Engaged at 19 (almost 20)

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: How long did you wait to get married after getting engaged?
    1 month : (0 votes)
    6 moths : (12 votes)
    13 %
    1 year : (18 votes)
    20 %
    1 1/2 years : (26 votes)
    28 %
    2 years : (13 votes)
    14 %
    more than 2 years : (23 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    6958 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @8ethanyGra11:  If you are mature enough to be engaged and be planning to marry someone, you are mature enough to tell your parents about it. Plenty of people get engaged without a ring. Suck it up and tell them.

    Post # 4
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

    I hope I’m reading this right!  I’m a little sleepy this afternoon.

    From what I gather, he asked you to marry him but only a couple people know and those people who know are not your parents?  If that’s the case, I would sit down with him and your parents and explain a couple things.  Tell them you’re planning to get married and why you want to get married.  Then ask them for their support.

    Hopefully then it should all work out okay!


    Edited to add:  I didn’t have a ring when I got engaged either because FI was in a 2 month unemployment period at the time.  Not having a ring doesn’t make a difference – everyone we told was just as happy for us and no one asked about the ring.

    Post # 5
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @8ethanyGra11:  Are you saying that when you got engaged you didn’t tell your parents? I’m confused.  If you didn’t tell them or hint that you knew a ring was coming then I don’t know how they can be upset with you for something they’ll think was a surprise to you.

    But do you really want to take the spotlight off your daughter at her birthday party??

    Post # 8
    6958 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @mchitt329:  I think she means she told her friends she’s engaged and is now afraid one of them will slip-up and tell her parents at the party. 

    Post # 9
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Sounds like neither of you are mature enough for marriage. What’s the rush? If you don’t feel like you can tell your own parents, something is wrong. The way it is now, either continue lying to your parents, or you tell them about it when you are clearly not ready for the ramifications of it. I agree with pp’s that you don’t need a ring for an engagement but you seem to disagree, sort of. Slow down, you have time to work through all this!

    Post # 12
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee

    @8ethanyGra11:  Getting engaged without a ring is no big deal and not that rare.

    But if you feel like you can’t tell your parents you shouldn’t be getting married. I’m not opposed to young engagements/marriages when the couple can show maturity and independence.

    I’m sure having a child young has caused you to grow up a little faster too. But if you rely on your parents for help with raising your daughter then you need to be able to tell them about your engagement or else it just makes you look immature.

    Post # 13
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    “I don’t have a ring yet because he didn’t have to money at the time but said when he gets the money he will buy the ring and propose to me in front of my family”

    How will you be starting a life with this person and expect that he will be financially stable enough to support a wife and a daughter if he can’t afford a piece of jewelry?

    I’m not saying that you need a ring to be engaged, but I think financial stability has a lot to do with being responsible enough to be married.

    If I were your mother, I’d be hesitant on this union and worried that this boy won’t be able to take care of my daughter and granddaughter.



    Post # 15
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

    @8ethanyGra11:  I don’t think they would be disappointed in you unless you are giving up other ambitions in order to get married.  Are you still doing everything you would want to do if you were single? (School, career, travel, etc.)  If you are, I don’t see why they would be disappointed in you for making a commitment to someone you love.  The only reason I could think of they would be disappointed in you is if they feel he doesn’t love and respect you the way you deserve to be loved and respected or if you’re rushing.

    There’s no need to set a date right away either, just go with the flow and feel it out!

    Post # 16
    4440 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    High School Sweetheart? You just graduated! But anywho, love is love nomatter the age…it’s the maturity that matters.

    If you can handle yourself, your parents, and your relationship with maturity, then to each their own.

    If you have to coward behind your decisions then I suggest to hold off.

    If he can’t afford a ring, and has to live paycheck by paycheck (as well as yourself, and you are not self-sufficient) you may want to hold off on a wedding, or planning a wedding…just enjoy being engaged and let your relationship grow.


    I hate when people say they’ve been together X amount of years and they’ve been waiting (not that you are) or think it’s time to marry….It shouldn’t matter how many years you’ve been together,….because people could have started dating at 15 years old and at 20, most of those years were full of immaturity and not a REAL sense of love and respect, to a degree.


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