Post # 1
Well let me tell you a little history about our relationship. I got a agreement not a proposal.We have been together for 8 years. There was a proposal without a ring in 2007 and we were supposed to be married 10/10/10 but unfortunatly my Big Baby got cold feet. That was a very hard time for me but we worked through it. We love each other very much but I want to be Wifey not a long term gf.I know him more than anyone in this world and If something was to happen to him I probably wouldn’t even be acknowledged. He on ther other hand calls me his wife already but didn’t really want to get married because of all the marriages he has seen fall apart. This year we came to an agreement that because it means so much to me that we can get married. Now our agreement is that he chose the date and I can plan as long as I don’t bother him about the wedding till January.
I don’t have a engagement ring but I really don’t care as long as I get to get married. I might not even get a ring at all. I want to get a tattoo on my ring finger. But when you tell people you are engaged they automaticallylook for a big rock on your finger.How am I suppose to react to the reaction of other people, because we are doing things a little different? And are you suppose to get the ring tattoo closer to the wedding during the engagement?
Post # 3
@eternalsmiles: I think his lack of interest bothers me more than the ring…You don’t need a ring to be engaged and if someone asks about it then you say you are holding off until you find the right one or that you will be going for something less traditional. I got an e-ring but will not get a wedding band and that is fine with me. It is about the marriage and not about the ring 🙂
If you are gong the tattoo route then maybe you can get the e-ring part done sooner and the band part done after (I think I would do both the day of the wedding or day after):
Post # 4
@eternalsmiles: How am I suppose to react to the reaction of other people, because we are doing things a little different? And are you suppose to get the ring tattoo closer to the wedding during the engagement?
I would not get any tattoo until I was married. Even then, I’d opt for a simple gold band. The dude can show some level of committment by buying a band.
Post # 5
he asked the first time in april. i didn’t get a ring until the middle of june.
a ring does not make an engagement. a proposal makes the engagement. the ring is just something sparkly that goes on your finger.
Post # 6
I would get engaged without a ring. I don’t care for most materialistic things though. I care about what a ring stands for, but your relationship still stands for those same things whether or not you have a ring. As for dealing with other people being annoying, just tell them to butt out. Your relationship is none of their business.
Post # 7
Hmmm… I would seriously re-think the ring tattoo. I know all tats like that don’t automatically jinx a relationship, but it doesn’t sound like he wants to marry you. Not because of the lack of the ring.. but just his general sentiment. He’s giving in because it’s what you want, he is probably just doing this so you stop mentioning it.
I obviously don’t know your relationship, so he might be an awesome guy, but stay away from permanent ink please. And yeah, you’d ink it AFTER you wed.
Post # 8
i got engaged a few months ago and the spur of the moment. There was no crazy big proposal, but it was just perfect. We went and found a ring a week or two later. He put a deposit on the ring of my dreand so it’s gona take a while to pay off. My so said he won’t tell me when he has the ring and will ask me properly. we already consider ourselves engaged, e asked and I said yes. That’s what important. My man asked me to not tell anyone except my closest friends because he knows they will wonder where my ring is and with Xmas and him paying off some of his grandfathers debts it will likely be end of jan. i understand your concern about having no ring and I feel the same bit wanting to tell people until I have one. But I would also be more worried about how reluctant he seems to be to get married. It’s not something I would want my SO to do because I wanted it. I know I would end up resenting him. I don’t expect my bf to get excited about little wedding details like i will but I do expect him to be excited about marrying me.
Post # 9
@payless That’s a good idea to tell them that were holding off and that were not doing the traditional route. Thanks for the advice
Post # 10
i didn’t have a ring for the first month of my engagement. people asked to see my ring and i would tell them i would have it soon enough, the proposal was more important than the ring.
Post # 11
Not everyone needs a ring and that’s ok. My sister-in-law told my brother straight up that she did not want a ring, she’d rather have him put that money towards their house. It worked out just fine for them. Like others have said, I wouldn’t go the ring tattoo route, they get old, fade, need touching up and can look super ugly as they age.
As long as you know that you guys want to be together and are planning to get married and you’re ok with that that’s all that matters.
Post # 12
I would not get engaged without a ring. I wanted my guy to have some skin in the game, so to speak. It sounds like you are engaged and planning on your own, which is not at all what it should be.
Post # 13
@lilrhodygem I didn’t say that he would not buy me a ring. I personally am not caught up on the bling of the ring or need a ring to prove that I’m in Love and going to change my last name. I would rather have a tattoo then a gold band but that’s just me I LOVE Tattoos
Post # 14
@colorofmyheart and @mrspanda99 I 100% agree with you Both
Post # 15
I’m engaged without a ring, no venues or vendors have ever given us any flack about it. I thought they might, but nobody was ever like “oh where’s your ring?”. I’m getting a ring in a matter of weeks. I’m totally excited but that’s beside the point.
I would be more concerned about the fact that he’s asked you not to “bother him” about the wedding.
Anyhow, the ring doesn’t make the engagement.
Post # 16
@eternalsmiles: The engagement means that two people are planning to get married. The ring is just a symbol of the true engagement. We went ring shopping well after deciding to get married. It just wasn’t in our immediate financial priority. It didn’t mean we were ”less” engaged or ”less serious” than those who had a formal proposal or a ring already. This is just what society and even marketing expects you to do because they are selling more. FI’s ring cost 42$ and mine 124$. And we wouldn’t have spent a penny more, it was PERFECT to us. And we could have gone without a ring also. It wasn’t the most important thing to us. What was important, was that the choices we’d made would represent us, our beliefs, our values, our personalities, etc. What it represents to you both, how committed you are to each other and will be when you are married, is what an engagement is truly about.