Post # 1
I’m feeling a bit emotional this weekend because I am about to end my engagement. I’ve been with my fiancee for about a year and half. (We dated for close to a year and then were engaged for about 6 months). Although I am a older, this was my first relationship – and his second (he was married before). I never felt 100% right about the relationship, but over time, I’ve felt more and more uneasy. He has huge financial issues (doesn’t save, lots of debt, yet very cheap when it comes to me), and there isn’t intimacy between the two of us – I’m not talking about sexual intimacy – but a sense of intimate caring. As he has been getting on his feet, I’m seeing other sides of him also that I don’t like. He thinks primarily of himself; he doesn’t value me, doesn’t really treat me very well. Most troubling is something that is happening lately – he presents one radically different face in public and another in private. In public he pretends that he is into me, but in private it is completely different. I’ve been sick a lot lately, and have noticed that when I am sick, he doesn’t contact me nearly as often. I’m also detecting something else … under the surface, a slight disrespect that I don’t like. I started seeing this when he started to get on his feet a month or two ago. I will not put up with that.
So, I put his ring in the box he gave it to me in and plan to give it to him tomorrow. I’m planning on making a list of why I’m breaking up with him tonight so that I won’t be tempted to get back together in a week or month. I have a feeling though, that now things are looking up in his life, that he won’t put a lot of pressure on me to stay. In my heart, I sense that this is the time to leave as in the past, he seemed like he didn’t want to let me go.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
It sounds like you’re making the absolute right decision. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the future!
Post # 4
I send strength to you with all my telopathic abilities!!
Seriously. This is a rough situation, one with no clear cut borders, which is what makes it so tough. But you are doing the right thing. And I wish you the best and hope you get to eat plenty of chocolate/candy/filet mignon (or whatever strikes your fancy).
Post # 5
Good for you for realizing that you deserve more than this. There is better out there, you best believe it.
Post # 6
Look. From what you are saying it sounds like you are doing the right thing. But you think you have given it enough time. I’m not encouraging you to stay under these circumstances. But do you think he is just going through a rough patch. Do you that it would be worth having a serious talk with him about it first?
I think you are making a very brave move and I congratulate you for that. No one should put up with the behaviour that you are describing. I’m just trying to encourage you to be convicted in your decision ( although you sound like you already are)
how long have you felt this way? Xox
Post # 7
Thanks lia22, winstonchurchill, and MrsYoshida. It has been a very emotional decision, that’s for sure!
Hope1985 – thanks also for your response. No, unfortunately, I don’t think this is a rough patch. We’ve always had these issues, probably from close to the beginning of the relationship. I tried to break up twice early on, but went back right away. A lot is because I’ve been so inexperienced in relationships … in fact, this is probably why I stayed as long as I have. We’ve spoken about these issues over the months (except for the disrespect part, that is something that I can’t quite put my finger on – and it is a fairly new development). I think the long and short of it is that he doesn’t truly love me – not enough to put me first at least some of the time. This is why he’ll text me sporadically when I’m sick (and can’t do things for him), but when I’m well and can do things for him, there’s lots of contact.
If it were just one or two things, then yes, I’d try to work it out. But it is too many things that deal with basic charater – and these things have been happening for a long time, unfortunately. I’m embarrassed, frankly, that I let this go on for this long. No way am I going to stay longer and let him mess with my self esteem.
Post # 8
It sounds like you know what you’re doing. It will be hard but you can get through this. Best wishes.
Post # 9
Well on I can say is you are an awesome woman. And you know what for a girl who doesn’t have a lot of experience in relationships you are sure acting like you know the score. you deserve better than this and I’m really glad that you know it.
you know what? We all need time to get our head around other people’s behaviour. so dont be sorry about anything. you’ve given it a fair time and your conclusion i.e his behaviour being part of his ‘ basic character’ is just such an epic observation. I just really admire how strong you are and how inspirational you are being in relation to how honest with yourself you are being.
bravo girl. Go get yourself some happy. The next bloke will be more than lucky to have you.
Sending you support, strength and respect. Xox
Post # 10
You’re absolutely making the right choice. The only thing more difficult than waiting a really, really, long time to meet the right person is not waiting enough and ending up with the wrong one.
Post # 12
Good luck. Good for you for not staying a relationship that does not make you happy and doesn’t show any signs of doing so. I hope the next relationship you find yourself in is much better for you!
Post # 13
I too broke off an engagement. Now, 5 years later, I’m getting married to my wonderful FI who really is a great match for me and I’m certain that I made the right decision. It’s good that you realized this before getting married but I know it’s still difficult. Best wishes.
Post # 14
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Much better to do it now than to try and get a divorce. Good on you for recognising the signs that something isn’t right and rather than ignoring them, which can be easier in the short term, you are doing something about it.
Post # 15
Oops. That was supposed to say “long enough,” and not just “enough.” Thanks for understanding what I intended to say, despite my having accidentally edited out the word “long.”
Post # 16
Best of luck and kuddos to you for following your gut. I think a lot of women would stay and end up miserable. At the end of the day you need to make sure that you are loved and cared for. I know it won’t be easy to end an engagement, but you seem to know its for the best. I think what you said about making a list is a fantastic idea to help remind you that you are doing the right thing in your moments of weakness. I wish you the best and hope everything goes well.