- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I had to go undercover for this as it will reveal too many details.
I was previously married to my ex-husband for 4.5 years and we divorced amicably 4 years ago. No kids.
FI and I met 10/2011, decided to date exclusively 3/2012, moved in together 4/12 and he proposed last month. I am in my 30’s and he is in his 40’s.
After I divorced I had ZERO desire to get into another serious relationship any time soon. I casually dated a bunch of people and then about a year later I started experimenting with the “lifestyle” (swinging) with one particular guy I was dating. I have always had a bit of a wild side in me on a sexual level.
I would describe myself as “lifestyle lite”. I never went very far with it- I really just enjoyed the huge parties (like 900-1200 people would attend), wearing the sexy costumes, dancing, etc… I did get into some sexual situations but it was pretty rare when I did. But I have experimented with girls (I am not bi), bondage, threesomes mostly MMF as the guy I was dating was bi.
I also loved the people. Never in my life have I ever met a more open minded, friendly, drama-free, and generous group of people. Sure there were some assholes but they were few and far between.
I joined a local lifestyle club and would go occasionally- over the past 2 years I stopped going so frequently. The last time I went was June with a bunch of friends (with FI’s blessing- he did not want to go even though I wanted him to). I of course did not do anything sexual with anybody. Ironically some of the friends I went with were HIS friends.
3 years ago I started travelling with this huge lifestyle group to a resort every year. Talk about a party. And the people!!! I made some fantastic friends that live all around the world. We’ve travelled to see each other, talk one the phone, etc…
This group travels in the spring and I can’t go. FI is totally against going with me even though I am 100% committed to him and want to remain 100% monogamous with him. It’s not about sex to me. It’s about once a year doing whatever you want (within reason of course), losing your inhibitions, laughing your ass off, and having a great time. And I WANT him to come with me so we can experience it together!
He says typically nudity is gross and the people that belong to this group are sick. I hate the fact that he is so close-minded. I feel like my playful sensual side is not being fulfilled. I’ve been trying to come up with other ways to fulfill this and he turns everything down (burlesque dancing was one idea). I am very open-minded and I don’t judge others. He’s really into anal but I’m not and I would never judge him for that. He would probably try almost anything except this. Grrrr.
We had discussed what I have done in the lifestyle in the past and I assured him that I have NO desire to be intimate with anyone else. I really don’t. He took that to mean that I would never associate with anyone in the lifestyle ever again.
He admitted a few days ago that he has gotten lazy in our relationship and needs to step it up becasue he doesn’t want to lose me. Since then he has been much more affectionate, made me dinner (he does NOT cook), and a few other things.
I WANT to be married to him. I think we will have an amazing life together. I just wish he would compromise with me a bit! I NEED to fufull my playful/sensual side and I don’t know how. Do I need to totally give this up? Am I being ridiculous and stubborn about it and just get over it?
I think this is becoming a serious issue and questioning the enagement. He thinks I’m overreacting to him being lazy and neglectful. Am I?
Damn that was long. Thanks for reading!