Post # 1
Hello Bees!! Ok, I need advice!!! I am marrying my hubby to be in December 09. We just moved down to a new state. Well actually, I moved down about 3-4 months ago and have been living with my parents. He was planning on moving down when he got a new job down here. However, he was laid off. So now we are looking for a place to live. We have been looking for two – three months. Time is running out; living with my rents is horrible (for many reasons that don’t need to be discussed). Anyway, we have been looking for places to rent for us and for us with another engaged couple who are getting married in summer 2010.
So we finally found two places – a place for us and a place for the couples. It seems that everyone wants to live together in the place we found, except me. I’m on the fence. The property managment company won’t do anything besides a one year lease. This means, that we will be living with another couple when we are married for about 5 -6 months. We have discussed having a couple leave after 6 months and having th eother one take over the lease. However, I can’t count on that. What if my fiance & I can’t afford it, because he can’t find a good job. OR her & her fiance can’t afford it either. I’m just so afraid of living with another couple when we are MARRIED. I’m afraid that it will feel like we aren’t married. I hear that so many people get divorced b/c after the wedding they just go back to the way things were and it doesn’t feel like they got married, so they don’t take it seriously. At least that is what the church says. Alos, I haven’t lived with anyone else since college – its been 4 years. What If I’m horrible at being a roommate haha?
Of course, I’m only focusing on the negative things. There are positive things – such as our rent share would be SO cheap. As a couple we would save about 500-600 dollars a month. And money is tight. I have TONS of loans from college & professional school. He has no job. Plus, I would have more wedding planning support, which could be fun! And, she will definately motivate me to work out. I have been so miserable at my parents house that I don’t work out & all I do is spend every minute looking for a home. (thats a totally unrelated issue though!)
Has anyone lived with another couple? Before engagement, during engagement, or after you are married?
Sorry about the long post!!!!!!
Post # 3
We did not live with another couple but my soon to be BIL. When there was a chance he would be living with us after the wedding in our new house I couldn’t help but be disappointed. I didn’t say anything though since he was family but in the end he did not move in and I am so happy. The time after you get married is really special and I am glad it was just the two of us. Everyone is different but trust your instincts and be honest with the others about them.
Post # 4
I know of two couples who because of work/school are living in seperate cities from one another for their entire first year of marriage… We’re also currently living with FI’s parents (after living alone together for almost 2 years) – it’s not easy, but it certainly makes upcoming financial burdens (wedding & house) a lot easier to swallow!
I say if money is so much a factor for you and this other couple, what is 6 months compared to the rest of your lives? Just make sure the place you find allows for plenty of privacy – and budget on taking a weekend or two away during your time with housemates.
Post # 5
I’m trying to not do my "icky, icky, no don’t do it" dance.
MY Fi and i have live together for 6 years. 4 of those years were spent living with house mates. those are 4 years of our relationship i wish i could get back. It’s one thign to move in wiht your buddy and be your own person, but when your moving in wiht your partner your doing so wiht the intention of building your life together. Thats really hard to do when youve got people out of your control who dont share the same priorities as you. Its one thing to try to get your FI to share the burden of doing the dishes and taking out the trash, its another thing to wrangle him and two other people. this is beyond college roomates, this is Extreem playing house. theres bills to share, grocerys, cooking, chores, noise, space.
I am trying to scare you a littel , becasue believe me i know that rent discount sounds so good. but twice i had roomates bail out on me. sticking me with months left on a lease i couldnt afford and there was no legal action that i could( again afford) to take. and landlords dont care. and one of those roommates was suposed to be my best friend.
Really think about this. look a litle more for a smaller place just for you. if you need to move in with your friends Just be prepared for it. I’ve never seen anyhtign kill a friendship faster than living together.
Post # 6
I had a different experience from SansSerif. FI and I lived with two friends (one male, one female, not a couple) for a year. I (along with the two roommates) was in college, FI had graduated. It was fine for us. A little more difficult, since you had to line up 4 people’s cleaning styles and schedules, but it worked out and the four of us are still great friends. Basically, if you can live with them, do it for 6 months, then reassess. Maybe you can cancel early, or the complex will let you split and transfer your lease (i.e. stay in the same complex, but in different apartments). Maybe they could buy you out, or vice versa. I’d just say that it’s not always bad.
Post # 7
We lived with a couple during our engagement. Long story but my best friend moved in with us and then she got pregnant. Her baby daddy moved in with us along with his two dogs. So in 1200 square feet, two bedrooms, one bathroom we had four people and three dogs! We had a BLAST! It was tons of fun, everyones schedule was hectic so it was rare that we were all there together all the time so it gave us some breaks. We did lots of stuff together when we were home like cooking and traveling. It was tough and frustrating at times because baby daddy was not very clean and one of the dogs is a giant yellow lab (the hair was EVERYWHERE) but all in all it was a great experience, we all saved money and we made some great memories. Six months was a fair amount of time and we all walked away still the best of friends.
In your situation I would say that at least the one year lease gives you a time limit on the situation and with funds being so tight it might be the best option for all parties and you can suck up anything for a year until you can move out on your own. I think have a pow-wow to set some basic housekeeping rules that all can agree on can be good. Also, living together doesn’t confine you to the apartment, there are ways to find time for you and your FH to have some time alone:)
Best of Luck!
