- 6 years ago
I am writing to get everything off of my chest in what seems like a hopeless time in my life. Here goes nothing…
My fiance and I dated for 6.5 years before getting engaged in July 2011. We celebrated 7 years together this January 2012. 2011 was what seemed like the best year of my life…I graduated college, landed and started my first big girl job, got engaged to the supposed man of my dreams and together we started planning our wedding. Life was great.
Then suddenly one day in February, out of the blue, everything changed when the fiance dropped the bomb and said that he was not ready to get married. I was concerned and wanted to talk about everything that was on his mind to determine if it was just cold feet or whatever it was. He really didn’t have a whole lot to say about what he was thinking and asked for space. Over the course of the week, my dad and brother (who were very close to him) reached out to him; they loved him as a brother and son. After talking with him, they told me that they thought he was just really confused about what he wants right now and to just give him his space to figure things out and that he would come around, and so I backed off. After a week of no contact, we met to talk again and basically got no where. My heart broke into a million pieces right in front of him. I couldn’t believe 7 years and an engagement were falling apart in front of my eyes. He was completely shut off emotionally and would not address his feelings and concerns on a deeper level. He again asked for time and space, to which I agreed to give him time to “fix himself” because that is what he felt he needed. He wanted the ring back “to look at it and realize what he lost” and I willingly gave it back, because I wanted to be understanding and do whatever it took to help him figure things out. Looking back that was probably stupid. When he left that day he asked me “where this left us?” (well how in the hell am I supposed to know?!) and he went as far as to say I love you with all my heart and tried to hug and kiss me goodbye.
The days went by, which turned into weeks and then a month with absolutely no contact. I was hopeful in the beginning but as time went by my hope slowly started to fade. I did everything that he asked of me, which was to give him the time and space he felt he needed. I told him to contact me when he was ready to talk as I wanted to be respectful of his needs. It was so hard to go from talking/texting/emailing everyday for the past 7 years to nothing. Absolutely nothing. Then finally one day, I got an email. Yes, an email. In the email he wrote about different nit picky/fault finding grievences that he had against me (for example: he is not the one who should have to listen to me complain about my hard days at work, he would only be marrying me for my family). The saddest thing was that he never once brought up to my face that it bothered him so much. I wish if he felt that way about certain things that he would have addressed them up front. At the end of the email he stated that this was the end after 7 years and that it was very hard for him to write it down and that he felt it best for us to go our separate ways. I was completely shattered. How can someone end a 7 year relationship with an engagement via email?! I don’t think I will ever understand.
It has now been over a month since he sent the email, and there has still been absolutely no contact. I guess I was probably hoping for a response that said “I’m sorry and I now am realizing what a wonderful thing I lost”. Yeah, right. I feel awful. I feel terrible that I was so easy to walk away from after so long, so forgettable, so undesirable, that I’m only worth an email, and a whole bag of emotions. I want to kick myself for letting him lead me on and for holding out hope that he would turn around. It has nearly killed me to cancel our wedding, one that I had been dreaming of for years with this man. I had always envisioned my life and future with him by my side. Not to mention, it has also been nothing short of humiliating to tell family members, friends, co-workers, etc. that I am no longer engaged to him/there will not be a wedding. I know I don’t have to give them an answer as to what happened but it comes up because in the 7 years that we dated we were always fully committed to eachother and never ever got to the point that we broke up; so when I tell people they look at me puzzled like I am kidding. In fact, when I told my best friends about what was going on they asked if I was kidding. I only wish I was.
Now I am definitely at the bottom of the mountain, trying to figure out where to go from here. It is so far from the top. If someone told me at the beginning of January that this is what my life would be like right now, I would have never believed them. However, this is a whole new reality. I’m bummed. Please send hope/prayers/positive vibes, I’d sure apprecaite it.