Post # 1
Yes I’m a little confused. Technically we are engaged, the full shabang, proposal with diamond ring, but he’s been very silent about wedding ideas, arrangements and dates, so we talked about it and he revealed lightly that he’d rather we’d live together first.
Before he actually proposed I had sensed that he wanted to live together first. However, once he proposed a month ago i thought that he’d made his mind up. Having said that, we’ve been in Long Distance Relationship of 8000 miles for 1year 5months and his divorce is not final, thus i can see why he’s suggesting to live together first, but it’s still puzzling and i’m not sure where I really stand. Or he could say simply in a year, but not even a date is he thinking. I mean there’s an engagement ring on my finger but it seems conditional, not a great feeling.
I know he gave me the ring to show me he’s committed and with the distance its a zillion times more challenging, but it’s still mixed messages as he did say “would you marry me?”. I mean perhaps a promise ring was more appropiate then. I feel quite let down…Could it be regrets, doubts, cold feet?
How to handle this kind bees? Anyone in similar boats?!
Post # 3
I am not in a similar boat but I highly recommend living together first. Actually, I personally think its a must. Even for people who see each other everyday-but especially in a LDR. I guess I’m on his side on this one. I just think you learn so much about each other. I used to practically live at DH’s before we moved in together, but actually living together was a lot different. A real eye-opener and a great test to what the rest of your life will be like. GL.
Post # 4
I absolutely agree that couples should live together. Meaning its planned that we will live together before the wedding, that’s in the books anyway, in 3 months ill be moving to his country. That’s fine. I think it’s good cos you learn HOW to make it work, but once you’re engaged it’s not supposed to be about IF you want to make it work. You’ve decided that yes you do.
Thus My issue is and what got me confused , is whether we’d be planning a wedding during that time or whether he’s going to be evaluating whether hes made the right decision. Is it a conditional engagement? theres a big difference there and he’s being unclear. Perhaps cos he doesn’t know or is afraid to say. I guess for me I was moving into wedding panning and I see now that he’s not there yet. It’s upsetting but such is life, it’s give and take right?!
Post # 5
Hmm. Well if you both are planning on living together before anyways (as stated in your second post) then it isn’t a huge deal. Do you think maybe you’re reading too much into it? Maybe he really just wants to live with you for a few months, get the hang of it, and then plan the wedding?
I would have a discussion about it. A very frank one. Honestly, i’d start a bit like this: “So when I move in, are we going to start planning our wedding or do you think we should live together for a few months and then set a date?” <– That way you can actually adjust to living together WITHOUT the wedding stress bs that later comes. That to me isn’t a good test of a relationship because I think we all can get a little nutty when wedding planning, so having those few months to JUST adjust would actually be great! 🙂
Just be frank. See if you’re on the same page/could be on the same page, and then move forward. If he is making you feel like it’s conditional in some way that I have misinterpreted then I’d address that as well. But it does sound like maybe he just doesn’t know how to just spill it and say, “I think we should live together a bit before planning something that can be stressful.”