In my first go round I knew that I shouldn’t have gotten married. I felt pressured for the “have my family together” stigma b/c I already had a child with this man and really wanted to… have my family together. He, however, was verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive and didn’t see where or how he should change…. ultimately I left for the benefit of my son.
I now just married an awesome man that is MORE than I could’ve ever imagined… really… I made a very specific list of what I desired and he’s everything plus more! The real deal DOES happen!… but it takes work, from you AND him =)
Now for those “in waiting”……
I would advise you to really look into yourself and place how you are: communicatively, respectfully, submissively, how you encourage, how you handle finances & adversity & correction… and place “you” next to the image you have of your DREAM marriage. Now ask…. Do I have in me what’s needed to make that? If you’re answers no them the guy you’re with probably doesn’t either…. b/c fact of the matter is healthy people aren’t with unhealthy people… and we attract a certain type of “spouse” that will fit with how we are… if we don’t match up with what we truly want then they don’t either… they match with the you you are now!
Start open communication about how you want to grow and see how they feel about that… you may find that they’re fine where they are and have no plans to grow out of bad tendencies or into good ones…
Don’t ever think you can CHANGE someone!… you can’t… you can help them but only if you two are helping each other.
For those doubting…..
This is where you have to ask what & why you’re doubting…. My Darling Husband now is an AWESOME man, loves me better than I could ever ask, and has a heart for God that enables him to stand by, support me, and build me up to be an awesome woman, wife, & mother… BUT there were many times that I had to stop and tell myself “he’s not my ex-husband”… he isn’t the same at all. I know that past romantic relationships bring baggage and with that baggage we have a tendency to treat our new relationship with the same types of reactions we’d had in our last relationships.
If it’s because of an insecurity that rooted in your last relationship just be open in communication with your SO and work through it together… which is great practice for a marriage b/c well you’re whole job together is to communicate and work through the trials of your lives together
If it’s because of a way that your SO is now, then maybe some time needs to be taken to communicate and see if they want to change or grow with you… if they see your stance and you two can grow together to better yourselves then awesome…. you’re already on your way.
Otherwise…. don’t stay in a relationship that you can’t grow in… It will unlikely turn out well and unless you’re one to persevere through that kind of long suffering, you will most likely end up more damged, bitter, resentful, angry, or more insecure,and then leave anyways.
Marriage is a big deal, and has consequence… either bad or good. Take heart in it’s seriousness and avoid what will give you a bad consequence at all cost it’s worth the time, effort, and waiting to get what’s deserved for not just you but your one day SO =)