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Encores: Dealing with finances differently this time around?

posted 2 years ago in Encore
  • poll: Say Yup to the Pre-Nup? Are you signing one?
    Yes - I did so the first time and will do so this time as well. : (0 votes)
    Yes, this time. I did not the first time. : (8 votes)
    57 %
    No, I didn't last time and I won't this time. : (4 votes)
    29 %
    Other (I'll explain in the comments) : (2 votes)
    14 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    sf_carrie       San Francisco

     

    Question for the Day for my fellow Encores-

    How, if at all, are you dealing with finances differently this time around?  Although money was not among the items the ex and I disagreed on, I notice I am approaching certain things differently. 

    1)  We are signing a pre-nup.  I didn't the last time, but this time we are both further in our careers now.

    2)  We will pool all our finances into one household budget (like last time) but have separate "play money" pools that neither can comment on to avoid feeling like you have to ask permission to buy something you want that wouldn't be on the other person's priority list. 

    3)  We are closer in income and my new guy is less traditional so we share financial responsibilities more equally. 

     
    2.
    Hostess
    7,536 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    I refuse to sign a prenup.  He knows about it.  I didn't sign one before and my xh would have found a way to go around a prenup b/c he was at fault and still hid hid assets.  Wouldn't have mattered if I had one either with him b/c he would have found a way to hide them still. 

    Plus T knows I was MORE than fair with my xh and didn't get that much cs or even ss at all. 

     
    3.
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    sf_carrie       San Francisco

    Oh -- to clarify -- the pre-nup is something I want.  He's cool with it either way, but his preference would be to have one.

     
    4.
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    abrideagain    October 24, 2009   Austin

    We didn't feel the need for a pre-nup.  I was not in a place where I needed one last time around, and neither was he.  With this relationship, we were both more than fair with our exes, and each other knew that.  Call me old-fashioned, but it's just not something that I thought that we needed.

     
    5.
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee
    11.11.11Bride    November 11, 2011   San Francisco, CA

    Taking community property has changed my outlook on Pre-nups.  It is a requirement for me.  Law school changes how you look at a lot of things.  SMH.  Good thing my future husband is in agreement.  

     
    6.
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    sf_carrie       San Francisco

    11.11.11Bride, that's interesting.  I actually feel that living in a community property state makes a pre-nup less necessary if you keep your assets pre-marriage separate but then again, it's been ten years since the Bar exam so I'm not sure how much I remember of the details.  We really are signing one just so there is no confusion should things not work out. 

     
    7.
    Hostess
    7,536 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    I do wish I had a "bad boy" clause in a prenup with my ex though since we didn't have a prenup.

    But even if we had one, he still would have lied and cheated his way around it.  More slippery than a wet rubber ball that one!

     
    8.
    Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee
    thefuturemrsjohnson    April 3, 2010   Whittier, California

    I will be doing all the accounting in our home.  This is VERY scary to me as I am not the balance the checkbook on a regular basis kind of girl - I KNOW!!

    I am going to get the budget software and my sister has promised to help me get started on the right foot.  She used to be worse then me and then she turned in to super accountant and she says they are so much better off because she is aware of every thing that is spent.

    We are not doing a prenup - I told him I would gladly sign one if he wanted - he will be the one to continue working after we decided to start with the kids.  He doesn't feel it's needed, so I'm ok with that. 

    We will also be doing the joint account with our personal play accounts on the side.  All the bills and household expenses will come out of the main account and the personal accounts are for whatever we want to do extra.  We are also going to get a joint savings account that we are not able to access unless both of us walk in to the bank together.  I love that my bank does that!  This will be for vacations, new cars, and things like that.  We will also have an emergency fund that will not be linked to our other accounts for the IF's in life.

    I never realized there was so much to money until I started really paying attention.  I did realize that I would have so much more if I had just paid more attention a long time ago!

     
    9.
    Member
    84 posts
    Worker bee
    11.11.11Bride    November 11, 2011   San Francisco, CA

    @SF_Carrie - if only it were that simple.  It is easier said than done that we'll agree to keep all of our pre-marriage assets separate; however, the income you make during marriage is Community Property and if you make any payments toward assets with community property income, a percentage of the SP now becomes CP.  Hence the need for a prenup in a community property state.   It seem simple at first glance, but it is not that black and white.  After taking Community Property, I've been all for a prenup. 

     
    10.
    Hostess
    1,913 posts
    Buzzing bee
    IA_Snowflake    August 29, 2009   Missouri Valley, IA

    We signed a pre-nup.  I offered.  At first he declined, but we ended up doing it after I went through the reasons for why we should.  Our finances are completel.y seperate.  We each pay certain bills and then the rest is our own.  We have kids from previous relationships and it just seemed the best way.

     
    11.
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    402 posts
    Helper bee
    limbobride       Midwest

    wasn't asked either time, but would do it...

     
    12.
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    1,127 posts
    Bumble bee
    asianyoushi    June 16, 2012   oregon

    didnt do one The first time-- GOT SCREWED

    doing one this time just incase but i hope and pray that we wont need to use it.

     

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