Engaged but alone

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you’re asking way too much. He proposed, be happy. You can celebrate at the wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

talk to him And tell him how you feel. usually when there’s a big life event you want to share it with your whole family! And now you have more family cause it includes his side. Hopefully y’all can go to a nice dinner and talk about the proposal and what not. I would have been sad if no one had at least acted excited about our engagement. 

Post # 5
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s kind of unrealistic to expect everyone to drop everything to celebrate your engagement. If that is very important to you then throw an engagement party and invite people. But you should host it (pay for it) and make it clear that no gifts are expected (Because it’s generally in poor taste to throw your own engagement party— someone else really should host but engagement parties in general just a rent very common any more).

Post # 7
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

exoticchic:  I get it, my FI knew how much i’d want to celebrate with family so he proposed the night before we had a big family gathering so I/we could share that special with them. He knew it was important to me.

In all honesty its highly likely he just doesn’t get that its a big deal to you (my FI certainly doesn’t get certain things I do or want but luckily he just goes along with it haha)

Some people unfortunately just don’t do things the way you would (which I have certainly learnt, sometimes you just have to suck it up and live with it! which sucks i know..) or maybe they think that you’d just want this time alone with your new fiance??

Like you said, have a chat with him about it. You may just end up needing to be the one who initiates/organises it which isn’t terrible. I did with my FI’s family and at the end of the day it didn’t matter who organised it, we still had a lovely time celebrating!

Post # 8
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

exoticchic:  Whaaa…? Why does everyone need to get together? I don’t get it. Not even a little bit. 

Post # 9
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

Why don’t you invite them to come and see you and your family?  Maybe it just hasn’t occured to them that you want them to come – some people are oblivious to hints.  

Post # 10
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

It’s one thing to want to have a nice dinner out, or have an engagement party one evening (even then I think people usually have more notice than 1 week before they have the event), but you want them to come down for a couple of days to celebrate your engagement?  And this is while he’s preparing to move? 

I’ll be happy to send a card, give a call, bring a small present to an engagement party where i”ve had adequate notice – sure,  but I’m not up for going somewhere for a couple of days to celebrate anyone’s engagement within my family.  I guess that makes me a scrooge.

Since it doesn’t seem to be happening, it must be more than they’re willing to do as well.  Sounds like it may be time for you and he to have a discussion and find that compromise.

Post # 11
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

I think you’re focusing on what is missing.. rather than soaking in the fact that you two just got recently engaged! Give it some time.

Moving into a new place IS stressful.

Also, communicate WHEN (i.e. specific date) you expect the gathering of two families when you say the word “SOON”.

Easy — get your family to host it and it could be a fun and casual family gathering. Once you’ve got a date, everything else will fall into place.

Post # 12
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

I kindof agree with the above PP.

what reason do you want all of the family to come down now? Assuming they can come at any time, why now? do you feel like maybe you are longing for some type of for lack of better words, compensation, or just for them to acknowledge you and welcome you? You mentioned always spending time with them so I am confused as to why its so important they come down now. Do you have any doubts regarding their feelings toward you? or do you just want your family to spend some time with his now that you two are becoming a new “family”? Or are you just pissed at your FI that you didnt get the proposal you wanted with all of your family there? or am I completely off??

Im sure everyone is happy you all are engaged, whether or not they immediately come to spend time or not, it doesnt take away from the fact that you are engaged and presumably they are happy. Dont take it personally & it isnt a slight towards you that they went to a pageant. 

exoticchic:  

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Not sure if the families have ever met before, but it’s true that it’s customary  for families to try to meet  after an engagement.  Of course that’s not always immediately possible or possible  at all.   Generally, one family or  set of parents extends the invitation to the other.  Traditionally, it was the groom’s parents who called the bride’s.  Today either side, or the couple themselves can initiate.

But in this case if you have made it clear that you  think this should be on your parents’ home turf, his folks  may be waiting for a specific invitation from yours.  I agree that a get together is a very nice thing to do. 

Post # 14
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

exoticchic:  I think you need to step back and look at this for what it is. You just got engaged. You have plenty of time for your families to meet. Are you from a culture where it is normal for both families to immediately celebrate an engagement? Honestly, most people don’t have big get togethers with both families just days after the proposal. I agree with PP. Sit your FI down and nail down a date/time when both families can meet and get together. 

I just hope you aren’t going into this expecting everyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are. If you are getting yourself that worked about this, wedding planning is going to be a lot of drama for you.

Post # 15
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

exoticchic:  or maybe they preferred to go to the pagent? Who knows? But I think it is time for the cliche line of nobody cares as much about your engagement, wedding, baby’s birth or other life event as you do. And they are not obligated to. Have all the expectations that you want but you need to realise that they are your expectations not anyone elses. Sometimes we are the ones that need to change what we expect out of a situation not the other people.

 

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