in law had gone home. We went to our local pub and met all our friends. Not that this met with the approval of MIL either but by then she was back home,  80 miles away so could only express her customary passive aggressive comments on the phone.

But even without having extreme contrasts, no two weddings are the same. The main cast of characters are quite different for starters. But also, you tend to be older when you remarry and you have usually learned how to deflect interference as well as having more defined ideas about what is right for you and your partner. So you have YOUR wedding. Not someone else’s version.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 10
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My first wedding was a mistake and a big joke. Blue dress, married in Tahoe and EVERYTHING went wrong.  His mom even came in my dressing room and told me I still had time to change my mind.  Damn, I wish I would have listened to her!

So this time around, while still very small, is going to be a lot more tasteful and special.  Champagne dress, tuxedo, etc.  We are doing it right (and classy!) this time.  And I couldn’t ask for a more perfect groom!

Post # 11
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

Much different the second time around! For starters my fiancé has been very involved with the entire process and it’s much more about us as a couple rather than trying to fulfill everyone else’s vision. In addition, we are the ones footing the entire bill so this wedoing will be small and meaningful 30 guests tops. I only have about 3k to pull it off so fingers crossed. 

In the end, I’m perfectly fine with eloping at town hall. The whole dress and shebang is more for his family because it’s his first wedding and he’s the first to get married. At the end of the day I’m just grateful to come home to him 🙂

Post # 12
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

HappyORBride:  HOLY COW! You summed up EVERYTHING that I am doing with my second. Going with a DJ (My band at my first was close to $4,00) and also I am splurging on a good photographer. This was my biggest regret with my first.

We are def. going smaller than my first and I am A-OK with that. I have learned so much about what matters in a marriage and I want my 2nd wedding to be a reflection of me and my wonderful SO. He is so amazing and I am just blessed to have a second chance.

Post # 13
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I made different decisions for the second wedding on purpose. The first one was in a church; the second one was outside at a restaurant. We had a lot more guests for the first one; we kept the second smaller and simpler. My dress was not a big, poufy dress like the first time around. The biggest thing was that my husband and I paid for this wedding ourselves so we didn’t have to worry as much about keeping family happy. The planning process was much less stressful.

And 2dBride: is right – being married before keeps everything in perspective. I knew once the day was over, all we would have are the pictures. That helped me focus on finding a photographer, but also helped me not to stress too much.

Post # 14
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am doing super small and understated.  I am also not stressing.  The only things that are important are: 1) I marry the man I am in love with; 2) our children are there: 3) our close family and friends are there.  This time, I could care less if little things go wrong.  I just want it to be a testament to our faith in God (for leading us to each other after difficult divorces), our love for each other, and our love of family and friends.  Everything else is gravy and doesn’t matter much.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 15
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my first wedding i had no say in ANYTHING. i planned my second wedding .everything i wanted and my fiance wanted. it was polar opposite of what i had done the first and it was more beautiful.

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