Ending our relationship as sisters over wedding dates! (long and rambly)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@secretkeeper22:  Wow, your sister really needs to grow up. She will realize once the wedding is over that she has overreacted and will regret everything.

Post # 4
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m going to be very honest here. I think you guys both need to do everything you can got get over this and let it go. It sounds like you both have done some things which were a little dramatic. Feelings were understandably hurt on both sides, and personally I think one of you needs to be the bigger person and try to fix this. 

Do not let one day ruin a whole relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@secretkeeper22:  It sounds to me like your sister is bitter about her relationship not progressing to marriage as quickly as she would like and she wants to take it out on you which isn’t fair.  I would mail her a letter telling her you love her and hope that this whole thing can get worked out but you will you always love her and hope to see her at your wedding.  She needs to be the one to approach you and apologizse though because it’s her that has the problem.  Forgive yourself and get married and be happy.  Let her stew in her misery on her own like she wants.

Post # 6
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry that this happening to you ♥ I think your sister is being cruel. I’m not saying that she is a cruel person, but for some reason or other she has chosen to act like this to you, and I’m sure it hurts, but you just have to accept that though there is love there, on both sides, and there always will be, you’ll never be able to be close to her again unless she decides to value that love above whatever is leading her to act this way. And you need to try to accept that it might never happen. For now, I think you should give her some space, and try to ensure only that you both attend eachother’s weddings, probably as a regular guest. Which still might not be the most stress-free idea, but you’re sisters, and I bet your parents would be happier. Maybe let your parents talk to her.

 

My sister is just under four years older than me, and she got married when I was 16, but it didn’t work out, and now she’s been in her current relationship over two years longer than I’ve been in mine. Being close to her siblings is very important to her, she’s sad that she’s not as close to our brother as ahe used to be, and she’s sad when I don’t call enough. My FI proposed in March, and she was very happy for me, and soon enough we set our date for June of next year.

 

A month ago she called me, very concerned about my feelings, to let me know she was thinking about getting married this fall, in part for insurance purposes, in a courthouse ceremony that she didn’t even realize it’d be important to me to attend. Different circumstances but still, she, like you, was very concerned about her little sister not feeling like she was trying to steal her thunder. And you know what? She was so considerate about it, and had logical reasons about, I didn’t feel that way at all. I was just happy for her. Sure, if she had been trying to have a big wedding before me I might have felt that way a bit, but I’d get over it. It wouldn’t be seen as the second of two weddings by most of my guests, and screw the people who looked at it that way, I’m awesome and going to have an awesome wedding independent of other weddings because I planned it to my taste and I’m marrying the groom. She did ask me to be her MOH in her first wedding, and I decided to have her and my best friend be maids of honor, because a reasonable sister should be able to accept not having anyone else chosen over her. Your sister is choosing to be unreasonable, and you just have to do your best to accept that right now she is not making you a priority. Sorry again.

Post # 8
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@secretkeeper22: Sorry but I think you’re the one more at fault here.

Your sister has every right to not be in your wedding party and not have you in yours. It’s not ideal, but she can do that if she wants.

But you seriously escalated the situation by telling her she was not welcome at your wedding. That was wrong, really wrong.

You owe your sister a very big apology. You need to make it clear that you are sorry you told her she wasn’t welcome at your wedding. Tell her it was in the heat of the moment and you didn’t really mean it, which I hope is true. Tell her she is welcome at your wedding and you hope to be welcome at hers.

(But don’t move your wedding – there was nothing wrong with putting your wedding first. In fact I call 12 months a long engagement!)

Post # 9
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have a long engagement (just over two years) and I would never expect anybody to put their own wedding on hold for me. Each wedding is different and I don’t think can be overshadowed by another. They are special and unique for their own reasons.

Your sister is being very silly and immature IMO.

Post # 10
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

1) you asked her if it was OK to do a certain thing

 

2) she said no, it’s not ok

 

3) she said she won’t have any bridal party

 

4) so you uninvited her from your wedding

 

?

 

something doesn’t add up

 

Post # 11
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@secretkeeper22:  I have two older sisters and I have to say if one of them made their wedding date three months before ours then I would probanly be pretty upset. Guests may have to choose which one to travel for, who gets what presents, or people think she copied you if you have similar elements. She may be running through all of the things about what may go wrong being second like someone cant come to both so they choose yours because your invites and STDs will be first. I do NOT think you were wrong to choose the date you chose as you have very valid reasoning and ultimatkey three months should be enough space for you to both shine. I just point these things out to say give her some time and really let her realize how silly those things are at the end of the day. Space is probably key as she will miss having you help her plan and probably wonder whats going on with your wedding. Sisters are a lot of work but keep at it because they are worth it! Space and then letting her know how much she means to you as a person any day not just during wedding panning should hopefully help! Also if ome of your friends is married could you do a maid of honor, matron of honor, and bridesmaid/reader so they all stand out? 

Post # 13
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@secretkeeper22:  but why did you ask her what she truly thought if you weren’t gonna be ok with one of the two possible answers? 

 

by the way: i don’t think she’s right. i don’t think she has the right to be upset about you getting married first. but you did ask her! you were the one that said that you wouldn’t be married before her if she felt like it was taking away from her wedding.

 

when you asked her the two options were: get married first, don’t get married first. but you were only ok with “get married first”. 

Post # 14
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@secretkeeper22:  OK so then I think the problem isn’t so bad. She’s not having a bridal party, and doesn’t want to be in yours unless she’s MOH. Fine, let her attend as a guest. (EDiIT: or make her MOH). (And keep your July 2014 date). She’s unfriended you on facebook – fine, it’s only facebook, communicate with her by phone.

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Before I say anything about your situation I’ll give you a little background on mine… My sister and I are four years apart (shes older) and she has been with her now DH for a year longer than my DH and I. Well my DH asked me to marry him before my sister was asked along with it being on my sisters birthday (he didn’t put two and two together), she was a little upset but then again very happy for me. DH and I were talking about getting married the following fall (october 2011) but we only discussed this with his family. Her DH asked her to marry him two months after my DH asked me and they set a date right away, october 2011. At first I was really upset because I wanted to get married then but so be it I was happy for her! A couple of weeks later we were going over dates for our wedding and we decided to get married in noverber, exactly three weeks after my sister. Crazy? you have no idea! Before telling anyone other than my MIL, FIL and DH I called my sister and asked her if she was ok with it. She said she was but I could hear in her voice she wasnt. We ended the conversation and I thought that was it. Well I was wrong. She called me back all upset saying that our family were going to be torn blah blah blah… I explained to her our wedding was going to be much smaller (ours 70 and hers 140) and I wasn’t planning on inviting much of our family anyway. Already long story short… TALK IT OUT! 

Both of you have said some harsh things. You are both under a lot of stress, which is totally understandable. She is in the wrong for making you feel horrible for your choices and you are in the wrong for telling her she isn’t welcome to your wedding and giving her the ability to walk all over you. It will all work out in the end if you really want it too. Both my sister and I are happily married and we were both each others MOH. 

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