Weddingbee boards

I won't say what I think but I'm wondering what you all think. And this is for an engagement where there WILL be a ring (not counting couples who are anti-ring). Pretend it's your family member or friend and let me know how you'd react...

The engagement is the commitment to get married and set a date on it. I was engaged 3 days before we went to buy a ring and it was official - the ring just made my finger prettier.

What about ladies that don't WANT a ring at all? They just go from dating to married?

:)

LOL yea I think someone who doesn't want a ring is a totally different story. This is more like "we're engaged but he hasn't bought the ring yet" type thing.

I don't know...the symbol of the ring is pretty significant in my mind.  It doesn't need to be diamond, or expensive---but SOMETHING tangible to represent the commitment is pretty important IMO.

In my eyes, all the bees in the "waiting" that have agreed with their FI that they'll get married and are starting to plan a wedding are engaged. The commitment is there, the ring is a detail.

sometimes people can't afford a ring right away but they want to make the next move.

or sometimes, the guys know that they would SUCK at picking out a ring, as was the case for my brother in law haha. Several guys shouldn't and won't be trusted with getting a ring, I had to hint at the kind of ring I wanted to my fi, just in case.. 

I would definitely say it's legitimate. 

I like how mSmartins put it "You dont NEED a birthday gift to prove its your bday just like you dont NEED an engagement ring to prove you're engaged."

I was engaged for about three months before we had a ring. I suppose it would have made it more "real", but I also didn't get a big proposal either :-P I was just as engaged before the ring as after the ring.

A ring (or any other pretty bauble) is of course NOT necessary and this does NOT include couples who don't plan on getting a ring but I would take it a little less seriously in most instances. 

Of course, I'm also thinking in extremes like my cousin who got engaged in hmmm... 2003? 2004? sans ring and hasn't gotten married yet.  There are a lot of individual circumstances (family doesn't love the guy, etc.) but I don't consider her as engaged as say my friends who just got engaged (with a ring) this winter and are getting married next fall.  Ok, so maybe the ring doesn't really have anything to do with it at all.  I retract my vote a little bit.  :-)

Funny how the vast majority of posters think that it's completely legit without a ring, but votes do not reflect that. I'd be curious for the rationale of those who voted that it's semi-legit but not too serious (majority of votes)?

I'll put it out there since you asked... to me, it's semi-legit. This recently popped up for a family member of DH's and we were all a little... mmmm. DH and I knew we'd be getting married but waited for him to save up and bought a house, etc. We waited til it felt RIGHT for us. Now who is to say if it just felt RIGHT for this person we're talking about? Perhaps it did. I consider it semi-legit for that reason, and since I think half of it is just putting it out there that you're committing to each other forever. HOWEVER, I think that's a private committment and a ring is a symbol of it. If you are GOING to get a ring, I think you're not engaged til you have one. I wouldn't have considered myself engaged without it. It meant a lot that he saved up and we did a lot of reasearch. I think there are plenty of inexpensive yet beautiful promise rings (mine was about $200 and DH got it for me a year before proposing) that you could use as a stand-in ring until picking out another ring. If you're like "We're engaged but he's saving up for the ring" my first gut reaction is... well then why are you engaged NOW? and not when you get it? But I think it's different for every couple, and I'm not going to NOT acknowledge it.

I guess a ring is a big purchase that signifies an investment in that person. To Me. IMHO.

DH also made a good point... he liked that the ring told people "I'M TAKEN!"

Well put and your point of view is interesting.
I just have a completely different opinions on rings though. I wouldn't have wanted DH to save up to buy a ring for me, for many reasons. Now this is very personal and I know not many share my opinion, but it's just me.

1) I wouldn't feel safe walking around with something expensive on my finger
2) I am very, very active, and will never, ever take my rings off, so they will probably scratch - I don't want to feel bad about scratching something expensive
3) the very active lifestyles makes me look for rings that are flat and won't scratch my baby's face, or get stuck somewhere
4) I'd rather take all the money and travel together or put it on the house or another project that we may have together.
5) big rings do not look good on my fingers. at all. I needed something very delicate, and luckily for me, it was less expensive that way

So, while I get the argument that the time and effort that a man takes to save for a ring shows that he is really committed and takes the engagement seriously. But I think building a life and a future together in a very concrete way is more meaninful of a "legit" engagement.

I guess it really depends on every couple as well... Some you believe in the engagement w/o ring, and others, you don't.

Completely second you Rainbow. I would rather have used my promise ring as an e-ring (or even just a silver band) than have no ring.

First, who the heck am I to think an engagement is legit or not? That said, honestly, who the couple was would totally factor into my thinking. If they were 19, I would probably just think it was sweet and figure they are going to have a long engagement. No less "legit," but I wouldn't be asking about china patterns. If they are older and less traditional or same sex, it wouldn't give me a moment of pause. I honestly wasn't sure I wanted an engagement ring, so if a peer of mine came to the conclusion not to get one, I would totally think that is fine. Third option, if I already thought the dude was a scum bag and the girl was letting him walk all over her, I would assume he was just leading her on.

So, I think those are the assumptions I would make. Legit or not or whatever, I would just keep my trap shut and think my private thoughts.

EDIT: reading over other posts, there are also a myriad other situations not covered by my examples. Basically, there are plenty of situations where I wouldn't even bat an eye at no ring, and a couple where I would make some assumptions, honestly. But a ring really wouldn't impact the assumptions. A ring with engagement doesn't make the scummy guy any less scummy, for example.

Ugh... most of why I didn't want to share my opinion... people being SO OFFENDED that people think it's somehwat less legit... well I'm SO OFFENDED that people have incinuated that it makes me materialistic. I think it's a wonderful tradition and symbol. Like I said, I would have been happy to have just a plain band or even a fake something from a dept. store. We chose to save for a ring since we were able to. It's something I'll treasure for my whole life. But if we hadn't had the money to save I wouldn't have minded doing something in our budget. Him putting that ring on my finger while proposing was something I've dreamed of my whole life. Dreaming of HIM, not the size of the rock.

@Nati-Lyte: Violence can be anywhere. I happen to work in a safe place now, but I was a social worker working in the employment field with people who had no money at all, and tempers so bad that as soon as you learn you're preggers, they put you on "preventive leave" to protect your baby. They wouldn't let us work pregnent in case a client would throw a fit in your office and decide to hit you. I was doing that job, plus it was in a neighbourhood where I could see hard drugs being dealt and used from my office window, and prostitutes who worked during lunch hour...

So, Ottawa is a very calm city, but you can find anything, anywhere. I was robbed in my car at 2 occasions, and in my office at least once.

But walking around with thousands of dollars on my finger, I don't feel comfortable in case I broke it or lost it or got it stolen; or the attention...