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Another one for the encore ladies-
Are you changing your last name? Hyphenating? Leaving as is? How is being an encore shaping your decision, if at all?
I'm going to change my last name. It's going to be wierd and feel so funny. Right now my initals are RED and after we get married they will be REJ - I know, it's silly, but I'm a little nutty.
I do worry about my daughter having her father's name, but she is older and it's so common now, that I don't think it would be a big issue at any point.
What are you doing?
I don't know yet. During my previous marriage, I didn't legally change it. I did use a double last name socially and professionally, so I was:
FirstName MI MaidenLast ExLast
Now I am:
FirstName MI MaidenLast
I am not sure whether to stay as above or socially/professionally add new last. I think it might be confusing for professional purposes at this stage in my career. I know I am not going to change it legally. He seems ok with whatever I want to do as long our future kids have his last.
I'm still undecided. I don't care for the ex's last name- but I kept it for my daughter. Love the maiden name, would like to go back- but it would hurt the future hubby. Still contemplating.
I don't have any children so the choice was clear for me. I ditched the ex's last name in favor of the new husband's last name. :)
Keeping my maiden name. I've didn't change it the first time and am not doing it this time either. I like my last name and don't want to change it at all.
I already hyphenate my last name. I wanted to do that after my divorce because it was important in the reclaiming "me" process but I wanted my son's teachers to know I'm his mom and not be confused b/c I had a different last name.
The jury's still out on the whole name change thing now. I want to do what's best for everybody. My son, T and of course me. I also have my maiden name on professional licenses too so that's something to consider.
I never went back to my maiden name after my divorce. It was easier with kids starting school and all of that (plus the married name was WAY easier to pronounce and spell)
When FH and I get married, I will take his name. So I'm going from:
First Middle Last to First Middle Hislast
My kids are old enough now to say "my mom's remarried" and it won't offend me if they call me Mrs. Kidslastname
I'm taking FI's last name. Currently I have my ex's last name because it was just too much of a hassle to change and professionally everyone knew me by that name. That and I have no ties to my maiden name whatsoever.
Since I'm a slightly older bride and will be 38 when I get married, I'm using both my last name and his. Not sure about the whole legality thing...I suppose I'll legally change it and just make my last name my middle name. Or maybe he can just take my last name?! 
It hasn't shaped my decision at all. I took my ex-husbands name, and I'll take this one too. Just my own preference...
I will retain my first (late) husbands name... (maiden name was impossible!) I may change my name in the future when my son is done with school...TBD hyphenating is too much for me (both names are long-ish)
i cant wait to take his name. i have kept my xh last name since the divorce because my daughter shares that name, but i have wanted FI's last name since i was 13! and... its a possibility my xh may give up his rights and allow FI to adopt.. so i hope we can all have one last name.
Im torn as well. Maiden name was four letters, first marriage four letters, my fi- has 10. No kids involved but had first married name since I was 19, all university records are in that. Upside is I keep moving forward in the alphabet, born a K, married an F, could be a C. FI jokes I have to look for A if there is a third time.
He "says" he is ok with keeping first marriage name, but I don't think he really is. So, it's a puzzlement what to do. And there is the EX- Mrs. C who has his children. It will drive her nutty.
This is something that's really got me bugged as of late. I am a mom so there's def my son to consider but I wish to carry my guy's last name too.
This is so confusing. And to me the only really confusing part at all of being an encore bride!
The rest is just amazing :)
@bellenga- could you drop your maiden name and hyphanate with your son's last name and your guy's last name? Or would that be too weird?
I don't have kids from my first marriage and am not planning on having any. I changed back to my maiden name and am planning on keeping it. I don't want to legally change my name, but I don't mind if people call me by MY FIRST HIS LAST. I feel wierd about this sometimes but I just can't stand the thought of changing my name again.
I changed back to my maiden name after the divorce and was planning on keeping it that way. However it means a lot to my groom that I take his name. I understand that and my first marriage isn't his fault. Plus once we have kids I would like us all to share the same name.
I had to work REALLY hard to return to my maiden name (aka get out of the marriage) and to legally change my youngest daughters last name from his to my own so I am keeping my maiden name!
when i was divorced i immediately went back to my maiden name, even before it was final! i was very happy to get my maiden name back, it was like finding your favorite jeans that have been hiding in the closet- when you put them back on you realize how much you've missed that perfect fit and feel.
my beloved is puerto rican, and has two last names. they (p.r.s) do all sorts of things with their last names. .. . the women might just take the husband's, keep the dads, use both. .. . so he doesnt mind whatever i want to do. . . . right now i am leaning toward adding his (first) last name as another middle name (i love my middle name, not giving it up) and using mine most the time.
i wont care if anyone assumes i took his predominantly, though. the kids will have his name, might give them mine as a middle name. .. .
