Post # 1
Hi! I just got engaged to my BF (now fiance) of 6 months and couldn’t be happier but I announced it and people are not taking it the way I thought. I am 25 (almost 26) and my fiance is 20, almost 21. People r saying ‘don’t rush it’ and asking me if it is a promise ring or an engagement ring. i simply replied engagement ring and my sister completely went off on me saying i needed to take my time and that i’d only dated him for 6 months and that he is still a BOY. She thinks it is because i have 4 other cousins who got engaged this year (i would be the last female cousin to not be married). i guess i don’t know what i am asking, but i want honest opinions from y’all. i give you the right to be brutally honest. i do NOT want to hear what you think i want to hear (as i sometimes suspect people of doing) so only support me if you honestly feel that way, please. am i rushing things? i am very happy and i know i want to spend my life with him but i want honest to God advice. r my friends and sister just overreacting?
Post # 3
I’m not sure anyone can really tell you whether you are rushing or not without really knowing you and your situation, and maybe not even then. It is different for everyone. I have one friend who just got engaged on her 6-month dating anniversary, and I have no doubts she and her fiance were meant to be together. At the same time, I know other people who are now married but took something like 8 or 9 years to get to the engaged point. It is different for everyone. There is no right or wrong path or standard length of time.
You just have to ask yourself if it is right, if you are sure you want (basically) the same things in life, and if you are best friends enough to handle ANYTHING that comes your way, whether it be job loss, sickness, children, legal troubles, etc. Ask yourself what it will be like to be with this person down the road when there is no wedding excitement, no pretty dress to try on, no brand-new sparkly ring to show off. If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to endure whatever might happen – be it good or bad – then there’s your answer.
Best wishes to you!
Post # 4
I personally wouldn’t be able to marry someone I had only known for 6 months (though my FI and I didn’t get engaged until 7 years, so…lol), but everyone’s situation is different. I think I would need more info about you and your FI to judge. At 20, I def wasn’t an adult and I have changed a lot since then, but at 20, I was still in college.
Post # 5
@Miss PumpkinPenguin: I agree; I really think it’s based on your situation, OP, and since I don’t know you or your new fiance, I really can’t judge. I’ve known my fiance for three years and we’ve been together for two so it isn’t as long as other people, but I know it was the right amount of time for us, and I know without a doubt we are absolutely ready to take this next step together.
What I would say is talk to people you trust and that know both of you. If those people have doubts, hear them out. Maybe they’re just judging you prematurely: and some people will just judge you no matter what. But maybe they know you and love you and are looking out for you–and then maybe you should listen to them.
Post # 6
Every relationship is different, so only you know yourself and FI. However, as someone who got engaged in less than 6 months and married shortly thereafter, I’d advise you to wait.
It generally takes 6 months to a year to get out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship where both partners are on their best behavior. During the honeymoon stage, you can fall in love with your partner, but you can’t really get to know them and your relationship may change drastically as the newness of the relationship wears off and you get more comfortable with each other. Of course this doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen a lot, especially to younger couples like you and your FI.
It’s great that you and your FI are so in love and sure of your relationship, but is there a reason you can’t wait a bit longer to get to know each other better before planning a wedding?
Post # 7
I’d have a hard time with this. It’s the age difference more than anything— 5 or 6 years difference isn’t that big a deal at other stages of life, but the difference between 20 and 25 can be huge. A 25-year-old is without a doubt an adult, may already have established a career, and so forth. A 20-year-old can’t even legally buy a beer in the US. I’d be worried that as the 20-year-old finishes maturing over the next few years, the couple might no longer feel compatible.
Of course it’s different for everyone. We all mature at different ages, I know some 17-year-olds that are adults for all intents and purposes, and I know some 40-year-olds that are hopeless children. But I’d guess the combination of short engagement and age difference is what’s raising eyebrows. I’d definitely recommend taking your time and enjoying a long engagement.
Post # 8
As previous posters said, only you and your fiance can truly know whether or not you are suited to each other forever but, just from a scientific standpoint, six months is pretty soon to be jumping into “happily ever after.”
When you first fall in love with someone, your brain releases all these crazy hormones which basically make you addicted to this person (the brains of someone in love resemble those of a crack addict!) and, given that the brain can’t keep this up forever, these hormones start to decrease after about 18 months to two years after the initial falling in love stage. So…at six months, your brains are still making you guys addicted to each other, leading to those thoughts of “I can’t live without this person/Never felt this way before, etc. etc.” Especially given how young your fiane is. If he hasn’t had many serious girlfriends before, he may be mistaking the hormones and excitement with wanting to stay with you forever.
