(Closed) Ending an engagement

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@missyhh07:  if you are having these doubts, it’s better to tell him sooner than later.  i had broken up an engagement / relationship after 8 years and a home together.  it is not easy but needed to be done.  if you know it is not for you, end it.  please don’t let days turn into weeks, months, years like i did.  i realized afterwards i just wasted so much of my life by waiting for it to improve.  it didn’t.  you are not doing anyone a favour by staying. 

think about your options and how to achieve them.  this will give you the strength to break things off.  do you have a family member or friend for personal support?

please feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to.

Post # 4
Member
12569 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s much easier to break an engagement than it is to go through a divorce.  You need to sit down and have a real conversation with him and tell him your concerns.  If you can’t see yourself marrying him, you need to take a step back and evaulate where your fears are coming from and if it’s truly the right choice for you.

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with the others.  I ended an engagement 3 months before the wedding with everything paid for and done.  Had I not done it then, we would be in divorce court by now.  YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG! 

Go and enjoy your youth.

If you are having doubts, it’s best to run now.

Post # 6
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@missyhh07:  “another problem is when he gets mad he screams and curses at me and after he always says he doesn’t mean the stud&f he said but its hurtful”

This was enough for me to say get out now.  It is going to be difficult but you know you need to do it for you.  He may not being physically abusive but this along with the other things you mentioned is emotional abuse which I believe is far worse.  Yeah it sucks leaving, the house, the kid, and the dogs, but trust me, it gets better.

I left my ex at the age of 26 with -$15 in my bank account and a bag of clothes.  Luckily, I was able to go back for the dog, the rest of my clothes, and half of the furniture and dishes.  He got the house, my stepdaughter, the boat, the motorcycles, the stuff…  But I got my freedom.  Not to say the first 3 months didn’t suck living with friends and trying to fight off the depression of a failed marriage (along with navigating a divorce settlement in which I gave him pretty much everything because I just wanted him to go away.)

Over 2 years later and I am a better person for it.  I know my own strength and independence and I know that I don’t have to put up with some guy’s BS just to avoid being alone.  I met a guy who treats me well and encourages me to be an even better person by volunteering and participating in my community (which makes me feel like an even better person.)  We have conversations I never knew I could have with my partner on political issues and family.  Not to mention that the dog loves him and definitely snuggles with him more than me.  Breaking it off will be painful for a while but if you make it a clean break (i.e. cut off ALL contact with him) then you will be so much better for it.

Post # 8
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@missyhh07:  I broke up an engagement (we were together for 2.5 years; lived together; had a dog; shared 2 cars).  It was tough and I had lingered but in the end, everything about the relationship felt wrong.  i.e. money issues, he did the name calling, and, it was never about “us” only him.  It took me a few months to realize I made the right choice. 

I’m glad you took the right steps by calling off the wedding to give you some time to think things through. *hug*  It will be tough but in the end, you need to do what is right for you and your future kids/family.  Kids will see through an unhappy marriage; and, a divorce will be harder to deal with. 
 

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