- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Hi Bee’s. 🙂 I have been a regular visitor to this site since my engagement in October and think I could get some good advice from everyone, I really need it! So, my fiance and I had been dating since we were 18, now 28. It took him many years to propose, and throughout all of our years of dating, many events took place that now have me super nervous about going through with the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I love my fiance, I just don’t know if he is the one the way that he is now.
For example: after two years of dating I found out he was staying up late at nights to have sexual conversations online with other women. In fact, he would pleasure himself and leave the mess all over his bedroom floor and then blame it on a brother. (gross…I know). I kind of let it go, until I saw the behavior was continuing. This has been a battle for years now. a Year later he would stay at work late to “work,” turns out he left his e-mail open one day and I saw all that was going on “late night” at work. He was having explicit conversations with woman he met on yet another swingers dating website. All throughout the day they had been exchanging e-mails yet I never got any “hey how are you” phone calls at all. (What ever happened to sending sexy photos bw each other also? I like to do that, I’m no prude!) I threatened to break up, but in the end he apologized again and I thought it was over. A YEAR LATER, I found out he had just changed locations of talking to these ladies, and that he wasalso interested in she-male porn. I said goodbye, but being so in love a few days later I took him back.
All the while, these issues werent the only. His friends had been getting married, having 3 day bachelor parties in countries known for prostitution, and unfortunately I had happened upon an e-mail they were sending back and forth about having female “visitors” at the house and to being bag locks etc. The guys are all strip club fiends, and obviously were looking for more than regular fun on these trips. I have always been a bit convervative with bachelor parties. I normally however would be understanding and fine, but after all the infidelities and lies in the past, I had a hard time being comfortable with such trip. He went anyway and I spent days sick to my stomach knowing what they were getting into.
Forward to now, he finally proposes, and has gotten smarter with his internet behavior, I cant spend my whole life looking for stuff. Unfortunately, when we moved recently I realized taht every night while I was cooking, he was with his back turned to me on the laptop looking at porn. Even while I was studying for the Bar Exam, the night before, thats what he was doing! Its since been about 5 months, I havent been looking for anything… it’s too time consuming. I do have serious trust issues at this point. And although I love him, I have to wonder how much he really loves me. As if the porn and strippers isnt enough, hes a workaholic, hes great at what he does, but he works 6 days a week and to get to do anything with him is a struggle. I cook, I clean, and I make any sort of fun plan we ever do bc if it was up to him we would sit at home on the computer in an internet daze all day on sunday. I like to run, kayak, go to the beach, play sports, garden, anything really, and hes just not into anything besides work and football (and if friends have plans, we always tag along like dingle berries bc spending time together I guess isnt as fun…). If a friend invites him to gold on a sunday he would go, leaving me to wonder why its never so easy for me, and I get a little annoyed bc I will have been asking to do things for months and nothing, but when someone else asks its an automatic. (EX; I love the beach, how cute is it to go togther and spend time half naked in the sun? Well in the ten years weve been together weve been not even a handful of times together, how sad!) And when I ask for help around the house I get totally ignored. Im exhausted here. I dont know what to do.
Ladies, what do I do? I do love him, but I don’t know if marriage is the right move. Am I crazy in love? Do I need to put my big girl pants on and walk away? He is a great guy, just maybe not a great boyfriend/fiance/husband. I have set a date for the wedding and now I’m really stressed. I had asked for us to go to counseling, of course we haven’t gone…not a priority for him. HELP HELP please give me advice 🙁 Half of me is scared to lose him and the other half is sending me a warning.