(Closed) Engaged after us married before us

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t say I’m “moldy bread,” (LOL) because I’m not engaged yet, but I just felt like I had to comment to say I’m with you!

Exactly how much time is going to be between your weddings? A week? A month? I get the sentiment that she shouldn’t be putting her life on hold because of you… But two weddings in one family in such a short time period puts a lot of strain on people financially, too. I think that she should have at least consulted with you. You’ve been waiting for this for a long time! I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way ๐Ÿ™

Post # 4
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a feeling you’re going to get a lot of “get over it” responses but I toootally understand. COMPLETELY.  I think if you already sent your save the dates though and they haven’t yet, your wedding will be priority to the people invited. I think.

I’m really sorry! I don’t have advice really, but I can relate.

My sister’s been married for years and I still sometimes feel my mom is more focused on her wedding than mine. >:( Not that it’s the same situation but you know. haha:)

Post # 6
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BamaBride081112: yes, this is super awkward, because there’s little way Out of Town guests could come for both, unless they were planning for a 6 week stay! And you don’t want to start a competition/fight to get people to “choose” your wedding over hers.

That is unfortunate to hear. I don’t have any concrete advice for you, but I do feel for you.

Post # 7
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I totally hear you.  I got engaged in Sept, of ’10, and we had to wait a respectful distance from my FSIL’s wedding, who just got married last month. Our wedding is now 6 months away, and then there are 2 more family weddings already set for next summer.  Another family member just got engaged and wants to swoop in and have theirs before all of ours.  I am a little miffed- mainly because we all were doing the nice thing by spacing the weddings out, and now this person doesn’t care about any of that and wants to do it in the next few months, family budgets be damned.  I really wanted to have a few months of family just being excited for our wedding, but no luck there, just becoming moldy bread! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I assume you’ve voiced this to HER, right?

Post # 9
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I realize you already sent out save the dates but is it at all possible for her to move her wedding closer to your date or vice versa. That way the out of town/country guests could attend both in one trip? 

I’m sorry they’re stealing your thunder! That really sucks. Have you tried talking to her about it?

Post # 10
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sucks to feel like your thunder is stolen. Obviously you can’t claim seasons of a year, but wouldn’t it be great if you could? I know it stinks, and you’ve had your reasons but three years is a long time. It’s just bad timing that his cousin is getting married too. I’m sorry for you!

My Future Sister-In-Law got “engaged” (we’re thinking it was pretty forced) four days after us. It was rough feeling like our thunder was stolen. Honestly, we set our date before theirs. I was trying to be accomodating and work around them before someone knocked some sense into me. 

Post # 11
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Although it sucks that it’s family and that it could mean some guests would have to pick, ultimately, it’s not her fault that she wants to get married when she does.  I imagine anyone who has a long engagement (ie longer than 18 months) will have a hard time keeping the excitement up for that long.  Remember that feeling you had from your family and friends when you first got engaged?  Your cousin is getting that now, probably the same amount you did when you first got engaged.  The only difference is that the hype will probably be there for the entireity of her planning whereas yours faded when people realized you weren’t booking things or setting dates. 

I would talk to her 1 on 1 about how you are concerned about out of town guests.  Do not talk about how her wedding date is so close to her or that she’s stealing your thunder.  If she does not want to change her date, you could change yours as long as you haven’t booked any vendors. Good luck. 

Post # 12
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@JBing: I am going through a similar situation. FI’s sister got engaged 6 months before we did (in 2010). Fiance and I were planning to become engaged and looking at rings when we decided (amoungst ourselves) that we wanted an October 2011 wedding (about a year to plan.) FI’s sister set her date for October of 2011 thus making us have to wait even longer to give her that grace period of “not stealing her thunder.” (Not her fault, but it still sucked.) We have now been engaged for almost 2 years and in the meantime two of my friends and three cousins got engaged. My two friends are getting married 2 months after us, and my three cousins are (you guessed it) getting married before us. It is a major bummer…especially since we wanted to set a date before FI’s sister but held off on our plans to be considerate. You can’t expect other people to do the same ๐Ÿ™

Post # 13
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

“someone else is going to swoop in and drastically change the tone of our wedding”

How exactly are they doing this? Their happiness doesn’t take away from yours.

Post # 14
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@daybyday: This. Happiness is not a zero-sum game, seriously. The only way it’s going to take away from your happiness is if you let their happiness make you bitter (in which case, it’s your fault, not theirs). 

Post # 15
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That’s crap!  I totally know how you feel (well, I can relate, anyway) and I understand some people are going to tell you to get over it and take control of your own happiness, but maybe they have been in the situation or don’t fully understand how you feel that people will not be able to come to your long-awaited wedding.  I don’t have any great advice for you, but I fully empathize.  I’m sorry they did that, it was rude!

Post # 16
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand how you feel. You finally set a date after three years and now your cousin has gotten engaged and wants to set a date sooner, so it takes the wind out of your sail.

However, people have had 3 years to be excited for your engagement and your cousin deserves the same excitement you got the first few weeks. No one is not excited for your wedding, even though you may feel that way. Now one knows for sure which family members won’t be making the trip yet, maybe they weren’t planning to go to either.

My SO’s cousin was getting ready to propose to his Girlfriend, everyone knew it was coming, well doesn’t the cousin’s sis come back from vacation engaged! Everyone was happy for them, the bro and his Girlfriend were a little miffed but were happy for them. A few months later the cousin decides to propose to his Girlfriend. Now the sister was miffed and threw a freaking temper tantrum. “Your stealing my thunder, No one will care about mine now, Everyone’s talking about the newly engaged couple” And you know what? We were all happy for both couples. The only people that had issues were the engaged couples. So enjoy your wedding planning because whether you want to believe it or not, everyone is really really happy for you!

Don’t feel that no one cares because they do! No one stole your thunder, I promise!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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