Post # 1
Plan a wedding, that is. Of course I can marry my fiance and live happily ever after and all that jazz.
We live in a state we don’t really like and would rather not get married here. We’d both love to get married in california, but we don’t have lot of money and we can’t travel often to check out venues and vendors.
How the heck do you even start something this big and complicated? o.o How did you start planning?
Post # 3
We didnt plan for about the first 3 months of our engagement 🙂 It was the best thing we could have done. When people asked we just said “we are just enjoying being engageged for right now.”.
Just relax and enjoy this time. Once you start planning it’s stress city.
Post # 4
I don’t know how old you are, so it depends but basically my fiance and I dated for a longer period of time (3yrs) , and then both moved to california together from new england and got engaged a year after that, when both of us had money and good jobs to be able to afford the wedding costs.
You have your entire lives ahead of you, so my advice is to not rush things or feel like you need to sprint to the altar because you don’t want to be a stressed out, broke bride. That is not a great way to start a marriage.
If you feel you absolutely must be married soon, then you could do a destination wedding in Mexico, packages there are very inexpensive, you can have a nice beach wedding for $2000. Something to think about.
Post # 5
What I did to prepare for the planning – since I had never done it before – is..I grabbed bridal magazines and searched online for a wedding planning ‘timeline.’ I also grabbed a small calendar/planner book that I used strictly for wedding stuff. Depending on when you want your wedding to be, you will need to adjust certain things..but I wrote down everything that needed to be done each month. I didn’t even look ahead because I knew I’d get overwhelmed with what was to come.
Before I even looked at venues, my FH and I came up with our guest list (creating the guest list early allowed us to narrow our venue search simply because of the amount of people each place would allow – the list had to be narrowed down quite a few times, but when we got it to where we wanted it, we began looking at venue options online and asked places to email quotes before we went to look at them. It helped us to narrow it down even further without having to spend so much time looking in person. If it was out of our price range, we asked what changes we could make or we moved on.
Keep in mind that some places are BYO..where you bring in everything yourself – caterer, bartender, rentals, etc. and some places have it all there for you – you just choose what you want.
Thats just the start of it, but for me, it went so smoothly. Don’t be overwhelmed as it’s easy to be! Things will get done! I do suggestlot enjoy being engaged for a bit before you dive head first into planning. I did and I’m so glad I did!
Best of luck to you and your fiance!!
Post # 6
That sounds like the way to go. 🙂 Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about booking a venue, and just enjoy this for right now. I don’t want grey hairs on my wedding day. 🙂
I am 25, my fiance is 23 and we’ve been dating for over 4 years. I’m not in a huge rush to get married, but I followed him to Kansas and left my full time job to do so. So at the moment, I am uninsured. I would LOVE to take things slow and steady, but I get calls from my mother multiple times a day and she is driving me crazy. She means well and is mostly just excited, but she is deaf to my pleas for her to calm down and give me some space to figure things out. Even though my fiance wants to wait until October to get married, my mother would rather I do it in half that time and she is kind, but vocal in letting me know.
Thank you so much for the well wishes! I think it may come in handy. 🙂 Like you, the first thing I did was to get my timeline figured out. I got a great book to help me with that, “The Ultimate Book of Wedding Lists from Wedspace” There’s a lot in there that is much more traditional than I care to use, but it does help with the general timelines.
I don’t think I’d be stressed out as much if we had a bigger budget to put towards our wedding. I think right now I am jsut worried that if I don’t find some “deal” somewhere, we’re going to be up the creak without a paddle. :-/
Post # 7
Is your mother paying for the wedding? If the answer is no, then she doesn’t get a say in when or where it happens, (in my opinion). I know that sounds harsh but you don’t know my mother! Ha! I basically had to cut her off for 6 months.
Suggestion: You could just firmly explain that both of you are not prepared to finance this wedding yet. If your family has an issue with you living there unmarried, you could always just go to the courthouse and “make it official” and get legally married to get them off your back, and then start saving to have a ceremonial wedding and reception. No one has to know, but at least your mom will be satisfied knowing that you’re married.
