Engaged – and discovered pregnant yesterday – fiance pressuring me for abortion

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 4
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

It may just be initial shock, but he sounds like he has a terrible way of dealing with curveballs. He’s perfect until put in a position of stress and possible hardship… That doesn’t really sound like a person you would want to spend your life with. I don’t know whether you can emotionally or financially handle at this time being pregnant/a single mom but as for this guy, I say run for the hills! He isn’t being at all supportive or seem to want to take your feelings into consideration and that isn’t fair to you 🙁 

Post # 5
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

How long have the two of you been together?  I know that is a strange question, but so is his behavior.

 

Post # 6
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m sorry you are going through this; my heart goes out to you. Regardless of whether his reaction is down to shock or not, he has no right to treat you this way. Yes, you’re both in it together and he needs to realise that too. Hopefully he snaps out of this and you two can come to an agreement as to what to do but at this time it doesn’t sound like he’s even in the right frame of mind to be telling you what to do. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1965 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

oh hunny i am so sorry you are going through this, as if pregnancy isnt stressful enough.

 

His reaction is terrible and as you describe totally out of character. Would giving him some time help do you think? Maybe he needs to speak to HIS parents about it and see what they have to say, he might be surprised at their actual reaction and calm down. 

 

That being said however his families feelings in all of this are null and void. He should be supporting his future wife. You have clearly stated that abortion is not an option and that is ok. If he is truely not on board than im afraid it looks like your relationship cannot go any further. 

 

It may not be the right time but in two or three years time you will have a beautiful child.

 

Lets say you did have an abortion. how would he feel in 3 years time if you were then unable to conceive, knowing that it as him that pressured you into the desicion. 

 

He is definately over reacting and i would be careful. Is this the firt time you have witnesed this behavious from him. How does he normally handle stresssful situations?

ETA Sorry for the spelling and grammar, im in a rush but didnt want to read and run

 

Post # 11
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! *internet hugs* 

How old is your FI? He’s acting like a scared 15-year-old boy! He’s definitely very bad at handling stressful situations and had no right to lash out on you like that. Coward!

What you can do right now is make yourself a hot cup of tea, sit down and think about whether you want to keep this baby regardless of what your FI may think of it and regardless of what that means for your relationship. Are you willing to keep this baby even if that means your relationship won’t survive? Think about this independantly. No man has the right to blackmail you like that – either you have an abortion or I leave. That’s simply not acceptable. Make your decision without taking his “scared teenage boy” threats into account.

If you’re sure you want to keep this baby, he’ll have to make a decision whether to keep both of you or to lose both of you but he cannot force you to have an abortion. If he’s so concerned about “bringing shame upon his family”, you could also elope and get married right away so the child won’t be born out of wedlock. You’re engaged anyway so why wait? 

But either way you deserve a man who’s more concerned with you than his family and any potential shame. Give him a little time to calm down from the initial shock and see the situation for what it is. This baby is only coming 2-3 years sooner than intended, not 10 years sooner. Having it may be difficult but it’s not impossible or life-threatening. Just give him a day or two, maybe he’ll come around.  

Good luck, honey, and keep us posted. *hugs* 

Post # 12
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@beeanonysorry:  I couldn’t let anyone pressure me into an abortion. Don’t get me wrong, Im not against them in the least, I have had one myself.

I was like you, I had one and it tore me up, and I have an implant so there would be no chance of me missing my pill, taking some medicine etc. and getting pregnant again. I couldn’t lose another baby, I am just… one of those women.

I can’t relate completely though, I have no issues with my fertility and so that is no issue whatsoever for me…

If I were you I would give him some time, it could take days or weeks, but you need to let him know by x date (perhaps at your 8-10 week mark) you need to sit down, and have a completely rational conversation and he needs to be perpared for that.

If he’s the man you know him to be, Im sure he will be able to get through this with you, but he obviously needs some time to get over the big shock. He knows you have some time right? Its not as though this decision needs to be made tonight, you are very very early on.

 

All the best anony, this must be really hard xo

Post # 14
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@beeanonysorry:  If you’re this stressed it’s absolutely not a day to be working. You are legitimately stressed to the point of not functioning properly (Im sure you don’t back into people normally) Take this time for yourself sweetie!

 

@MsMeow:  +1to, like, everything here.

Post # 15
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@beeanonysorry:  He may just be freaked out, but I think it’s more like this is the real him. True colors. I had a friend in highschool who actively tried to get pregnant. She and her bf were purposely not using any form of contraception in order to get pregnant. Then when she got pregnant he freaked out. Forced her to have an abortion on the grounds of leaving her if she didn’t. Then after she did he left her anyway. Turned out he had been cheating and lying about everything.

This man is saying truly horrible things to you. Over a baby? Over a baby he would want in 2 years, but not 9 months. Something seems off. It’s your decision what to do, but protecting his image from your family will only make them think you’re crazy when the shit hits the fan later on down the line. Isn’t your husband supposed to emotionally support you in your time of need? 

Post # 16
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Do you want to get an abortion?

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