- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
My FI and I have been engaged for 16 months now and our wedding is set for June. We have been together for 3 years but as it gets closer I just keeping getting more nervous. There is nothing really huge that stands out, but it is just a thought that keeps nagging at the back of my head.
He is a good man and tries very hard to treat me well. I think he has noticed I’ve been a little off the last few days and has been extra sweet which has just made these thoughts even harder. I think the problem is that when we are good, things are great, but when we fight, the fights can be awful. Not abusive or throwing things bad, but we’ve had definite yelling matches. We had one of those fights just after Christmas. He says he can just let them go afterward, but they bother me for a while.
I think the thing that makes this hard for me is that I grew up watching my parents fight all the time. They got divorced after I moved out of the house (after 23 years of marriage) and I remember my mom telling me afterward that she should have let it go sooner. They have both found new significant others and they both say they never fight with them like they did with each other and they are really happy. I don’t want to go through a marriage and a divorce to end up like that.
Also, my FI and I met in college and I am afraid of getting married and having regrets about doing things I didn’t do beforehand. This is the only serious long-term relationship I’ve been in. I always said I wanted to study abroad, and I didn’t do that while in college (not just b/c of him, there were other extenuating circumstances), but I still feel like while I’m young is the time to do those things. I talk about wanting to go to Paris and Rome and he just says that he has already been there.
He graduated before I did and got a job, and after I graduated I moved to the town where he is (and I hate it here but I found a good job too even though it’s not exactly what I want to do). I started doing a masters’ program online and he says that he will move wherever I get a job after I finish my degree, but I am finding that I really miss being on campus for my program, and I keep wishing I was there for different opportunities.
He is not sure if he wants to have kids and I am… even though I know I want to wait a while. We have fairly similar views on religion. We took the Prepare to Last couple check-up (I checked out the videos and workbook from the library) and it said the only area we were strong in was finances, everything else could use work, especially communication. He doesn’t want to do any pre-marriage counseling. I’ve tried to get him to say yes, and finally he said, “I will do it for you, but I know it won’t do anything for me.”
I’m not sure if these are legitimate reasons to call off an engagement or not. Like I said he is a good person, and he tries to be good to me, but we do have definite differences. 🙁