@crimson: I did the same thing, i.e., *immediately* went back to using my maiden name before the ink had even begun to dry on the final decree! And I couldn't have described the feeling any better than you did - it truly felt like a homecoming.
I will, however, be taking my FI's last name. But it's not just for him, it's really for me. He is okay with me keeping my current last name (for my profession) but I really want to have his last name. I could care less about how tedious the process may be!
We're hypenating both of our last names. He's taking my name too! How awesome is it. The only thing we haven't decided on is which name goes first. I want mine and he wants his. We'll see. But I think will do this thing in alphabetical order, just to be fair. lol
I am using my maiden name as my middle name since all my degrees have that name on them.
I'm with Belenga on this one, it's REALLY hard. FI wants me to change his name. I kept my XH's last name becasue of my kids. Now I've had that last name for 15 years and it feels weird t change it now. FI doesn't get it AT ALL.
I want to use both but not hyphenate. It would be long. But I think in NJ if you move it to a middle name they just put the initial on your driver's license but I want both names spelled out so I "match" both my sons AND the new hubby. If you don't hypenate them can you still put both on your DL and passport and then mix and match? If anyone actually knows message me!
i am keeping my last name and adding his, so i will have my daughters name as well as fi's.
her name is jade betheny mylast-dadslast
I changed to his name. I had kept my ex's name because I hated my maiden name and figured for my kids it was easier. But it wouldn't be right for me to keep it with my new husband.
changing it. I only kept ex's name because it's also my sons. He's 13 now, and is fine with me changing it.
I am so torn about this! Like many others, I immediately went back to my maiden name and was so thrilled to have it back. I don't want to let go of it again... FI thinks "the hassle" is not a good enough reason. But it's more than that... and it's really hard to articulate the reason.
I think the compromise will be keep my maiden name and socially go by his. May change it when we have children. I want our kids to take his name and don't want them to see me as separate.
Well to make things even wierder w/the name change thing..my son asked T last weekend when we were out of town at my grandma's funeral for the weekend if he could change HIS last name to FI's last name when I get married. He said "well I want to feel married too" (11 yo are cute). He wants to have same last name as him b/c he's basically "dad" to him far more than his bio dad is.
I didn't change it the first time around. This time I can't wait to change it and feel fully apart of my FI's family. It will feel more like being apart of their shared history.
I had always said that I wouldn't change my name again and FH is okay with that. But, he is quite an old fashioned guy so I am going to surprise him on our wedding day and when I sign the paper I will sign with his name. Now, if I can just keep it a secret for the next year and a half :)
I didnt change my name the first time around. This time I plan to. I want it to be forever this time and I think this is a symbolic way I can let my FH know that he is the one I shouldve married the first time around. However I wil prob keep my maidan name as a middle name... and keep my actual middle name as well.
I am so wondering about this name thing still.
Love to hear even more encores and their ideas.
I do agree w/you Trishisadish, that is does mean alot to the groom. T def wants me to have his last name.
I am definitely changing my name. I am a doctor, which means that professionally it will be a big pain in the a**, but I believe that having the new name is a declaration of your commitment to your husband and your future. I am the ultimate feminist, but this is the only sensible decision for me. My parents totally believe that changing your name is important for your future children and the family unit as a whole. They are totally in support. It will be weird initially, but I would never consider having a different name from my husband.
I've had my maiden name back for 12 years (I took it back after divorce). I want to take HIS last name so everyone will know we belong together! kinda sappy, I know, but that's how I feel.
I kept my ex's (weird!) last name since we have kids.
I cannot wait to get rid of it!
I think if I had taken my maiden name back after the divorce I might feel a bit differently..
I kept my own last name throughout the twenty years of my first marriage. NotFroofy and I each kept our separate last names this time, too.
I do have an issue with the idea that it is a "compromise" to use the husband's surname just for some purposes. Would you try to insist that your husband change his name to yours, and "compromise" that he got to use his own name for some purposes? I think not. So why do so many treat it as reasonable for the husband to take such an approach with regard to the wife?
A true compromise is that the husband gets to keep his name, and the wife gets to keep hers.
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