Post # 1
Hello bees –
I’m not even engaged yet, but hopefully it’s coming soon! I would like to know your thoughts on this:
Back story – my SO’s brother got engaged on NYE 2012. His FI is a good friend of mine’s sister, who I’ve known for nearly 15 years. She is like a sister to me.
Because my friend (her sister) is getting married this month, SO’s brother and his FI are getting married in June 2014. They also put it off until next year because her parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, and basically asked her to wait until then.
My friend has been quite the bridezilla lately, so I will give her some slack, but she said to me that since her sister got engaged before I will, that she should get married first, that it’s “her turn”. She is having a big wedding, where SO have already discussed what we want and we either are planning on eloping and having a small celebration when we get back, or just having a very small wedding.
I hate to sound selfish, but I really don’t want to wait a year to get married. I’m certainly not trying to show her up or steal her spotlight and I feel like we can get married pretty much whenever we want, except on her weekend (or maybe that month).
If I am wrong, please tell me so. I don’t want this to cause problems so I’m trying to nip it in the bud. FWIW, SO says we can get married whenever we want to and it doesn’t matter that they got engaged first.
Post # 3
You are under no obligation to get married in the order that you got engaged. If someone already has a date, it is not polite to choose that date (or that weekend). Your friend is being unreasonable.
Post # 4
There are tons of couples that got engaged after us and will marry before us. We’re having a long (22 month) engagement. There are no rules here. Obviously, I would not schedule a wedding 6 weeks before my sister’s (as an example), not so much because she should get married first if engaged first, but because it would make travel a logistical nightmare for our guests/family
Post # 5
Thats like saying “we started dating first so you have to wait for us to be engaged first” totally not how i have seen things go down. i mean you just dont want to picks some thing super close to hers like a week or two before.
* some people obviously think like that though. my husband wanted to wait untill everyone already had theyre wedding before he even asked me cuz he thought he was letting them have their turn..well one of our friends put theirs off (like a year) and he waited still, till they had theirs. That blew. i though lol but it all worked out.
Post # 6
There are no rules for this. Get married when you want to get married! I agree with PP – don’t do it right around the time of the other wedding, as a courtesy to them. However, if you want to get married first – do it! They don’t have a monopoly on weddings. 😉
Post # 7
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Any “Rules of Etiquette” that relate to a “polite timeframe” strictly relate to relatives… so a Sister, Brother, SIL, BIL… and in some instances a 1st Cousin.
The idea being that a lot of the same folks would be attending, paying for items (Travel, Gifts, whatnot) so it is considerate BOTH to the Guests, Family & The Bride to “leave a gap”
The closer the relative (example, Sister / SIL) then the longer the gap. As a MINIUM the Rule of thumb is the one who got Engaged first, chooses their date, and then the other person chooses a “different season”
Everyone else, can get married whenever they choose do so.
If I read your post right, and this is your BFF’s Sister (not a relative), then you owe her NOTHING even if you guys have been close forever… OR even if either of you in each other’s Bridal Party.
Get on with the Wedding Plans.
Hope this helps,
PS… IF I somehow misunderstood the relationships, you can certainly post again and let me know
Post # 8
What a selfish b***h!!! Her not you! I’d say try and avoid it being close, but do it whenever the heck suits you 🙂
Post # 9
I feel like we can get married pretty much whenever we want, except on her weekend (or maybe that month). – I agree with this!!
Post # 10
@This Time Round: From my understanding the groom of the BFF’s sister is SnowInApril’s soon to be FI’s brother which would make this the weddings of sibilings.
Post # 11
@SnowInApril: I would say avoid their wedding month, but other than that she is being ridiculous. We are having a 23 month engagement so many of our friends got engaged after us and married before.
One of my friends is getting married labor day weekend and her MOH insisted that since she and her bf had been dating longer, they needed to get married first. She essentially forced her now FI to propose and set the wedding date 3 weeks before hers (her wedding week, honeymoon, then her BFF’s wedding week where she is MOH). I feel that was a really rude and tacky move, so I would avoid that, but there is no reason to wait longer bc they got engaged first.
Post # 12
@This Time Round: Agreed.
My DH and I got married first followed by my cousin several months later. They rushed their wedding and ended up choosing a date six weeks before ours. It was such a pain for everyone involved and don’t get me started on the unexpected added expenses. However, it never once bothered me that she was getting married first, totally irrelevant.
Considering the relationship you have with this person I would say continue to plan your wedding as you wish. I don’t see how your link to her is at all important when it comes to picking your date.
Post # 13
@SnowInApril: You can get married in whatever order you like! If they’re having a bigger wedding, it makes sense that they have to take more time to plan and save, so if you’re planning elopement or a smaller wedding, you could probably put something together in 3 months! I wouldn’t plan things too, too close together. Allow for enought time for showers and bachelorette parties to be far enough apart, and the wedding of course! but that’s all I would really consider …. it’s not a competition, so they shouldn’t be upset … rather happy that there is so much love in the air!
Post # 14
TO @Eckle: Lol, I’m glad you were able to follow all that… I got lost
But it sounds by your description (if you are right) that it is then Brother & GF, of the soon to be Fiance of @SnowInApril:
In that case, they’d be a Brother and a Future SIL
And in that situation, then yes, it would be appropriate to wait.
And that gap could be up to a year, depending on things like… When is the Wedding, Where is the Wedding, Who is Paying, etc.
More info would make it easier to estimate an appropriate gap, but in the meantime as I said, the minimum should be 3 or 4 months (different season)
Hope this helps,
Post # 15
@SnowInApril: Nope, she’s crazy. FSIL and FBIL got engaged almost 4 months after FI and I did and they were married this March while FI and I are getting married in November. That being said, I held off on doing anything wedding related until after she got married, I wanted her to fully enjoy her time as a bride and there was plenty enough time for me to plan my wedding after hers (I literally started planning the week after her wedding.)
Post # 16
@SnowInApril: I would wait until after. From what I got from your post, it’s your FI’s brother (future sister in law too). this would be putting his side of the family out. I don’t see the big deal in waiting a year as you aren’t even engaged yet.