(Closed) Endlessly Waiting…(long rant-y post)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

after only 2yrs? no. he already told you when you graduate he would ask, you agreed to this timeline yet you’re losing it over nothing. you’ve talked already, you know its going to happen. relax. youre not in a race with your friends, your time will come.

Post # 5
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I see where you are coming from,.. I do,… but you need to remind yourself that your timeline is what you want, it’s what you agreed to, it’s what you wanted from the beginning.  There’s no reason to get jealous of people who are on different timelines than you.  It’s not a competition.

 

If you REALLY want to move the timeline up I think it’s only fair to at least have a talk with him about where you are at in this.  It’s completely unfair to him to say yes you want to get engaged and married after grad school and then get snippy with him all night and depressed because your friends got married.  That’s not fair. 

Post # 6
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@tbird1239:  Two years is not endless (it is a long way from 8). If you want to change your previous timeline, you need to talk to him not snap at him. He might not even be aware of why you are angry.

Post # 8
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

@tbird1239:  I think you need to openly communicate with him then.  Say listen…. logically our timeline makes sense.  It’s the financial thing to do, and the most sane thing to do.  However my head is dipping into a bit of the crazy lately and I would really like to talk about our timeline because I’m not sure I’m happy with it and I don’t want to keep snipping at you over things that are completely not your fault.

 

Maybe mention that you can get engaged and have a really long engagement.  You can get engaged now and not start planning anything until after grad school.  That’s a decent plan B

 

Bottom line is that if you want to change the timeline you need to tell him and talk to him openly about it instead of snipping at him for things completely outside of his control.  It’s not his fault your friends are on different timelines and he likely thinks he is on the same page as you. 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tbird1239: Bunny isn’t criticizing you. I feel like she’s being very straight with you.

You originally agreed to something you weren’t as okay with as you wanted to be. That’s fine, that is compromise. However, having a good frank discussion with your man is the only way anything is going to be solved.  

Most of the girls on these boards have been there. We’ve gone through the jealousy, the timeline frustration, the crying your eyes out beceause that special occasion was only A special occasion and not THE special occasion.

But a lot of the girls who come here are looking for advice, and I really feel like Bunny82 is giving you some good stuff.   

Post # 12
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@tbird1239:  I understand where you are coming from. My hubby told me it would be after I graduated, but I just couldn’t wait. I’m one of the ones that gave an ultimatum, unfortunately. We were living together and I wasn’t going to be the live-in. 

I think the other girls are not being judgemental or snarky at all. I think they are giving an honest opinion based on the information given. You do need to tell him how you feel. However, venting is totally ok!! 

Post # 13
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

@tbird1239:  I supremely apologize that you feel like that but I’m not criticizing you at all.  At least, I’m not meaning to and I’m sorry you took it like that.  I’m a bit of a blunt person and sometimes I lack the ability to wrap things up in a softer manner so maybe that’s what happened? 

 

If it makes any difference I wrote “hugs!” but deleted it because I felt like you’d think that would be trite, lol.  I am sorry my posts didn’t come across as supportive.  The best support I could offer to you from this situation is this:  You found this wonderful man who is the guy you are going to spend your life with.  You have your forever man.  Billy Crystal is wrong.   When you find someone you want to be with forever you don’t need forever to start as soon as possible, because it already started the day you met. 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Also I’m not saying where you are at is crazy or illogical.  I said before that I totally understand where you are coming from.  The way I phrased that would be how I would package that conversation to SO if I were in your shoes.  I should have made that more clear.

Post # 15
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I have to agree with nicki.Youre not too far off the 2 year mark amd you two agreed to getting hitched after you were done with school. No sweat!

It’s hard to do, but try to make this less a competition with your friends and focus on strengthening your relationship. Maybe it’s because lots of bees wait longer (me included) but 2 years is not so horribly long that you need to  worry! Dont let your mind run away with it.

Post # 16
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

23 is sooo young to get married! No rush!

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