Engaged to be engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We just sort of decided to get married and start planning, I don’t have a ring yet and I probably won’t until November. I figure that means we’re engaged, so I don’t have any bad feelings about it. Absolutely nobody has blinked twice at the fact that I don’t have a ring yet.

Pretty much everyone close to us knows, it is the worst kept secret of all time. We’ve told all the important people, he’s spoken to the guy he wants to be his best man, etc.  However, acquaintances etc don’t know. The lack of opinions from anyone but our parents and closest friends has been AWESOME during this planning period.

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

IMO, if you are actively planning a wedding, you are engaged, with or without a ring.  There’s nothing wrong with that!

Post # 5
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We’ve set a tentative date (actually August 2nd, 2015) and we’re working on making it happen, but we haven’t really told anyone yet in case we can’t make it work

Post # 6
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@prisigtr:  +1. i started planning without a ring. he proposed, and didn’t have a ring, but we started looking at rings and planning things.

i don’t think you have to have a ring to be engaged.

Post # 7
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My friends say I’m engaged to be engaged. My SO says it’s not official until he puts the ring on my finger. I disagree, but he won’t concrete plan anything until then.

Post # 8
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yup. No ring and planning. To us being engaged is when he actually ask me to marry him ( a ring isn’t needed but will be given when he ask). We started talking about what we wanted for our weddign and it turned into planning. There is no date set because we’ll pretty much be marrying 6-9 months after. So if we set a date I’ll know when he wants to propose and it’s suppose to be a suprise so at this time we are savign for the wedding and to move in with each other after we’re married. Only the few who knows we’re planning to get married soon thinks of us as engaged to be engaged. i won’t be tellign my family until I have the ring so when it is made public we’ll already have things picked and planned and just book things that needs to be booked and make things that needs to be made. It’s much easier this way because by time as we are engaed all we would have to do is put plan into action. No worrying or trying to figure things out and wondering what we’ll need, etc. Our engagement will be us enjoying time together and me getting closer with my cousins who will be my helper elves during crafting time (since I won’t be living in the house with them after I’m married)  

Post # 9
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@agraciana:  This sounds like us. We have dates on hold at our venue of choice, because we want to get married next spring and things book up fast. We have told our parents and our closest friends. My parents have let my out of town family know that getting married next spring is a big possibility. Right now I’m kind of regretting it though, because we thought he would be buying the ring this month and now it kind of seems like it might get pushed back a little bit more. I’m sort of feeling rushed and I’m not sure if I will be ready to plan a wedding so soon! We haven’t contacted any vendors besides the venue though, so at this point it will be easy to back out.

At the venue the lady asked “is this your fiance?” and we both looked at each other and laughed and said “Actually, we aren’t formally engaged yet” and she said “good for you! that’s smart!”

I actually disagree with most posters around here, and don’t consider us engaged and won’t until there is a “real” proposal and ring. That’s just me personally, though!

 

Post # 10
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you’re planning a wedding, it’s safe to call yourself engaged, but if you don’t want to formally announce it until you have x number of things settled, then that’s totally your prerogative. Do what you’re comfortable with! 

Post # 11
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@jessicadarling:  I feel similarly, but only because it makes sense for my life and my relationship. No ring and no proposal? That means that I’M not engaged. This is because we’ve been dating for 9 years, and would have married early in our relationship if we weren’t pragmatic. We talked wedding plans when we were 18, then again at 20. After undergrad, we checked out venues and made tons of vender inquiries, but dropped it again. Now, after living close to each other or together for close to a decade, being engaged needed to be more than “let’s start planning a party” — especially since we already feel married, and as far as the taxman is concerned, we are. The ring was VERY important to me, but I have unique circumstances. 

Post # 12
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@agraciana:  I think you are engaged, just dont have the ring yet! Which is totally OK, and I’m with you – I would probably wait for the official announcement for when I had the ring. But technically – you’re engaged. CONGRATS!

Post # 13
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Simply planning a wedding does not qualify as engaged.  If your SO actually ASKS you to marry him, but puts a cracker jack ring on your finger or a piece of ribbon while he saves up for a ring, then sure you’re engaged.  In fact, the value or presence of a ring is not required but it carries very heavy significance on a public scale.  But if he has not proposed at all in a manner where he requests your hand in marriage or in some formal way asks you to become his wife, then with all due respect, you are not engaged.  The fact that when it came up in conversation at the wedding he did not refer to you as his fiancee nor announce that you two were engaged is also important.  At this point you are not doing much more than window shopping while planning to buy. If he’s serious, he needs to propose and not leave you hanging on innuendo or assumptions.

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you are planning a wedding, you’re engaged.  Otherwise what are you?  You’re planning a wedding with your boyfriend?  That doesn’t make sense.

Post # 15
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I dun’t agree yes I’m planning OUR wedding with my boyfriend. Until he formally ask me if I want to marry him or question of that sort then I’m not engaged. And my SO introduces me as “the wife” to family and friends sooo… yeah lol. We have pretty much everything agreed on ( except date & venue) just not booked &/or bought. He has had full say in this so it’s not behind his back either. I think engagment depends on the couples definition tho. My SO & I definition isn’t the right or wrong way just ours because we do have friends say he’s my FI it’s up to you and as long as BOTH are in agreement screw what other ppl say.

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