Engaged and confused

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@tigerlily1601:  The fact that you are not 100% sure is a valid reason to take a step back and re-evaluate your engagement. Maybe you can take a break from each other and go stay with family for a bit, or something. Or possibly tell him you want to put the engagement on hold while you figure things out. Either way, you don’t need more of a reason than that. If you’re not sure, that’s enough of a reason.

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I think your feelings and thoughts are correct. These issues may seem insignificant, but many of them are, in my opinion, signs that two people may not be right for each other.

Putting the wedding on hold, and maybe even moving out, could help you to understand the situation and what you really want and need to do. 

The fact that you are having these doubts is the only reason you need to take a step back and reasses the situation.

Post # 5
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I would postpone the wedding, if I were having these sorts of doubts. You want to avod going through with a wedding, simply because of the money that has been spent already, or the expectation that you will marry.

Take some time to think things over.

The main question is: will you be happy without this man ? Do you feel happier with him, or without him?

 

Post # 6
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@tigerlily1601:  You are having doubts about extremely important values. That’s tough. A marriage is a partnership through which you help one another achieve your goals. Just because you’ve been to Paris doesn’t mean you can’t go again. And you can *live* abroad without doing it through school. But it’ll be hard to do with someone who isn’t interested and doesn’t want to spend the money. 

A HUGE one is that he isn’t sure about kids. These are the kinds of things you need to be sure of before you marry. I actually think unless religion is very important to you, religious compatibility is not that big a deal. The bigger deal is do you want to live in similar places and want to reach similar milestones. If not, he may not be your life partner.

Post # 7
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You definitely need to pursue counseling, whether it’s on your own to talk this out with someone, or as a couple. Perhaps he doesn’t believe in it, but once he begins the process he may see the value. You don’t want to go into a marriage with these feelings, it’s just not fair to either of you. See if you can do some work with a professional to figure things out.

Post # 8
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

In your very long post about this man, I find it strange that of all the things you had to say about him, you never said that you love him. 

 

Post # 9
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

“He is a good person, and he is good to me”….But, how do YOU feel? Do you actually love him?

If you don’t love him, don’t marry him.

If you DO love him, and truly love him, that should be enough to overcome anything that may be in your way. Because if two people love eachother truly and completely, then they will do anything for eachother.

By reading your post, it comes across as though you are fond of him, as he is kind to you, and he is a good man. But perhaps you are just good friends now? You never mentioned that you loved him.

x

Post # 10
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@tigerlily1601:  I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way, it definitely sounds like a tough situation. From reading your post, it doesn’t sound like you are very happy, but of course I don’t know the whole story and when we post stuff like this, it’s frequently heavily about the need to vent (which we all do!).

Regardless, if you truly aren’t happy or aren’t sure how you feel, then I definitely think it’s fair to take a step back and reevaluate your next life options and steps. I think it’s very mature and admirable of you to know that this is something that needs further thought, rather than just sweeping the potential issues under the rug. I’m not sure what other advice I can offer other than to listen to your gut and give the counseling route a try if you think it might work for you. ((Hugs))

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