Weddingbee boards

Can you get engaged without a ring?

what are your thought on this? Whenever someone says, "I'm Engaged" the next question is, "let's see the ring!"

I wondered if anyone decided not to get a ring and put the money toward something else - or if this is a tradition too deeply ingrained in our society to be changed.

We got engaged without a ring. I just used a ring he gave me when we first started dating until we could afford an actual engagement ring. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting engaged before you get the ring but a lot of people seem to think that if the guy can't afford a ring he shouldn't propose in the first place. To each their own I guess.

I agree that this is a personal choice. One thing to consider, however, is that society as a whole (I'm talking of American society here, not sure where you live), does expect a woman to have a ring when she is engaged. So if you are perfectly happy not having one, consider yourself engaged, are actively planning a wedding, I don't think it's fair to get frustrated and annoyed when people ask, "Where's the ring?!" I think you would have to go into the situation ready with your patient reply and ready for people to judge you for your preference. I think most younger, open-minded people would know not to ask about a ring. Just like we know not to talk about having children when a couple is married, with fertility being an issue or personal choice not to have children. But older generations are still very much stuck on these traditions and they can be a little obsintate in opening their minds to that fact that not all women want an engagement ring or a big wedding or a white dress, or to have children, etc. 

So I guess my point is that, do what makes YOU happy, but also do it knowing that not everyone will understand, so just make sure you are patient with those who might not understand your perspective. 

We didn't go the e-ring route. We wanted to use the money on other things. When people found out I was engaged, they would always ask about a ring. It didn't bother me to tell them we were using the money we would have spent toward that on other things. We're really thrifty people, so I think it made sense to the people who know us best.

When people say there engaged and I don't see a ring, i usually dont believe them. I mean even if its just a cheap ring for now, its atleast something. But i guess it all depends on the person. My sister never wanted a ring when she got engaged, but she got one anyways.  

thanks everyone for your comments. it was really interesting to read the different perspectives on this. i think that is really difficult to seem "genuinely engaged" without a ring when north americans are so stuck on the idea of this one piece of jewelry.

what actually happened is that my fiance proposed on NY eve with a plastic ring from one of those 25cent machines. He wanted to get me a ring but wanted to see what I liked first, etc. So we considered ourselves engaged privately and our families knew but I felt like I couldn't tell friends about it because I didn't have a real engagement ring yet.

Just 2 days ago he surprised me with a real ring! a round 1.5carat solitaire! So now I have done the facebook status update and openly shown that I am engaged. I feel guilty/stupid for buying into the ring madness and not shouting to the world that i was engaged until i got that ring.

kudos to you ladies who were brave enough to go against the grain and endure the questions and judgements from others.

I was proposed to without a ring.  my FI just blurted it out in his way one day.  plus he wanted to take me to choose a ring.

I told him that I didn't need one, that I was happy.  We were engaged for about 4 months, and then he sprung a ring shopping day out of the blue on me.  And I showed him one I had originally been eyeing off.  He then surpised me with that ring on Easter.

But I don't consider myself any less engaged because there was no ring at the proposal.

My sister didn't have an engagement ring at all, because they designed her this huge doozy of a wedding ring that takes up her whole knuckle.  That was 17 years ago, and yes, bridal store attendants were rude to her when trying on dresses because they thought she was wasting their time.  So she made her own dress.

ivorybuttons - after reading that you kept it a secret for 6 weeks until you got the ring, i feel less guilty about doing the same thing!

I think it's a personal decision. I know people who would not consider themselves engaged without a ring,and that's fine. For me, the engagement ring is an important symbol to me, but I did not need it to be engaged. We talked about getting engaged and ordered the ring, but it wasn't in when my partner proposed. We didn't need it. I will say it did get annoying how often people asked to see "the ring" and ... well, there was a ring, but it wasn't on my finger (it took over 6 weeks to come in, which is its own vent and story!). Also, I sort of enjoyed saying "fiance" and tha i was engaged and watching people's eyes dart to my left hand.