Post # 8
My mother is helping with the wedding (at the moment she has considerably more saved up than I do) Happily, that miney is no strings attached. She’s made sure time and time againt hat I know that that money is mine, and she’s happy with whatever I do with it. My mother losther mother a few months ago and my wedding (even before I was engaged….) was something she just latched onto to try to cheer herself up. She isn’t trying to force me into anything, but she doesn’t seem to understand (even when I tell her straight out) that there are things I’m not ready to get into yet. When she tries to talk about things that I currently have no control over int he wedding (because I’m not there in the planning stages) it just stresses me out. She tries to make me feel better by reminding me that she will help out, but it’s just too much too fast.
Happily, my parents are completely ok with my boyfriend and I living in sin. 🙂 We lived together for a year before I even changed states with him, and my mother was the one to encourage me to go for it when I was hesitating. Bottom line is, my mom loves me and my fiance and wants to see us happy, but she’s too excited to listen to me TELL her what makes me happy, and is off in her own little happy land (which consequently stresses me out)
I jsut don’t know how to handle all of her energy. It’s exhuasting.
Post # 9
it really depends. I didn’t even see my venue until the day before my Destination Wedding.
Post # 10
I don’t know if that sounds more liberating or terrifying !
Post # 11
I didn’t see my venue either until I arrived – it was in Canada.
We didn’t get a date/place for about 5 months after the engagement. We just tossed around ideas prior to that.
Post # 12
So it seems like it’s absoultey ok to just relax a little bit and figure things out as I go. I’ll just tell my mom (again) how I feel, and if she keeps at it, I will get off the phone with her.
Post # 13
@Asia: Would you consider eloping? I have no interest in planning a huge wedding and inviting a bunch of people we’re not particularly close with. We’re both introverted people and that’s the last thing we want.
I’d start by being honest with yourself and asking yourself what you REALLY want. Not what mom wants, not what FI’s mom wants, etc. Weddings are expensive and if it’s not a priority, you will spend the next year of planning MISERABLE.
You just don’t strike me as one of those girls who has had her wedding planned on Pinterest for a year already lol. Nothing wrong w. that!
I think the first step is to set a budget. Don’t ask anyone to be in your wedding yet, until some details are decided.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2012 - Prairie Production- Chicago (loft)
I enjoyed the first 3 months- just being engaged…after that start with your venue/food…then work down to dj,photographer, video, ……then flowers, invitations, and dresses, then decor and gifts. Its really not that much if you block out what you should accomplish every month. Unlike most brides I did not let the wedding gown be the biggest issue. Shopping for that is exciting but you dont need 2 years to do it- you do however sometimes need to book a venue/caterer a year in advance so start with that.
Do your self a favor- start with the basic thing- pick the time of year you like and a budget.
If you are having a traditional recepion at a banquet hall/museum, etc with 150- 200 guests- you’ll usually spend 5- 10k more than you originaly thought so keep that in mind.
Make life easier and do a destination wedding- sometimes I think maybe I should have- so I wouldnt have so much stress about making things perfect.
Post # 15
What about Lake Tahoe? Would that seem appealing to you?
If found this site that seems to include quite a bit. Seems very reasonable!
(Go under WEDDINGS and there are tons of options, not all links work).
Post # 16
@canarydiamond: I definately wasn’t a preplanner. I was a pre-peaker, but only after we’d already decided to get engaged. 🙂 But I really never let myself make ideas about what I wanted.
I think I do want the wedding, and to spend time with my family. It’s just important to me that I’m not miserable while I figure it out.
HAPPILY!!! My mom is starting to calm down a little bit. She finally (and without prodding) told me that she would think about my wedding when she was sad about losing my grandmother. She would try to distract herself and cheer herself up with it, and it turned into something that neither of us wanted.
@langel86: That’s great advice, and pretty close to what I’m doing now. I don’t let myself get ahead of myself, and I’m taking things in managable portions. I’m still on the where bit, but I think we’ve figured out when. 🙂
@sienna76: Tahoe is B.E.A.UTIFUL! I’ve looked a bit, and it isn’t so far removed from our budget as some other places. I’m worried about getting people from out of town there, though, so for now, it’s on the back burner. Wonderful suggestion, though! 🙂