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Hello my fellow lovely encores-
The circumstances of my divorce were rather sudden (discovered him in an affair with a colleague after years of drowning in his emotional neglect and constant cynicism) and at the time, I just threw my e-ring and band in a box and left at my parent's house for safe-keeping without much thought. For reference, it's a one carat round brilliant solitaire of good quality in a platinum half pave setting with a matching platinum band with pave around the front half of it. Flash forward a few years later, I have met the most fun and affectionate man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. As I start thinking about this path, I feel more and more that having the old ring (even out of sight) is bad juju.
It's my understanding that you rarely re-cover the value of a diamond if you re-sell it and quite honestly, I don't even know where to start so as to not get ripped off. My mother suggested making into another piece of jewelry (i.e. diamond solitaire pendant) either for myself or for a future child. Given the extreme negativity of my previous marriage, I don't know that I would be comfortable with I or my future child wearing even that. My parents have been incredibly incredibly supportive and I would be happy to give the ring to my mother if she had any use for it, but she's not a jewelry person at all.
So, what to do with the old ring? I'd love to hear what other encores have done and if you sold it, how you went about it.
Thanks!
In my case I had children with my ex so I threw our rings in a box and I figured when they're about 16 I'll make them some different jewlery, but that's only because it's their dad. I wouldn't do it for a future child. If you can try to sell it, that's what I would do in your shoes. Maybe you can earn some wedding money :)
My mom made hers into a diamond solitare pendant.
I don't know what I would do though...I honestly don't think I could sell it just because of the type of person I am ( I would always think about how much money was lost).
I had a daughter with my ex and as a gift to her (she's 13) for my remarriage, I had the 1 carat radiant cut diamond (and a few baguettes) reset as a pendant for her. It turned out beautifully and actually looks better than it did in the ring. :)
I sold mine. I just didn't think I would wear anything made with the stones. I didn't want the reminder hanging around. I didn't get much for it, but it was a relief to have it gone and I needed the cash at the time.
I'd hold onto it and see what you feel like doing when you are older. Even if the ring has a negative feeling, I think resetting it into something gorgeous for your future child would take away the negativity. A diamond is a diamond!
I'm kind of with EJS on this one....I totally understand the bad circumstances behind the diamond but like she said "a diamond is a diamond" and they aren't cheap nor do they come along frequently in most people's lives...Honestly, I would probably leave it where it is for a few more years and see how you feel then. If it's still bothering you to hold onto it, then maybe it's time to sell but I would just wait a bit...I liked the option of having it made into something for your mom, that would be a very nice present!
I voted-- sell it! I agree that a stone is a stone and I don't actually believe in "bad juju." I wouldn't hesitate to buy a "divorced diamond" or anything... but THIS diamond was a gift. I would always worry about people commenting on it and asking where I got it. I just think I couldn't separate the man from the stone.
My daughter found my wedding band - plain yellow gold as we were in the Army when we got married and it worked the best with all the field work and things going on - and has it now. I have no ties to it and never really liked it so it really doesn't mean anything to me. She did show it to my FI at some point before we were engaged and I made a point of telling him that it was NOT me and that yellow gold is on my least favorite items list.
According to the ex's sister, his current has my e-ring and that is fine with me. My daughter said that the girlfriend did wear a ring liek the one that she has seen me wearing in some pictures.
If you have kids, I would make something out of the old set and if not, sell it and put it towards spending money on the honeymoon or towards the cost of the wedding. Sure you may not get all the money it's really worth, but what does it really matter.
If you think it's bad juju then get it out of your life and be done with it!
Let us know what you decide!
I'm keeping it for my daughter for when she's older. She can either wear it or sell it- she can decide.
I took my old e-ring and old wedding band and the plain band that I wore when I was pregnant with my twins (three sizes bigger than my original ring size...talk about swelling!) and put them in a small jewelry box in my safety deposit box. Their dad gave them to me and while I'll never have a use for any of them, one or both of my kids may like to have them some day.
I was going to sell my first engagement and wedding rings, but my son asked to buy them from me. He pointed out that while they might have bad associations for me, for him they were a reminder of the relationship that produced him.
Well my ex also had an affair and was a jacka@@ even after I found out (we'd just built our new home, were doing great financially, even wanting another child so it was just bizarre that he'd even do that as we had a good relationship) and when he found out I was divorcing him, he deliberately tried to cause me financial devastation so I'd go running back (mean I know).
I didn't. And yes, he caused great financial problems with me (and himself) like he was self-destructing. He did things very quickly and deliberately, even before we'd had time to go before the mediator and my attorney said he'd never seen anybody do this before. So I was in financial ruin, my marriage was also in ruin and I had this gorgeous 2.4 ct radiant cut diamond solitaire set in platinum with 3 carats also of baguettes encircling the whole band. It was gorgeous. But it was also imho in ruin and I could not look at the ring without crying.
