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Kind of. FH proposed to me without a ring. We kept everything hush hush because around here, people won't take you seriously without some sort of proof. Sad, I know, but that's just how it is. Anyway, FH told me that when he got me a ring that he would give me a formal proposal. The only people that know are my parents, his parents, my cousin and a few friends. Everyone else knows that we plan to get married next year and that's it.
I suppose the best advice I can give if it comes up in conversation is just to say that you know you're going to get married, you're just waiting on the best time to make everything official. That way, no one asks you about seeing a ring, well, most people won't. That's what I've been doing : )
Good luck and congratulations on your "unofficial" engagement
That's how it is around here: the first thing would be "THE RING THE RING BLAH BLAH" & I don't want to put myself in an awkward position.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only person who is in this situation. I think I've been very good about keeping it quiet, but dangit I want to tell the world! I guess I'm going to have to be patient until he decides when the best time is.
Thank you for your help, & congratulations to you, too! :)
We did.
My FH proposed to me in Disney World, in the summertime. He proposed again with a ring in December, right when I got home for Christmas break.
We didn't tell anyone about the first proposal - it's our secret. Now that the wedding is over, we're a little more lax about it. We'll tell people that didn't know us before the proposal that he proposed in Disney, but most of our families still assume it was the December one. It's not really that important anyway - after the wedding at least.
Though, I don't know if I would take "start planning a wedding" as a proposal - real or not.
It's definitely exciting that you're one step closer though!!
I too like the fact that our first proposal was a really big secrret between the two of us for several months : ) It still would be a secret, but my cousin saw us looking at rings one day and told my parents and then we HAD to tell FH's parents.
I've known for a while that he wants to marry me, but he was waiting on the day I'm done with school. He had told me to let him know what day I'm done as soon as I know, because he would want to get married "the next day."
So when I told him the date, he said to start planning a wedding. I didn't really take it as an official proposal...or really a proposal at all...just something we both thought was assumed. He said he would make the "official" proposal really special whenever we got together (although we get together every month, so it could be this month...could be August). I dunno. I just wish things would hurry up and be official.
I can understand why you feel like that!! Everyone wants to see the ring omg the right.. But congrats sounds like you wil get the ring very soon. Dont stress about someithing so small be happy!!
@Torrid:I went through exactly that and was "waiting" but also engaged for... the 6 months he was deployed, but moreso for the last 2 months.
Life is complicated.
Congrats, you're getting married!
This situation is so confusing! Im in the same boat! engaged but not "really engaged""
While on vacation in January, my SO & I talked long and hard abot marriage, we set a date and discussed some details. After this vacation my SO has been encouraging me to start the wedding planning (reserve a space, design invtation, pick a dress etc.) but I feel weird doing all this stuff without being "engaged". On top of that, our parents know and they are in full blown weddng planning mode which confuses me even more!
He always talked about how imp. proposing was to him, but now I feel that some of the magic of the proposol has worn off. I don't even want a ring, I just want a serious "Will you marry me" that I can tell everyone about. My SO also said to tell everyone I wanted, so maybe guys just dont see this situation as a problem. I have been contemplating talking o my SO about how awkward I feel about all of this, but he might feel Im pressuring him to propose..which I guess I kind of am
Can't really give advice on how to be patient while waiting for him to make it "officially" official because Im going crazy myself! But now we can be crazy togther LoL
@Torrid: Of course you can! I've been planning bits and pieces here and there since before I actually got the proposal. After he told me that he was going to marry me one day in the near future, I took that as an ok to start looking. I made a little folder on my computer and started saving pictures : ) I think it'll help me avoid being too stressed out when the wedding gets closer.
I think the "official" part is definitely going to go by a little slower because we don't live in the same city anymore, but I know it will at least happen in the next few months! But @MsFrancez I know what you mean. It can get awkward! But because I play sports for my school, take 21-credit hours a semester, & work, I think it's good I have so much time to plan because I can barely devote one night to eating dinner with my family.
But I'm just as antsy!
I've definitely made a folder called "Wedding Planning Stuff." :)
@Torrid: Well I never thought I would be the girl that was droping hints, and making sure to tell the BF which friend of mine is engaged now too.. BUT here I am! lol We have only been together for 10 months so that makes me fell even a little more silly. Especially when I hear the ladies that have waiting for five years. I don't think I would feel this way if we hadn't already talked about marriage sooo much! It's already know between the two of us that we will get married, we have talked about where, and have looked at rings a few times. Yet I am left waiting... soo just to make sure I wouldn't go absolutly crazy I started planning out some details of the wedding.. first just dresses...then flowers...location... songs... and now I just about have everything planned. UGH.. oh and I should mention we live together as well. So we are playing house, and I am ready to make it offical!!
All of our close friends and family know we want to get married. AND all my girlfriends know I am working on getting that proposal! lol We chat about wedding details and then end it all with sounds good now we just need to get that darn RING! :)
My engagement was similar to yours. We actually had a wedding date before the official proposal and ring. I understand that limbo feeling. I remember feeling a little jealous of girls with engagement rings, but I knew we were going to get married so I tried not to stress too much. Not that I always succeeded! I did feel funny saying I was engaged and then having people say "Where's the ring?" However, when my fiance DID give me a formal proposal and a ring, it was so special and, even though I knew we were getting married, I was surprised when he did it! He wanted to wait until the 2 year anniversary of our first date.