Post # 8
We live with a non couple (guy and a girl) right now and I have mixed feelings on it. The thing is, they are awesome, and some of the best friends we have.
Some times I wish we could be on our own for privacy reasons, but in the end, I am excited that even though we live together, we haven’t really set up shop. When we are married we will still get that first time living one on one experience.
You said that you would have to share the place once married possibly, and that seems ify to me, but in the meantime I say do it. We love having BBQs and late nights with the roomies now, and we love the idea of living alone post vows.
Post # 9
Before my husband and I were married, he lived with an engaged couple and it was a pretty horrible experience from both ends. The couple loved the money they saved on rent but resented him for intruding on their privacy and they felt like they couldn’t really nest and make the place truly their own. My husband hated feeling like an intruder in his own home. After he moved out, the roommate raved about how him and his fiancee never fought anymore and life was great. That’s how we knew he wasn’t being paranoid when he felt like the fiancee totally despised him and his presence within "their" apartment.
I would never consider living with other people as a married couple. It’s too much like college dorm life for me, which is great fun for awhile but married life should present a more mature stage in your life.
Post # 10
My guy and I lived with another couple for a while. Both of us couples were working toward buying our homes and figured living together and sharing expenses would be great. It wound up being a disaster. This is not to say that your situation may not be wonderful, I’m just asking that you be extremely cautious and protect yourselves!
Make sure that everything is in writing. Don’t buy anything for the "community" without documenting clearly that it is "community" property. And define the parameters early – if it’s for everyone but you bought it and weren’t recompensed make it clear that when you move it’s yours. Also define very clearly public and private spaces.
Are you going to feel violated if your roommates enter your bedroom? Are you going to have to label your food to make sure your groceries last the week? Is one person going to feel taken advantage of when it comes to cooking/cleaning/repairs? How will you deal with these situations if they arise?
And please, please, please take dated pictures of the entire house before you move in – you don’t want to be held responsible for damages that you did not cause!
Post # 11
Perhaps I’m a bit jaded: I have had 35 roommates since entering college and becoming a young professional. I have worked as a housing counselor, where my job was to facilitate roommates living together and helping them have a happier living environment. When my FI and I first became engaged, we had roommates, and it was just no fun. Now, my FI and I are living in an apartment in my parent’s basement just to avoid having to live with roommates again, until we can afford to purchase our own home.
Here’s my advice: if there is ANY way possible for you and your fiance to financially get by without signing a lease with roommates, DON’T DO IT. You will both have wedding-related stress to deal with in the next year. Do you really want to deal with roommate drama too?
Good luck to you, and bless the hearts of all of us who deal with roommates!
Post # 12
Don’t do it! I think your sanity is worth the extra cost involved. I think you will miss out on a lot of important things that happen when the two of you are living together….alone.
Post # 13
I currently have four roommates, two of whom are a couple. They’re not engaged, but I know they will be before long. This is their second year living as a couple with other roommates, and they’re planning to do it again next year.
The reduction in rent is really important to them financially (both are only two years out of college, and he is going back part-time this fall), but I think they may also just not be ready to live alone together yet. Roommates also mean there are more people to contribute to cleaning and bills, and the apartment is much bigger than any they would be able to afford on their own. They’ve said that they really like doing things this way, at least for now. The other roommates are a single guy, a girl with a bf (who spends a lot of time at our place), and me (a girl with a fiancee who spends no time at our place because he lives alone two blocks away and I can just go over there).
I feel very lucky that my FI and I can afford to live by ourselves (as we will be, starting this fall), but if it weren’t financially possible, I would consider roommates. You gotta do what you gotta do.
My only complaint, from the perspective of a person living with a couple, is that I overhear them playing twister now and then, which is disturbing. But hey, everybody does it.
Post # 14
My husband an I spent the fisrt 2 years of our marriage renting half of his friend house, and for the 2nd half of that his fiancee lived with us too. It was a really good experience, and strengthen our friendship. It was probably hardest on them really – I lived at home until marriage, so this was my first time being a roommate, and she had lived in her own house ( she now rents it out) before moving in with three other people. But we all came out of it closer, and it was very helpful in my husbands last year of grad school and writing his dissertation to have the extra support of friends in the same house.
Post # 15
I just wanted to add another voice saying it’s not always bad. I too had a very different experience from SansSerif, where I lived with a close friend of mine, and my fiance (then BF) moved in with us. Then her boyfriend moved in too. It was great fun and we all became good friends. I had actually hoped to stay in a similar situation to that one until we were married, to make marriage feel special, like you said. It wasn’t to be, and now the two of us are loving living on our own together. But we do kind of already feel like newlyweds. I wish we could have saved this awesome experience for after the wedding. I think it is worth it to share expences with another couple until marriage but I agree with you and everyone else that says keeping the roommates past the wedding would be a little weird.
Post # 16
Me and my fiance live with a roomate and we love it! He is his Best Man and good friend of both of us. He is a med student so we never see him either so its a perfect situation. Just make sure that it is a big enough house with enough bedrooms to avoid any possible confiict. I recomend it!