Post # 1
Ever since I got engaged, one of my best friends just changed. She was always a little needy/self-centered/etc., but deep down I knew she had a good heart and we spent a lot of great times together. She is also one of my DH’s best friends (we all used to work together).
She pretty much disappeared from my life after the engagement. Any interactions we did have were fraught with drama, and she was often angry at me and sent me lots of scathing emails about how horrible I was being to her (I wasn’t being horrible by anyone’s standards). I spent way more time trying to deal with the problems she created than she ever did helping in any way. In all she was a serious drain on my emotional resources and besides that pretty much left my life completely.
So now DH and I had some people over this past Saturday night. She found out that she wasn’t invited and sent him texts about how hurt she is. I feel horrible for hurting her. I haven’t heard from her once since my wedding 3 weeks ago, and pretty much had written her off, as sad as that is. I feel really awkward about even seeing her. We had a whole heart-to-heart a few months ago, and she seemed to get it and cried a lot and apologized, but nothing changed at all.
I was up all night last night thinking about all the ways she has hurt me and trying to figure out if there is a path forward for us, but I just can’t see it. I have no problem being acquaintance friends, but I can’t be intimate with her anymore. She’s totally unreliable, irresponsible, and self-centered and I can’t take it.
However, she’s also in a really bad place right now and very depressed, and the last thing I want to do is add to that. I have no idea what to do and I’m sooo sad.
Post # 3
Man that whole situation kinda stinks. 🙁 If she has been a pain I would try to cut her off. Does she have other friends or a counselor she can talk to?
Did this all start when you were engaged, her depression I mean? I would be curious to know what about your engagement set her off if that was the case.
Post # 4
Is she single? Sounds like she is in a very bad place and very jealous of you. Not fun for you at all especially if you have been there for her. Having said that, I watched for years as my friends met and married and I couldn’tfind someone I remotely liked. After a while that can sting. Especially if you feel that you are losing a close friend. I wouldn’t write her off yet.. Try to be there for her, if even from a distance. You never know when she will be the person youneed. Friendships, like other relationships go through rough patches. I have felt like writing friendships off in the past, but am lucky I didn’t because they are still friends, though the friendships have changed (notnecessarily a bad thing)
Post # 5
Is it possible that she’s not just jealous of you having someone and her not but, maybe because she has feelings for your husband and that’s why she’s been weird with you since the engagment??
Post # 6
@Mrs Christopher: She was on a downward trajectory for a while, ever since this guy dumped her and she hasn’t been able to find anyone. Within a month of him ending it (it wasn’t that serious either), one of our other friends got engaged, and she was extremely hateful about it (“can you believe he’s marrying HER?! eww, horrible”). Since then it’s more and more drinking and less and less taking care of herself.
@phoebephoebo: I agree with you, except I keep trying with her and nothing ever changes. I give her a break over and over and am always there for her. She never gives me a break, and she’s never there for me. I’m 6 years older than her, and though some jealousy is understandable, it’s also so small-hearted to let it take over.
@Pandora11: I honestly don’t think so, but you never know. She was sort of instrumental in helping us get together in the first place, and not the type to help someone else get something she wants.