- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Just stopped in for some female advice. I’m a soon-to-be groom. Maybe it’s odd to even be here, but I came across some similar posts and thought it wouldn’t hurt.
I’ve been engaged for six months. we’re getting married in a month and a half. to be honest, my hand was pretty forced into proposing. i wanted more time, but she wasn’t having it. i tend to deliberate for far too long when making decisions, and getting engaged was no easy task for me. in fact, i had let my previous girlfriend get away, because i didn’t take the steps to get married.
All that to say, i feel like i’m still deliberating…post decision. i don’t feel at ease. we’ve been seeing a counselor together and individually for a few months, and i don’t feel like i’m gaining any ground. our first wedding shower is this week, and all i can think about is how we’re going to deal with sending things back to people, when things go south.
i’m not entirely sure why i’m unhappy. we’re both unhappy. for starters, we had an incident in the family that shook us terribly. it’s something that affects her deeply, and will for years to come. when this thing happened, i just assumed “we can’t get married right now”. I finally brought up the idea of changing our date, and it blew up in my face. she doesn’t want me to do anything that i don’t want to do, but changing the date means more stress, loss of money, and well, just ruining her dream wedding day. not to mention the embarrassment. that’s soooo much pressure to stick to september. i don’t want to ruin her dream.
i should mention that we both agree that we’re not happy. we’ve talked at length about it. the only difference is, I feel like a lot of it is us and our dynamic, but she feels like it’s all outside factors, like this family incident. she doesn’t want this thing to rule our life. she says that she has faith that we’ll find the happiness we once felt, after things have settled down. i’m sorry, but that’s just illogical. why get married amongst so much confusion? i guess she has more faith in our foundation than i do.
i don’t know what to do. she’s leaving today to visit the venue to work out details. she’s taking her mom. i’m supposed to drive down tomorrow to meet them, and then we’re coming back for the shower on sunday. i’m at a loss. do i just press forward and see how i feel after this weekend? do i tell her not to go and call off the shower? i’ve tried reasoning. i tried to be honest and tell her where my head is at. but ultimately, i caved and said not to worry about me. i put her feelings before my own.
there’s so much more to this than i can write here. i guess i just wonder if there are others out there who have felt this way right before their wedding. i know a degree of it is just cold feet, but i’m convinced it’s a small degree. there are real issues here that i just can’t work through.
have any of you called off a wedding? changed the date?
was it hard to do?
thanks so much for any commentary