- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Background: My FI and I have been together for 4 years. We started out doing long distance and about a year and a half ago I moved to his city to see where the relationship would go. We have always been very upfront about wanting a future together and we talked about being engaged a great deal before it actually happened. We have our ebbs and flows in the relationship, things were stressful when we were long distance and there was and adjustment period after I moved, but typically we’re a happy couple and I want to be with him in the future. I come from a solid family, who is probably too involved in my business on a daily basis, and he is an only child- both parents have been through 2 divorces.
Current Situation: We have been engaged since December. For about a month after the engagement I was super happy, we were having so much fun telling people about how he proposed and things were great. It seemed like after Christmas, shit started rolling downhill. Every little thing he did made me question if that was what I was going to have to deal with in the future. I started making learning lessons out of small arguements to stress a point I was trying to make, and that in turn would blow the arguement out of proportion. He thought I was being crazy and started to pull away a little. Things like going out to his favorite bar, which we have had words about in the past because of the amount of time he spends there, he started hiding from me to avoid conflict. I took this as he was hiding something deeper because i dont think it is ever ok to lie about anything, even something small, and i snooped through his email. I know it wasn’t right and I’m not proud I did it, I didnt find anything to be concerned about, but there was a comfort in knowing what he was up to. Well, he found out about me looking through his email and let’s just say he wasn’t very happy about it. He has since changed his password telling me that he isnt mad anymore but he values his privacy, and I agree that he should have it.
We discussed that I am feeling very anxious about the future with him. I hate not knowing what it holds and not being able to control this situation. I guess I felt like if I knew what he was up to I would have more control. I’m scared that we are going to get married and then things will fall apart. Especially because his dad cheated on his mom and his step mom. I know it isn’t fair to hold that against him, but the fact that he lied about little things has me paranoid he will lie about bigger things in the future. It felt good to talk to him, but I need advice on getting a handle on this anxiety.
I’m not really looking for people to tell me the relationship is doomed and to jump ship, because i want to work this out. I guess I just want feedback if anyone else has felt anxiety or paranoia after getting engaged? i dont feel as happy as I think I’m supposed to. We are moving in together this weekend and I want to get a handle on this because I dont want to drive him away with acting crazy.