Engaged but no planning yet

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My FI and I got engaged two years ago and we had to put off our wedding twice due to financial reasons. It was really hard on me because every time it happened, I felt like it was because he was having second thoughts. This was never the case, but it felt that way none the less. I ended up very depressed (I suffer with depression anyway, this just made it worse.) Finally I put my foot down, I didn’t care about the wedding or the party, I just wanted to be married. We decided that no matter what we would be married by next year. Thankfully our finances turned around and we are able to afford a wedding we are both happy with and we will be getting married next year.

All I can say is, hang in there! If you feel comfortable, set a date and stick to it. No matter what the finances end up being, you will have the wedding you can afford (whether that’s 350 people and a huge party or a JOP services with family and close friends) and don’t look back. Hopefully things will work out for you and you get exactly what you want!

Post # 4
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

scurll:  You don’t need to spend a ton of money to get married. Have the wedding you can afford. Figure out what that amount is and find a way to make it happen.

Post # 5
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm. Weddings, by no means, have to be expensive. Eloping is a very affordable and romantic option. The only reason we didn’t elope is because we both have a lot of close family members. But…if you’re trying to choose, definitely put your own happiness before that of your guests. It’s your life! A wedding takes one day. The rest of your lives, pregnancy, etc, you will have plenty of time to include all kinds of people if you want. Marriage is personal. Make it personal and screw all the rest. Might be a little blunt, but yeah.

Post # 6
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

My parents did a very cheap backyard wedding and that’s what I’m going to do too. They rented an arch, the backdrop in their photos was my mom’s beautiful flower beds, and my mom’s dress was off-the-rack with minimal alterations if any. My cousin got married about 5 years ago at an orchard, and she baked her own wedding cake, used an ipod for music and put out coolers of snacks and pop between the ceremony and reception. It wasn’t a massive event, but it was in no way lacking. It was extremely charming, actually, I really liked it. She used salad dressing from Walmart on the buffet salad. 

Weddings don’t have to be ridiculous to be great.

This website can get you REALLY wrapped up in chair covers and coordinated sashes and charger plates and concern you over the dumbest little details.

You can get dresses for a great deal, look secondhand. I saw an $1800 dress today on Kijiji (Canadian Craigslist) for $250, and the seller may have been willing to go down even more!  Have your wedding in a backyard or park and cut venue costs, and see if you can cut a deal with a local community room, school gym or hall for your reception venue. They usually already have tables and chairs stored somewhere too, and would probably let you use them!

Food doesn’t even have to be that expensive either. The cousin I mentioned did most of the side dishes herself, and whatever she worked out for the main dishes was likely only a small cost as the orchard that did her wedding has a cafe where they serve hot foods anyway. She also did a lot of simple decorating and I’m sure she picked up a lot of her supplies at the dollar store. Her table numbers were simple card holders with numbers printed on nice paper in them. You don’t need fancy-pants stuff. Nobody cares that much.

This website (and any site or magazine that is wedding-centered) emphasises the extravagant and the nitpicky, you must remember that. Small and simple is fine. 

Post # 7
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

scurll:  We also have no financial support from our families, in fact we have to help them sometimes. We cannot afford a traditional wedding and we’re not interested in waiting until we can (honestly, if we could I would probably want to spend the money on other things anyway). So, you know what? We’re not having a traditional wedding, we’re getting married at FI’s parents house with just our immediate families in attendance. A lot of people do small inexpensive weddings. If you don’t want to wait to get married, do something small that you can afford. If you have to have a big wedding, then suck it up and wait, you’re not the first person in the world whose family didn’t pay for their wedding. Honestly, I can understand where your FI is coming from, having a big wedding is extremely expensive for what is really just one big party. It is hard to justify parting with hard earned money that could be used to pay debts, fund retirement, etc., for something that he may not view as being as important. 

Post # 13
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

scurll:  September 2015 is not that far away! You could pick an October or November date after he is done. Also, maybe get together with some of the people you work with after hours? Even if it’s just to get some new people in your social circle. I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’re totally NOT alone! Between money, accidents, and family tragedies, it’s been over a year since we’ve told everyone that we plan to get married. Ring and dress are the only things we have so far. And a vague idea of a venue that I like, but don’t know how I’d be able to afford.

Latest setback is that I wanted to just get eloped with only our parents as witnesses when we visited them for Christmas, but sadly it’s too close to a family funeral on FH’s side. Now I feel like I need to wait a couple of months after that, since my FMIL might not be up for getting back to wedding talk so soon after that.

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