Post # 1
After 4 years I decided to end it with my FI. He has just changed so much and gotten so angry I just didn’t feel good about marrying him anymore.
I’m only 19 and still trying to go to school and figure out what I want to do with my life and whenever I would bring up a school I was interested in or something I wanted to do he would always tell me that I was selfish and that I never thought of what he wanted. (which is untrue) He would repeatedly bring up mistakes I had made from years in the past and call me all kinds of names to make me agree to do what he wanted and admit that I was wrong.
Before Christmas he issued and ultimatum that I had to move 3 hours south away from all my family to a town without a college for me to go to, to be with him or he would break up with me. So I went because I didn’t want to lose him. About a week later I realized I had made the worst mistake of my life and I told him I was moving back in with my parents. He kicked and yelled and broke stuff (he didn’t hurt me) and when he calmed down he told me that he still wanted to try to work it out after I went home.
After I went home he just got meaner and meaner. Telling me daily what an awful and crazy person I am. And finally yesterday I got sic of it and ended it.
The only reason I stayed so long was sometimes he would have really good days and I could see little bits of the man I used to love.
But after I broke up with him he started harrassing me. Demanding that I drive south to see him and talk it out and how dare I break up with him after all he invested in the realationship.
Now I am totally drained and stressed to the max and he is demanding the cash value of my engagment ring becaue the ring is worthless to him and he just wants his money back and I’m half inclined to give it to him just so it can be over.
What do I even do now that I’m single? I get some time to mope right? I have not been single since I was 14. Any advice or perspective is really appriciated right now.
Post # 3
Good for you for ending it. You need a partner who respects what you want and values your choices. Enjoy being single, spend time with your girlfriends and family.
Post # 4
Good for you!!! Youre so young! Go out and explore the WORLD!!!! You have plenty of time for love 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
He sounds like a dick – good work. Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader and support system, not some jerk who calls you names and keeps you from achieving your dreams. Start ignoring his calls and texts!
Hang out with friends, drink wine and watch movies, go to the gym a lot, etc!
As for the ring, it varies state to state – but it may be your property to keep. If not, give it back to him. You certainly don’t need to give him actual cash.
Post # 6
First of all, I am so sorry that this happened. You didn’t deserve that, and I hope you know it. You should feel very proud that you had the strength to leave. If I was you, I would block his number and give him back his ring. You don’t owe him any money for leaving a situation that was unhealthy.
Post # 7
You do not have to give him the cash value of the ring…. mail the ring with a return receipt requested so he dosn’t a pull a, “I never got it.” and be done with it. What an ass…
Post # 8
Sweetheart, mail him the damn ring. Don’t give him a cent. Dude went off, and you don’t owe him anything. Make sure he knows that after you mail the ring, he is not a part of your life any more. Warn him that if he keeps harassing you, you will consult the police. And mean it.
Post # 9
@Fantastagirl: Aw, ((hugs)) From what you say, you have done the right thing. He has several bad strikes against him. The worst is belittling you (no loving spouse should do that), followed by demanding you give up your education.
It’s a long time since I was single, but most people seem to advise getting out, reconnecting with friends, maybe find a hobby. Oh and make sure you complete college now.
He has no right to demand cash value for the ring, in fact I have never heard of such a thing. But I would return the ring to him. Or you could compromise and give him half what was paid, because the ring’s worthless to you too.
Post # 10
Ok so I should just send him the ring and what ever other crap I have of his and I’m legally in the clear? He’s threating to take me to small claims court but if I give him back the ring he has no legal bearing?
Post # 11
Yeah, I’d mail him back the ring registered mail so he has to sign for it, and can’t say it never arrived. You may be legally entitled to keep the ring in your state, but even if not, there’s no way you owe him the cash equivalent. He can pawn it himself.
I broke up with my highschool boyfriend (15-21, but he was actually really great and supportive, and we’d both finished our degrees by time we broke up. He followed me to the top ranked school I got into and just went to a community college nearby, we’re still relatively friendly.) Take some time just to figure out who you are without him, and be sad for a little bit. It’s a good time for adventure and self exploration. It gets really hard when a lot of your formative identity was so enmeshed with somebody else. I took about a year and just was completely selfish, and didn’t even really entertain the idea of dating somebody else, beyond a couple casual things.
You’re still only 19! The world is wide open for you! Travel by yourself, go out with friends, get that degree 🙂
Post # 12
I just did a quick google, but I think in Michigan legally you need to return the ring. I would mail it to him through registered mail or whatever requires a signature so he can’t lie and say he never recieved it. And hang onto the shipping receipt too. I would absolutely not pay him cash value for the ring, that’s ridiculous.
Post # 13
@Fantastagirl: I googled for “broken engagement michigan” and found a couple of useful looking links:
http://womenslifestyle.com/legally-speaking-did-your-engagement-end-carrie-bradshaw-style-what-you-can-and-cant-do-about-it/ “In Michigan, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage. Once the engagement has been broken, the ring should be returned to the donor” – This article was written by Michigan lawyers (see link at bottom of page)
Here’s a Michigan court case in which the man successfully sued for the ring (but not its cash value) http://statecasefiles.justia.com/documents/michigan/court-of-appeals-published/20010220_C213950(37)_34O.213950.COA.PDF?ts=1323898333
Post # 14
He can have the stupid ring back. I don’t want it around anymore. But he is refusing to take it back.
Post # 15
@Fantastagirl: He can’t refuse it and then still want cash value. It doesn’t work that way. I would send it certified mail like a PP said and be done with it.
Post # 16
@Cady: +1. Make sure he gets the ring in his hot little hands and then move on to bigger and better things honey!!