Engaged and fighting stage 4 cancer for 2nd time

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4894 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I haven’t been through anything like what you’re going through but I wanted to say I admire your courage & strength.  You ‘re going to handle this great.

Personally, my impulse would be to go forward with the wedding.  But, I would modify my plans to avoid putting ourselves in a financial bind.  You could do a small & intimate ceremony next year & if a big splashy party is important to you, why not do a vow renewal once you’re back to work?

I wish you all the best & a speedy recovery.  You’ll be in my thoughts & prayers.

Post # 3
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First of all, I am so sorry you are going thru this fight. I sincerely hope you are able to over come this terrible disease.

We just lost my FMIL in April, after a decade long battle. And boy was it a battle! She fought everyday. But, she didn’t just fight to stay alive. She fought to LIVE. She chose to take each day and make it as awesome as she could. She refused to believe her time was limited, she made plans, and she did things. My 2 year old son, is also a survivor. His battle was easier, and of course he is little, therefore resilient, but I watched him continue on, and win.

My point is, get married. It doesn’t have to be a big affair. Its about you and your FI. Planning this wedding is a great thing to use to look forward to, and keep you busy. As long as your FI supports this, I see nothing but positivity coming from planning.

My only advice, is make things as easy for yourself as possible. Don’t stress over the dumb things we brides-to-be often do. Ask for help, and include your FI. Most of all, take care of yourself. 

I truly wish you good luck with all of this 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Just get married as soon as you can.  Life is to be lived.  

Post # 5
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

 

Supersleuth:  +1. Get married now. You will love being married and it will only give you more strength. When you’re in a better place financially, have a HUGE party to celebrate your life and your marriage.

Post # 6
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Ceremony and Reception: Historic mansion on the water

For the past two years my FH underwent radiation and chemo to battle two bouts of cancer.  This past May he was declared cancer free.  We postponed our wedding twice during all of this.  Postponing was a very emotional decision for us both.  We were not always on the same page.  In the end, however, it was the best decision for us at the time.  If, God forbid, the “c” should raise its ugly head again we will NOT postpone.  One thing we learned life is indeed too short and tomorrow is not promised.  I pray for your complete defeat of cancer and happy wedding planning.

Post # 7
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would get married now but I wouldn’t do in a way that takes all the part time income that your FI is making. 

I’m so sorry that your cancer has returned and that you have a surgery coming up in the future.

Post # 8
Member
6591 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry about all the stuff you’re going through. I think you can still get married though. Maybe just have a smaller wedding. If you end up in the hospital when you’re ready to marry, I know the hospital people can work with you to still have a ceremony there.

Post # 9
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

I am so sorry for all you’re going through. Maybe a small, intimate, beautiful wedding with just you + FI (and your parents/family) sooner then the big blowout reception after you’re back on your feet?

What a terrible situation, many hugs for you.

Post # 11
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Praying for you. Many hugs and much support. I totally agree with all the Bees who encouraged you to go ahead and get married as planned, and have the big party later. Enjoy your engagement and marriage the best you can!

Post # 12
Member
8903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

LilyValley:  I’m sure sorry! I am sending you lots of strength and luck. I agree with the others, in your shoes I would want to get married as soon as possible with our closest love ones, and then have a big party in a year or two when things are more stable. Best of luck!

Post # 13
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry about the health stuggles.   Ultimately I see why you should just marry and do what you can afford NOW.   No debt,   medical bills and not working make this very important.  Plan a wedding when you’re well and can afford it.   Maybe it’s you and both parent in a nice resturant with a rack dress?  maybe you do it spontaniously when you’re having a good day.    The pain of putting this off would liklely make your treatment harder.

 Although not quite the same thing,   I have a brain tumor that caused me some issues.  However the brunt of my issues are in my past and not foreseeable coming back in the short term.  Although I had plenty of doctor things while engaged and planning,  I still worked, had savings and was reasonably healthy.    It was a pain in the rump even then and you don’t need to deal with that, money trouble and treatment. 

Make it simple and lovely and plan a big party when you’ve got cancer beat again.

Post # 14
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You are very brave, I’m praying for your recovery.  As PP have advised, you could have a small wedding now and a larger reception once finances allow it.

Post # 15
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I admire your strength, and I’m so sorry you go through this. I hope you have a full recovery.

I agree with the PPs – get married!  You deserve it.  Have a small wedding and budget well.  And you can always do that large wedding as a vow-renewal later on.  It would be such a great celebration for you and your future husband down the road.  Best of luck with everything <3

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  SeaOfLove.
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