(Closed) engaged but he wants to live together first

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am not in a similar boat but I highly recommend living together first. Actually, I personally think its a must. Even for people who see each other everyday-but especially in a LDR. I guess I’m on his side on this one. I just think you learn so much about each other. I used to practically live at DH’s before we moved in together, but actually living together was a lot different. A real eye-opener and a great test to what the rest of your life will be like. GL.

Post # 5
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Hmm. Well if you both are planning on living together before anyways (as stated in your second post) then it isn’t a huge deal. Do you think maybe you’re reading too much into it? Maybe he really just wants to live with you for a few months, get the hang of it, and then plan the wedding?

I would have a discussion about it. A very frank one. Honestly, i’d start a bit like this: “So when I move in, are we going to start planning our wedding or do you think we should live together for a few months and then set a date?” <– That way you can actually adjust to living together WITHOUT the wedding stress bs that later comes. That to me isn’t a good test of a relationship because I think we all can get a little nutty when wedding planning, so having those few months to JUST adjust would actually be great! 🙂 

Just be frank. See if you’re on the same page/could be on the same page, and then move forward. If he is making you feel like it’s conditional in some way that I have misinterpreted then I’d address that as well. But it does sound like maybe he just doesn’t know how to just spill it and say, “I think we should live together a bit before planning something that can be stressful.”

Good luck!

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