Ending opposite sex friendships when engaged/married?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wouldn’t marry anyone who expected me to dump my friends, of whatever sex/gender. 

Post # 3
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Would you have a problem if your guy DID have lady friends? That would be a gross double standard.

Your “older gal” friend sounds like an insecure nutter. Sort of like HannahGrace said, I wouldn’t marry someone who felt like they had that kind of absurd veto power on my friends based on gender. Controlling as all get out. Nor would I exercise that kind of power over my DH, even if he’d allow it. We’re both happy. Happy together, and happy going out with friends.

Post # 4
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

happybunny177:  My husband has female friends, but they are either married or his friend’s gf’s– and he’s never hung out with them solo – even before he met me.  

I had many male friends whom I was very close with (two of the were literally my very best friends in my twenties)– I didn’t get married until I was 33, and many of my closer male friends had moved away temporarily (they are back now)– I had a baby when I was 27, so my focus changed.  I’ve managed to at least stay in touch with most of them– and have even had the occasional lunch, or they’ll stop over at the house for a drink or to hang for awhile.  My husband is usually around, but there have also been times when he was at work, and one of them have stopped over for lunch.  He’s never had a problem with it.  One thing I do try to do is make sure I get to introduce them though– 

Post # 5
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

My FI has female friends (some married, some in relationships, a couple who are single) and I have male friends (also with varying relationship statuses).  No way do either of us expect the other’s friendships to be dropped.  Some of his friends are rock climbing friends and some are scuba diving friends – I climb occasionally but diving isn’t my thing so I have absolutely no issue if he hangs out with them doing those activities; if he sees them in a social situation I usually go along too.

Post # 6
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

Awhile back an older girl friend told me when couples get married, they end up letting go of their opposite sex friendships out of respect for their marriage.’

Absolutely ridiculous. This is not a thing.

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Post # 7
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Unless friends from either sexes are overstepping boundaries, I do not see why anyone would do that. 

Post # 8
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

It would me a major red flag to me if my FI asked me to give up friends of the opposite sex. We’re open, honest, and trusting, so there is no reason why either of us would ever have to give up friends. Sometimes my FI even carpools with a female coworker, and it doesn’t bother me at all.

Post # 9
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Anyone who drops their friends for no reason is a dick.

Post # 10
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

I don’t think it’s wrong to have friends of the opposite sex, but I do think it’s wrong (for lack of a better word) to go alone with a friend of the opposite sex to spend time together. That’s just me. I know there are a lot of people who don’t agree with that mindset, and I don’t think either mindset is wrong. It’s just personal preference. But, at the same time if I didn’t think it was wrong and my husband did, I would end my opposite sex friendships out of respect for my husband, because I love him.

Post # 11
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think the whole idea is stupid. If my husband asked me to drop male friendships “for respect of the relationship” I would laugh myself into the hospital as I tell him we’re walking towards divorce. I think it shows especially poorly on the people who do drop relationships for their significant other. There’s no reason for it, makes you a bad friend, and a bad person.

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Post # 12
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Absolutely not! Hell I had a male frend in my bridal party. Hiw nuts wiuld that be – Thanks for being my bridesguy, but now that I’m married we have to end our decade long friendship. Ridiculous.

Post # 13
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I actually just had this conversation with my fiance last night.  I read a comment on a thread here on WB one day and the person had said that she and her fiance are not allowed to text or hang out with people of the opposite sex.  To each their own but that does seem a little bizarre to me.  I have friends who are guys, my best friend from high school is male (he’s married now) and we still text.  Fiance works in an industry full of women and he texts and calls them.  I TRUST him and he trusts me.  I’ve never given it a second thought.

Post # 14
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh HELL no. I did once date a guy who was insecure about all of my guy-friends. That didn’t last long. It boils down to trust. And jealousy is such an abhorrent trait to me; I can’t stand it. My FI completely trusts me, does not care if I hang out with guy friends, even if the guy friend and I are hanging out drinking wine at our house alone. Of course, I fancy myself to have a super keen intuition when it comes to weird vibes, so I would also NOT be hanging out with guy friends that I suspected were interested in me romantically or had any ulterior motives AND I would disclose my suspicions to FI right away. The guys I feel cool hanging out and drinking alone with are like siblings to me.

Conversely, I don’t care if FI goes to have drink one-on-one with his girl friends. In fact, he has more close girl friends than guy friends, but most of them are my friends too and I totally trust them, as well as him. And he has the same good sense as I do. If he felt that some girl had a crush on him, he would create the appropriate distance. Also, he has been a GM at a popular nightclub, and now he bartends part-time because of school, so I would have the lamest time if I were an insecure person because I know he gets hit on all the time, and when he works he comes home at like 3-4am, or later if stays and has after-work drinks, by which time I’m almost always asleep. Yet, I always sleep easy, and wake-up happy next to him. 

Post # 15
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope. If you trust eachother, and you are both trustworthy people, why should the gender of your friends matter?

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