Post # 1
FI asked me to marry him on New Year’s Eve. We had hoped to marry in September. We have since learned out that I need an annulment. (For Catholic Bees, we had realized that we’d need one, but had thought we could obtain one due to lack of canonical form…but found out that there actually HAD been a dispensation, so we need a full-blown annulment. But I digress…)
Anyway, we’ve been advised the annulment will take at least another six months, up to a year (we are already in the process). My problem is that the first question we are asked when someone finds out we are engaged is, “So, when’s the wedding?”
I have no idea how to answer that question. I really do not want to have to explain about the annulment to everyone who asks that question, because it inevitably leads to either a lot more questions or a dismissive, “Why don’t you just go to a justice of the peace?” I’ve tried, “We don’t really know yet, we aren’t in any hurry,” but that gets some odd looks and remarks too.
Are there other engaged Bees who haven’t yet set a date? How are you answering that question? And why (just between us Bees) do you not have a date yet? I really would like a short, noncommittal answer, but can’t think of anything.
Post # 3
I’m sorry that you’re in such a sticky situation, both with the annulment and answering so many uncomfortable questions!
Have you thought about setting a far off date just to have one that’s realistic? You can always move it up but that way, you will actually have one (if that’s what you want). Why not set one for 2011 because if it does take a year, that makes more sense.
You can always tell people that you’re both really busy and going through some big transititions and need to make sure you pick a date that’s perfect and works for yall. Never feel bad that you don’t have one and don’t think that you owe anyone an explanation. If you want a date because you want one, set it for at least a year out and go from there. If you aren’t ready because you want to see how this whole process goes, dont feel bad.
This is about you and your FI, not pleasing anyone else. *hugs*
Post # 4
I kind of know how you feel. FI and I got engaged last October, and people were asking us from day 1 what our wedding date was! I remember thinking “Really? He just proposed 6 hours ago, and you want to know when and where?” After that, we didn’t actually set a date until March of this year (late last month). People kept asking for a date, and we’d give a variety of answers. Sometimes, we’d explain the reason we were waiting (I wanted to hear where I’d be going to grad school first). Other times, we’d give something noncommital that gave a general timeline- e.g. “We’re getting married sometime in Summer 2011 or 2012.”
I would suggest the vague timeline- give a season and a year and say you’re still looking into it. If people ask why you’re waiting, say that you want to give yourself plenty of time to plan and enjoy the engagement- since you don’t plan on being engaged again. If people want more details, blow them off or say “Why do you ask?”, since it’s none of their business.
Post # 5
I am in a very similar position. FI and I got engaged on Christmas Eve and we do not yet have a date set because we are waiting on FI’s annulment.
I do think that people just ask cause they want to sound interested. I was surprised that people asked us right away Christmas Eve, heck the engagement hadn’t even sunk in yet!
I usually just give a quick answer of “oh, we don’t know yet” or “I don’t know we are still looking into things” or “we are thinking Feb 2011, but we don’t have everything worked out yet.”
Post # 6
I’m kind of late to this thread, but I understand your frustration … it is really hard to explain to non-Catholics (or even some Catholics, for that matter) why you need to wait to make plans. DH was divorced when I met him and although we knew we wanted to get married pretty much immediately, we also knew the annulment process had to be gotten through first. We decided not to even get engaged until he had the decree of nullity (it took over a year and a half – NEVER pray for patience, you will be given more and more things to be patient about). Even so, we had people who didn’t understand the annulment issue wondering why we were waiting to get engaged! Of course as soon as he got the decree he proposed, and we set a date and got to work on it immediately. We were engaged just over five months. And then we had people asking what was our hurry? You can’t win. 🙂
Sorry, no words of wisdom for what to tell people … just commiserating!
Post # 7
Me! Me! Me! I mean we have a tentative sort-a date lol But until we go to cancun this summer to check out some places to have the wedding, we havent picked a date yet. We are just gonna work around whatever venue we want the most.
I just tell people tha I am enjoying being engaged right now and I will think about planning after my BFF wedding in October. I get asked a lot because I work at a restaurant and a lot of our “regulars” feel like they know us!
Post # 8
I got engaged last month. We’ve set a month (June 2011), but not a solid date. We’re doing a destination wedding in Florida and our date will depend on when venues are available. You don’t need to give people an exact date when they ask, just give them an estimate (“June 2011” or “summer 2011”, etc.).
Post # 9
What you could always do is saying something along the lines of we are still deciding, or it is going to be a longer engagement, something like that. You don’t have to go into why you are having to wait, just explain that you don’t have the date set yet but it is in the works. I think that a realistic “farway” wedding date is a good option, and you can always move it up when the annulment has happened and when you think you might be able to get married. You could set it for a year and a half away if it takes up for a year for the annulment to take place. So if from December to December will be a year, you could have it in spring of that following year if you are wanting to really be married after that, or make it for the season of your choosing. I am sure that everything will turn out just fine!
Post # 10
I hear ya on that! We’ve been engaged since Feb. 8, 2008. With no date-setting in mind. And yes, I get weird looks A LOT. Especially since neither Mr.TKE or I are in a hurry to get married. lol
Post # 11
Before we set a date I always answered back “I don’t know, when did you get married maybe we will use your date!” or “We are still so excitied to be engaged that we want to enjoy this fully before we start planning our wedding and marriage.” I don’t know why a date has to be set so fast, it seems like people expect you to have half the wedding figured out before the question gets popped! Good luck and oh I found that if I stopped answering the questions and asked off topic questions the conversation would redicrect itself.