Ending a friendship after many years….conflicted

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

littlelostbride:  I am of the opinion that toxic, needy people have no place in my life– ever. Your time is precious, your energy is precious, and if you consistently leave your time with her feeling drained, or upset or stressed– then it isn’t worth it. 

Post # 3
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

my sister went through the exact same thing. Couldnt stand her friends daughter cuz she never cared to discipline or teach manners. My sister told her the truth, her friend blew up at her n told her to fuck off and that everythings her fault and no longer wanted her as her godmother.

My sister didnt seem to have any lost sleep and they were friends for 10 years.

Its hard to do but you need to think about how this affects your life and time and energy, not worth it lil bee!

 

Hugs!!*

Post # 4
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

littlelostbride:  I have a similar story. I am technically godmother to my ex best friend’s daughter, although we haven’t had a relationship for about 5 years now. Even though I cared for my friend, we’d been friends since childhood, and her children weren’t poorly behaved, she had a way of always bringing chaos and stress into my life. I finally was wondering what in the world I was getting out of the relationship. I initially felt too guilty to end the friendship because I felt that she needed me so badly. She was constantly making poor choices and I was constantly there picking up the pieces. When she finally had her kids taken by social services for a few months because she was neglecting them I had enough. It was the best decision for my sanity. I wish her well and hope that she is ok and happy, but I can’t have her in my life. 

You cannot be your best self with negative energy-sucking people in your life. Do yourself and your loved ones a favor.

 

Post # 5
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

littlelostbride:  before ending my friendships, I always try to level with the person since there’s nothing to lose. In some instances, the friend was receptive and we worked it out. Sometimes they’d flip out and it was the end. Either way, I feel like this way I have no regrets.

I say lay it all out – tell her honestly that you care about and are concerned for her son, that you see some serious behavioral issues that are pushing everyone away, including you, and that the kid needs professional help. Explain to her you are saying this because you care, you see him struggling and want to help. If she flies off the handle and is not receptive, you’ve done all you can on your end to help your friend and her boy.

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

I’ve ended toxic friendships before. Once I just let it fizzle out, and once I actually said something. There are pros and cons to both.

The one that fizzled I had to actively avoid her texts and calls until she got the hint. It was awkward as yell. I didn’t bullshit her though, if she complained that she hadn’t seen me in a long time I would either not respond or would just say “you’re right”. I do see her every now and then though at the weddings of mutual friends. All other functions I can just avoid if I know she’ll be there, but not weddings. They are usually incredibly awkward, but that is the price I pay for nothing having the conversation.

The other was a friend that just walked all over me for years. Finally one day we had plans and she left me waiting for hours. I kept calling and texting and she would give me some excuse with “be there in 20 minutes”, 20 minutes would come and she wouldn’t arrive. I literally waited for 5 hours. Eventually I just left. When she got there, she got mad at me for not telling her I was leaving and letting her drive all the way over just to find out I had split. I wrote back “I was sick of waiting”. We haven’t spoken or seen each other since. Good riddence.

 

Post # 7
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

littlelostbride:  you have good intentions but sometimes for our own sanity we must let people go. Because you are a Godmother, I would try to say that you are busy and then distance yourself more and more. After that hopefully she will get the hint. Or you can sit her down/write a letter explaining how you feel(avoid saying bad things about the child) but do explain that you do not feel invested in the friendship any longer.

Post # 8
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know it is hard to let go but very few friendships last forever.

I have done the direct confrontation and the slow fade out. I reserve the honest confrontation for long time friends and the slow fade out for those that I am not very close to. 

We all try not to judge when we love someone, but sometimes their actions are so reprehensible that we can’t pretend not to notice. 

 

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