So I did the prudent thing and sold it. Only thing I kept was the thin plat band I had that was the wedding band. And I sent it back to him because I didn't want that either. I sent it along with a heart wrenching letter saying all I had to say.
I know I couldn't see that band or the stone on anybody else because it would bring to mind the saddest time of my life and and be a reminder of the sudden pain I'd experienced. I wished somebody else to enjoy it more and have better luck and love.
for me, selling was the only thing to do. And because it was costly, it dug me out of the hole my former husband deliberately dug for me and pushed me into.
I am selling mine as well. The diamond in my original e-ring was my grandmothers so I will be keeping that. I won't get much for it but I really just want it gone...something is better than nothing.
I would sell it-it's more money that you had before-no matter what you get (unless you paid for it). Good luck!
My mom gave my her engagement ring (a beautiful ruby) when her and my father divorced but I understand why you wouldn't want to keep it for future children. If you have such negative feelings towards the ring how about donating it? You would probably get a pretty good donation value (for tax purposes) and you would be helping a charity out. (They could use it in their yearly auction.) This way you won't be getting ripped off and at least the ring can make someone happy :)
ejs4y8, it was actually pretty funny. I really needed to sell the ring, not give it to him, for economic reasons. However, I basically decided to sell it to him for the price offered by the first place I asked, even though I had a consultant who said I could get more for it if I kept looking.
Recently, my son decided he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, and took the ring out of the safe deposit box to be appraised for insurance purposes. The appraisal came out at about three times what I had charged him. I wasn't surprised by this, as I knew that I had sold it to him for less than I could have gotten elsewhere, and that insurance appraisals are typically about double the actual price you can get. However, he was gleeful at discovering the actual value.
To the OP: The consultant I had recommended starting with one of the auction houses, and seeing what they thought I could get for it at auction. He said that armed with that valuation, I could go to retail jewelry places and see if they could better that offer.
I sold my old e-ring. I didn't get a lot for it, but it was more than I had before. haha. I also had negative feelings toward it, and had I seen anyone wearing, I would have been even more devestated that I already was.
At most jewelers you get more if you trade it in rather than just sell. So trade it in for something you want! As for how to get a good price, go to a couple independent jewelers to get price quotes. If it is in good condition, they may be able to resell it. Otherwise they will make an offer based on the stones they can use and metal weight.
My mother was married twice. For awhile she wore her first diamond in a solitaire necklace. But she has two daughters. So each of us get a diamond. Works out perfectly. The diamond from her first ring is actually now in my engagement ring. i love it because it has the setting from my fiance and the diamond from my mom...two people I love most in the world.
I was going to sell mine and just never put any effor into it. A couple of months ago I found out that my little brother was planning to get engaged and he is on a vey tight budget. I gave the diamond to him and he had it mounted into a new setting.
Our jeweler is giving us trade-in credit for it toward the new wedding band they're making for me.
I'm a little torn on this topic, really. I'm not an encore bride but I know someone very close to me who is and it's been really hard to see her trying to decide with the old ring when she's getting ready to be engaged to a new guy. Sure, on one hand a diamond is a diamond is a diamond and it's all sparkly, but if you aren't able to "seperate the rock from the man" as you said, it might be best to sell it. No amount of money you'd save by buying another diamond down the line is worth having those feelings every time you see the old one. Juju is stilly, but you knowing the story behind the rock might be really hard to see on your daughter because you wish anything but you went through for her. I'd probably sell the diamond, then put the money towards your new wedding or in a savings account and buy another diamond down the line (high yield savins accounts- whoo whoo!) Just my $.02
An update -- Spoke to a couple of jewelers, it appears that the re-sale value is only approx 1/4th of what the ex had paid (and we had shopped very carefully for it) which seemed surprisingly low. The more I thought about it, I realized my issues were with not wanting to keep reminders of my previous bad marriage as I was planning to enter this next one and the reason I didn't want to give the diamond to a future child is that it seemed odd to me to give a symbol of my first marriage to a child born out of my second marriage. I have a cousin who is graduating college next year after a lot of hardship and I am very proud of her for sticking with it, so what I am going to do is have the diamond re-set in a solitaire pendant as a graduation gift for her.
Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts. I was really confused about what to do but I think I found a workable solution.
Any children from that marriage? If so, save it for them to use as they please when adults. No children, I say post on the Weddingbee classifieds and use the money to do something special for yourself.
I have just realized I need to let go of my first ring. Its taken a few years. But I know I wont wear it, no matter how much I adore the setting and stones. We are shopping for a jeweler to design something so the idea of trading up appeals to me. Afterall I am trading up to my new man. Anyone actually try trading in old stones at the jeweler for something from them?
PS until I found this board I thought I was the only older encore bride. Anyone else starting a new relationship with the new century of their life.
