Engaged and freaking out

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@engagedandfreakingout:  If you aren’t sure that you want to commit the rest of your life to him, you shouldn’t be engaged and leading him on. I feel bad for him! Does he have any idea?

Post # 4
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@engagedandfreakingout:  TALK.  TO.  HIM.  Those aren’t common feelings…it’s normal to be nervous about being a good wife or how the wedding day will go, but the only thing you should be 100% about is the man you’re going to marry.  It sounds like you just might not be ready.  He’s your best friend…you should be able to talk to him about anything, even this.

Post # 5
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@engagedandfreakingout:  I’m the same age as you, going to be engaged within a couple months. I also refer to my age when I think about marrying him, but I am so happy that I have the chance to marry him earlier on in my life. That means we get more years together 🙂 Also, you (and I) will be around 24 when you marry, so nothing wrong with that.

Like you said, your FI is an amazing guy and you love him. You want to marry him, right? Ignore the date completely. Just answer if you want to marry him, period. If you want to marry him, then I wouldn’t worry. As time draws nearer, you will probably get a little nervous. As long as it is just nerves and not serious doubts, you should be fine. 

You should still communicate your concern with you FI though. It would be nice to get this out in the open, and your FI can probably help reduce your worries too.

 

Post # 6
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@engagedandfreakingout:  Are there things you want to accomplish in your lifetime that you’re not sure you can do if your married to this guy? If you don’t have a concrete reason to why you’re nervous and are just generally scared to commit at this point in your life, you need to talk to him. Just be engaged for a while if you want, but its important to try and figure out why you’re nervous if he’s a fantastic guy. Are there red flags that you’re ignoring?

Post # 7
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@engagedandfreakingout:  

 

my cousin and his wife were enegaged for 6 years dated 5 b4 that so 11 years, they are the most loving couple i have ever seen, they both wanted to have the good job be done school own their home b4 they ot married and they are in love os waiting 11 years was no biggie … they stared dating when theywere in there early 20’s they they are in there early 30’s love waits 

 

love will wait, so take your time don’t rush either way don’t rush down the isle and don’t run away cuz you are not sure, just take your time and enjoy what you both are now  

Engaged  thats freak awesome to be enjoy that 

 

I my self was enegaged when i was 20, bc he was my best friend and i loved him and i couldnt think of my life with out him as part of it (i was scared to say no b.c. i knew then he wouldnt be in my life anymore it would have really hurt his feelings so i said yes) 

 my thoughts when he proposed oh god why is he doing this to me…. thats not how u wanna feel when someone asks lol 

well when i was 22 he wanted to get married have kids and all that, I wanted to go to school we had spoke of travel and seeing more of the world exploring and learning things together all of a sudden he wanted to be married get a house have kids and i was not ready he didn’t want anything he used to want and i was scared

 

I got strong and told him how i felt, we didn’t get married we broke up but it was def for the best I was tooyoung and i don’t regret it for a moment better to wait then to become divorced in your mid 20s cuz you got married in your early 20s

 

I am not saying you should break up, your in love that would be crazy to go form one extream to the other.

 

I am saying don’t rush b.c. its not fair to you or him to get married till you feel ready you can have a long engagment feel it out find out if your really ready b.c. 22 is young

 

I am now 27 I have never been happier I love my faincee he is right for me, and I am glad I got brave and got real and ended my 1st engagment b4 i was married

 

side note my faincee has been married b4 when he was in his early 20’s after collage he and I were sorta alike. He thought it was what your sposta do and he was dating a wonderful women who adored him  so they got married,  but they also got divorced b.c. he was not ready to be married.

He speaks highly of her and is happy she re married and has her kids and everything she wanted with him cuz she is a great girl and deserves that he just wasnt ready back then, so so many people do fall into the rush and then not being ready.

 

its good to take your time if your having cold feet if someone loves you waiting more time wont upset them they will want you to be ready 

Post # 8
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

engagedandfreakingout

you shouldnt set a date. and you should talk to him about it. i would have felt that way if my DH had asked me at 22. we started dating at 19 but didnt get engaged till 26. and thats how i wanted it. i wanted to wait. just in case. if hes the one you will have the rest of your life to get married. so dont stress. he will understand. if you marry with these feeling you dont want to develop a sense of regret by thinking you were pressured into it, later down the road

Post # 11
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@engagedandfreakingout:  I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty. I was asking a question, and stating my opinion, because you asked. You should be having this conversation with him and not us. Why get engaged so young? Why not wait a few more years, make sure that you are ready? If you need time to reassess, tell him that.

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@engagedandfreakingout:  At what age do you think you’ll be ready? I thought I’d be 23 when we got engaged. I wound up being 22, and I was definitely a little freaked out!

We originally planned an almost 2-year engagement. And then, after four months of engagement, my worries went away! And we moved the date closer by a year!

So I would pick a date 2-3 years away, and just enjoy a nice, long engagement!

Post # 15
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you aren’t sure he’s THE one, then you need to talk to him.  Its one thing to love someone but another thing if you aren’t absolutely POSITIVE that this is the guy you want to be with.  I don’t think it would be fair to either one of you to get married if you aren’t sure thats what you want.  You can do the long engagement…but is it really fair to your FI if you aren’t 100% sure that you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him?

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