You can definately be excited and start researching and planning! And just trust that he will propose (officially) and wants it to be special. I'd encourage you to try not to ask him too many questions because then it takes away a little from his surprise.
@cafegirl
Asking questions is definitely something I've been trying not to do! To make sure I don't slip, I don't talk to him about the planning in general yet, except if he would like certain things, like the colors (I don't know why I bother, he doesn't seem to care one way or the other).
He knows it feels kind of awkward for me, because I did mention it once, but I haven't mentioned it again. At this point, I don't think I have to beat a dead horse. I really hope he does make it special, because he's not a romantic guy. >.> But I will have to trust him. He does know how to make me happy, so I'm sure I will be thrilled to death! :)<3
Thank you guys so much for your support & comments!
Congratulations :)
That is really exciting!
This happened to me sort of. We picked out a ring and got verbally enaged and he said I could start planning and he would do something special to give me the ring soon... so I put money down on a place and bought a dress and started planning, without the ring. It was awkward planning without one (not materialistic at all) but I got used to it after a while
I kept waiting for him to give me the ring. Anticipating, but it was getting too close for comfort and when I confronted him he said he needed a little more time so we should move the date back. This is when I realized I should've had the ring before planning.
I'm not saying your fiance will get cold feet or anything like this will happen to you, I pray it doesnt (it's painful) but in the end I realized doing things in the right order matters.
It's a happy ending, and about a year later he finally got around to giving me the ring and all the vendors I booked were gracious and let me reschedule-- but I just wish I had waited the first time around, mostly because I got my hopes so far up and had to go through the difficulty/pain of informing my family and friends that we were moving the date back.
If I were to do it all over again I would've waited for the ring, but I understand the excitement... so maybe just keep it on the down low and start gathering ideas but don't make deposits and tell the whole world until you have your ring, but close friends and family would love to share in your excitement!
aw thats sweet once your man says start planning your wedding you are now officially committed! unofficially engaged
you become officially engaged for the books when he goes through the motions and plops a ring, but to say plan a wedding, girl, you cant get clearer marriage commitment than that---Congratulations!
I considered myself engaged once hubby said let's look at rings and plan-we were vacationing in the carribean at the time.The ring came later a few weeks he had to order it he went on one knee by a beautiful lake, but I consider my proposal when he said let's look at rings, I was giddy
I was in your shoes - as of Christmas 2009 we knew we wanted to get married in New Hampshire summer of 2011 but had no ring or proposal. Since we were moving to Texas in June 2010 I started planning right away with my Mom. I didn't book anything but I got an idea of who I wanted for vendors and started looking in magazines, websites, bridal shows, etc for ideas on cakes, flowers, dresses, etc. It wasn't until he proposed in May 2010 that I finally started booking. That is when I went dress shopping and stuff - I had to cram it all in before I moved so my mom and BM could be part of it! So my advice is plan without planning - and only tell those who will understand. I got some weird looks from aquaintances who knew I was planning without a ring but who cares! My true friends understood! It wasn't real for me until I got the ring I guess - and I'm not a materialistic person at all - in fact my ring is a family ring and we (joint bank account so yea I guess I helped pay for my ring?) only spent $32 to get it sized lol so it's not like I was waiting for a big rock - just for him to formally ask!
I've been looking into venues I might like to have it (like going to their websites, I haven't physically gone there yet), but I'm not going to book anything until he formally asks. We have set a date, but I'd still like that formality to happen first.
I know he won't ask me any later than August...but knowing him, he'll probably take advantage of every day he has. :/ So I probably won't get the actual ring til August, & it's so hard because I'm bursting at the seams wanting to tell everyone! Not only that, but I had a very rude experience at a David's Bridal (the place where I incidentally love a dress) where they were very hesitant to let me look at dresses or try them on (Oleg Cassini!) because I didn't have a ring. They even point blank asked me, "Are you really engaged or are you just wanting to play dress up?" I was very hurt that a ring dictated how they treated me. I explained (even though I know I shouldn't have, it's none of their business) because I was so embarassed, but it made me so angry!
My parents (even my dad, shocker :O) have been really supportive & are excited for me! It's nice to know that my situation isn't unique, & that this happens a lot. Makes me feel less awkward, for sure! But even though I know a formal proposal is coming, I'm just as excited. I don't think it'll take away from the magic at all. :)
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So I found out a few weeks ago the exact date I'm going to be done with college: August 5th, 2012.
I told my boyfriend this...and he said to start planning a wedding!
Now, because he just got out of the Army, we live in different states at the moment (but we visit each other every month). I guess I'm not sure how to feel: I'm really excited, but I feel like I can't tell anyone yet that I'm planning a wedding. (My immediate family knows, but none of my friends). I guess it's because I don't want to have to deal with "OMG LET ME SEE YOUR RING!!" when I don't have mine yet.
He said he was going to propose formally to me, but what kills me is that I don't think it's going to be this month when he comes to visit. I'm afraid he'll wait til August, because he mentioned before that he doesn't want to be engaged longer than a year. :(
I don't know what to think. I'm ESTATIC but I feel like I'm not "really" engaged. Am I making sense? When I told him I want to tell people, he said to go right on ahead & tell whoever I want...but again it goes back to feeling awkward when people ask about the ring.
I hope I don't sound too materialistic. :(
Is there any advice anyone has for being patient & waiting for him to make it "officially" official? :S