I too had very bad memories of my marriage and its demise. I put my ring away for a long time (about a year) and thankfully was not in a place where I HAD to sell it to get myself through a financial rough patch.
Once the emotion wore off, the only thing I could think to do was sell it. We thankfully did not have children and my brother was already married to a wonderful woman (no need to pass the diamond along), so I couldn't see holding on to it for the future or making something new out of it--I would always know it was my old wedding ring from a terrible marriage.
I ended up going to a jeweler I really like and trust and turned it in. It was not overly ornate and didn't cost that much up front. I actually had paid for it myself when we got engaged (a different story entirely :-)) so I didn't feel guilty or weird about exchanging it for money. Not exactly a windfall, but I was completely rid of it with a little bit of compensation for my trouble.
The jeweler did tell me that he could offer me more credit toward other jewelry than he could give me in cash but I kept thinking that whatever I exchanged it for would still remind me of my ex since that's how I ended up with that piece of jewelry.
I think it probably just depends on how much sentiment you attach to the ring. I couldn't get past what it symbolized so whatever form it took on it would still have reminded me of him and that time. I'm actually having that issue with some of the other jewelry he bought for me that I really like but find myself not wearing because of its origin.
Best of luck to you in your decision and cheesr to moving on and up with a new and improved hubby!
A friend of mine took her old diamond and made it into a necklace for her (much younger) sister. If you have a sister or other special girl in your life (cousin, old friend, etc.) that would be able to wear the necklace without having it conjur up emotions, I would recommend doing that. My friend's sister knew that the ex was a jerk, but she wears the necklace often (not around my friend though) and she gets lots of compliments on it!
Per Elizabeth tayor- the ultimate encore bride " Jewelry - one can never have too much and never give it back" wonder if she kept alll hers?
FutureMrs.Johnson - Oh man! I hope your daughter doesn't go and tell her dad's FI, that was your ring. Well maybe it wouldn't matter to anyone, but I'm sure your ex would be in some trouble, unless of course she knows it was yours.
Carrie- Personally, I would resell it. I don't think I could let my future child wear something from my ex that has no relation to my child. If I had a child with an ex then I would probably get it made into something else, but only if it was his child, and personally if I did have an ex FI, I think current FI would be pretty pissed if I got something made out of a ex-engagement ring for his child, and I personally wouldn't want to keep it either. And look at this way. At least you didn't pay for it, so your making money, and your ex is losing money....well unless you did pay for it.
I don't believe in bad juju either, but personally I just wouldn't want it around.
But I've always been this way. Whenever I broke up with a b/f in middle school or High school, I would always throw away everything from that relationship; pictures, any presents, or jewlery or cards, anything I ever got from them went in the trash.
In the end it's up to you, but I would resell if I were you.
I'm not an encore, but I do love diamonds and I don't think I could sell it....
I'd have it reset into something that when I looked at it it would remind me of how much better off I am not to have him in my life anymore 
I knew someone who sold it and used the cash to buy herself something special that signified, to her, regaining her independence. A sort of engagement ring for herself :)
I eventually gave my engagement ring back to my ex-husband so he could keep it for our daughter. Even though I was legally entitled to it, I didn't feel right keeping it, especially not with a gorgeous new engagement ring on my finger. :-)
My old wedding band was just a plain platinum band. A good friend of mine, who had been really supportive throughout my divorce, mentioned wanting to get her grandmother's platinum engagement ring resized so she could wear it again. So I gave her my platinum band to use for that. With the leftovers, she had a pair of earrings made - and she can still read the engraving from my ex-husband on the back of the earrings! I think it's hilarious.
Sell that ring!!! And then treat yourself to something nice!!!! :)
I have mine, in a drawer, in a box. When my son is old enough, he will get it to use how he wants. It was from his dad and my marriage, and I think he should have it. The ring is beautiful (although I like my new one LOTS more!)
I took my first one to Kay's where my new one came from and they gave me credit toward the new one with the value of the first one, made quite a dent...lol
Wow, this is going to sound really bad, but I'll share it anyway.....
My ex had an affair and got her pregnant before we were divorced, and later I found out he'd had several others during the 5 yrs we were married. He left me in a real financial mess, so I really could have used the $ from selling the ring. But, on a whim one day I decided to make a statement with it...
I took it in to the jeweler and picked out a new setting that was a perfect style for me (the E-ring never was). I had the diamond re-set in the new setting. And I wore that baby on my right hand MIDDLE finger for several years. It was my "F-you" to my ex. I know, that sounds really petty now (and odd, because I'm very quiet & non-confrontational, and would never have even said that to him out loud). But, at the time, I was determined that he wasn't going to sink me, no matter what. And each time I looked at that diamond on my middle finger, I thought "f-you" and forged on....
When I met FI, after several dates, and when I started to feel a real connection to him, I stopped wearing that ring. It's put away in my jewelry box now, and I plan to give it to my daughter one day, since my ex is her dad.
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