Enjoy your engagement, but I think you and your fiance need to be very open and honest with each other about your plans for the future, your feelings towards each other, etc. It’s easy to imagine spending the rest of your life with someone when the relationship is still new and exciting – when that fades, you want to be sure there’s something to keep the relationship going.
Post # 9
Thank you both for answering.
li612 you wanted more info about us. i met my fi at my old job about a year ago, he was currently dating someone else and i had just gotten out of a bad break up but he broke up with her about a month after i met him. at christmas we went on a date but didnt start dating until valentines day. i’m currently going back to school and have my own house and he isn’t the type for college and is working in retail. i knew I loved him back on our first date. i think a lot of people are off put by our age difference and the length of our relationship, most women in my family had to date for at least 5 years before they got engaged, but with me and my FI we knew right away. My FI might be 20 but he is very mature for his age, probably more mature than most 25 year olds I know. probably y i love him so much!
Oops at the time i started typing only a few had replied. Thank you all for your answers! I really appreciate them. I thought about the honeymoon phase too but i don’t know, it might be so, but i’ve also never felt like this about anyone, ever.
Post # 10
I think very few 20 year-old men have the maturity, experience, or self-knowledge to make such an important decision at all, let alone after six months. My honest opinion is that you should have a long (at least two-year) engagement and attend premarital counseling well in advance. If you’re right for each other, this will only make you stronger.
Post # 11
I would have a problem with this as well. I understand where your family is coming from. Especially in this day and age, someone who is married at 20 will not be married (to that same person) at 30. They haven’t finished growing up yet. They haven’t come into their own, now they’re taking on a wife and potentially a family.
They’re right, if you’re so in love and you’re so convinced it’s right, it’ll be right in a few more years, too, but you’re entering into your 30’s with insight that someone who was a teenager the other day doesn’t have.
Post # 12
@dmk90716: Eek! I don’t think i consider myself entering into my 30s quite yet. he’ll be 25 when i am 30, hopefully by the time i’m entering my 30s he’ll be out of his teen phase! 🙂
Post # 13
It really depends on you two. My fiancé and I have been dating since April (although we met two and a half years ago) and are getting married before the year is out (most likely on 10/14 now). Most people are happy for us, but there are always going to be people who are skeptical, because of their own experiences.
I think that unless you have both had numerous serious relationships and have gone through relationships ups and downs with other people and together, you should try to wait a longer time to get a feel for what being married will be like.
For us, we both have a lot of experience with relationships going in, and have more or less rushed through the “honeymoon” phase to get to where we could really figure out if we’re compatible. The most annoying part of our relationship for me was when I was obsessed with him because I knew it was all horomones and I’m more or less sick of that because horomones LIE. Haha. I’ve been so head-over-heels before and thought I was going to marry guys but didn’t because in the end we didn’t have that much in common at all.
As for him being 20, everyone matures at different rates. It’s more about experiences…if this is his first relationship, definitely have a looooong engagement, but I mean some people move out at 16 and are self-sufficient and responsible, some people live with their parents until their 30’s and 40’s and don’t know how to do laundry. There isn’t a set age or length of relationship that will magically make a couple ready to get married.
Post # 14
They are over-reacting. Everyone’s relationship progresses differently.
FI proposed to me a week after meeting me (he says if you know you’ve found the right woman, why wait), and I finally accepted his third proposal nearly four months later. (He was persistent!)
The only person who really has enough information to know whether or not it is right is you and your FI. I imagine you know if he is mature for his age or not and you know how you feel about each other and you know if you are compatible in the ways that matter. Some people take a long time to figure these things out and others don’t need much time at all.
Post # 15
You want the truth? Normally I’d say yep that’s way too young (for him) but then again, I don’t know you guys. And I’ve learned over my many years that I personally may have opinions on certain things but knowing more of the situation my opinion might change.
I was engaged to my first husband at 19 after 10 months….everyone was freaked out b/c I was still in school….I waited until I finished school 4 years later to marry him. And yes, I personally changed….but that wasn’t why we got divorced.
I was engaged to DH after 13 months and we got married 11 months after that. People were more understanding b/c we are both in our 30s and I’ve had fertility issues….people were even pushing us to start trying for kids before the wedding.
I will tell you that if for whatever reason the relationship doesn’t work out, people will cite your ages as the reason….just be prepared for that. Other than that, if it FEELS right and you honestly know he is the ONE, I see no problem with it and ignore the snarky comments (you’ll get many of those throughout your life, trust me!)….Best wishes!!!
Post # 16
I got engaged after 6 months and 22 days so I know how you feel. People, especially family were really against it. However FI and I are older and I feel we have sewed our wild oats. I don’t know if a man of 20 has had the time to do the same.