Engaged but not happy

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My only suggestion would be counseling to help you sort out whether you want to save the relationship or get support in ending it in the least hurtful way possible.

I certainly wouldn’t be doing any wedding planning right now if I were you.

Post # 4
8667 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Sunny777:  I’m sorry you are feeling this way, it’s really not your fault! You had already convinced yourself that he was no good so it’s hard to get back to where you were. Did he WANT to get married? I’m sure you feel guilty about forcing him. He didn’t have to propose, that was his choice. I worry sometimes about what my SO thinks and how much money he makes too and I’m already married. You need to start from the beginning and remember why you stuck around as long as you did and why you love him. He can take care of you and love you but that’s not enough for a good solid marriage. None if those other things should matter if you are truly in love with each other. I think it will be okay. Take it day by day.. Take a trip together, initiate date nights, take about your successful future! ((Hugs))

Post # 5
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I definitely think your actions are starting to drive him away. From what you’ve said here, he KNOWS you’re unhappy. I would strongly suggest you mentally take a step back and contemplate if the grass would be greener on the other side – because it’s not always. 

I kinda went through the same thing – it was time to sh!t or get off the pot, and once he proposed I wasn’t that picturesque blissful bride at all – like, oh crap I gotta spend the rest of my life with you now? And everything he did bugged me. When taking that step back, I started to remember all those reasons why I was with him in the first place. I can never imagine myself with anyone else, because they truly dont compare. Maybe it’s your hormones, maybe it’s just a phase you’re going through – hey, it happens. Genuinely contemplate EVERYTHING before deciding. 

Post # 6
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I’d try therapy, but honestly, the fact that you were mentally checked out of the relationship and feeling POSITIVE about that…  it makes me think you are ready to move on.

Post # 7
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He proposed on your walk date.  Do you think he would’ve proposed if you hadn’t given him a walk date?  Sounds like you were checked out of this relationship before your imposed walk date. 

Do you think you feel this way because you gave him a walk date and were preparing for the worst?  I wonder if you’d feel this way if you hadn’t given him a walk date? 


Post # 8
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Sunny777:  Have you considered the possibility that you might just be depressed? Have you thought about talking to a counselor? It might be that you are taking out your unhappiness on your fiance when the issue doesn’t even come from your relationship. 

I would postpone the wedding and try to see a therapist one-on-one, and a premarriage counselor for both of you two.

Good luck, I’m sorry that you aren’t enjoying what should be a very happy time 🙁

Post # 10
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sauerdragon:  This x100


When I was suffering from depression, I felt like this quite a bit about my fiance. I considered leaving over and over again, until I realised the problem was with me, how I felt. I was pushing away everyone, not just him. A year and a bit on, everything isn’t all perfect and rosey, I still get low and it can sometimes impact on us, but things are so much better than they were.

I’m absolutely not trying to push my experiences onto you, but it is something to consider. How do you feel about work, family, friends, your home, social life, health etc?

Post # 13
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009 - Mountain Meadow/Mansion

I’m glad to hear you are considering therapy. It sounds like it will be beneficial for you to get to the root of your unhappiness and make a decision about your next steps. It’s possible, as PPs have mentioned, that either you or FI are depressed, but you won’t know until you check it out. FWIW, when I’m really down, I try to remember that in a given period of time ( a week, month or year from now) everything will likely be different. Good luck!

Post # 14
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sauerdragon:  +100

Definitely get some alone counseling. They can help you figure out if you’re done with the relationship or if you’re just having a touch time psychologically (like depression).

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