Engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

This is unhealthy on both ends. He’s desperately dependent on you, and you use psychological warfare like withholding physical affection and removing your engagement ring (a symbol of your love). It’s a cycle.

He needs attention -> you withhold attenion and threaten to leave –> he gets scared you’re going to leave -> he needs MORE attention –> You withhold attention and threaten to leave….

Your two personality types seem incompatible in this very important way.

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

RUN – this is not a healthy,independent, stable adult. You have 3 kids, you don’t need another. I’m thinking he moved in with you because it was an improvement, and he might have issues supporting himself AND 3 hellish kids?

Also, you tala about him being clingy and needy, but then allude to his “rages?” when he’s texting you 40 times in 4 hours is he threatening, angry, belligerent? If so HUGE red flag. This is textbook behavior from someone controlling and it will only get worse. If you marry him he won’t be happy until you are under virtual lockdown and have to check in with him for your every move.

Post # 5
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you are going through this. A few things you mentioned are concerning to me 🙁 Do you want to leave? 

Post # 9
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Meredke:  Yeah that’s so hard 🙁 And of course you love him, or this would be so easy! Is he open to couple’s counseling? I’m extra concerned because of all the kids involved, they are so aware of conflict.  Lots of hugs!

Post # 10
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Meredke:  I don’t understand your reply. Has he demonstrated rage and anger when Hes texting or demanding you communicate? Cursing, threats? That’s a very different scenario than clingy, emotionally needy/ desperate texts and communication. Please clarify the tone or type of text/ communication hes initiating when hes texting you relentlessly.

If its angry and abusive communication – leave now.

Also, what is the financial situation. Are you supporting him in any way? When you mentioned he moved into YOUR house, with his kids, I thought it might be a factor. Usually a guy only moves in with a GF if his wife has the house AND the kids. Some times men,particularly controlling men, behave even worse when the woman is in the more powerful financial position. They feel threatened by it so go to great links to try and control/ dominate because their vulnerable dependent position. A way of feeling less vulnerable is by feeling like they have total control over the woman. 

PI think you should steel your resolve and do exactly what you told him you would do the next time he flips out – because he obviously will do it again. If heconstantly agrees the behavior is unacceptable and out of control when he’s calm, but keeps repeating it anyway – he is obviously not stable and needs help, but not the type you can give him. You and your kids will only suffer due to his instability and he will pull you all down with him. 

Post # 11
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁 I agree with the PP’s that this relationship is unhealthy.

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That sounds like a total mess.

Move him back out, and if you want to try to make it work, get some serious counseling!

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