Post # 1
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, but I’m not really sure how to approach my fiance about it. We got engaged when I was 20 and he was 22, just starting his first job out of university. As a result he couldn’t afford to do the whole “3 months salary rule”. My ring is a .48 ct solitare, but I now feel like it is too small/I would like a bigger diamond.
I think I feel this way partly because I do wish we had waited to get engaged a little longer, and if we had waited until now, I would have been able to get the ring of my dreams.
So how do you bees think I should bring this up to my fiance? I feel like he may be offended to hear me talk about updrading the center stone, but I know we can afford it (he’s a doctor and we have no debt, minimal bills) – I just know that it wouldn’t be of the same importance to him as it is to me.
Your opinions and advice would be really helpful! 🙂
Post # 3
Hmm. Touchy subject. I’d maybe carefully talk to him about it. Also, be careful with the “my money” “his money” thing – once your married, depending on how you divide finances, that may not really matter. Especially with something as expensive as a diamond, using “your” money now basically takes away from savings you would have had to use jointly for more critical things down the road – like a house, your future children’s education savings, retirement savings, security savings, etc.
Really think about this – is a stone that costs thousands of dollars really more important to you than setting up a better financial foundation for you and your husband when you already have a beautiful ring?
Post # 4
How old are you now? Are you at a stage where you’re financially more comfortable?
Post # 5
We’re not married yet, but this is what it looks like on my hand with my wedding band that I got a few weeks ago. My finger is a sz 6. I would like to upgrade to at least a full carat center stone.
Post # 6
I really think that looks great on your finger. Especially with the wedding band.
Post # 7
This is an EXTREMELY touchy subject for men. I was having the same thoughts as you (we were actually in the same situation) and I caught my ring on something, causing the prong to bend back. I told him I was no longer comfortable wearing the ring (completely true) due to the broken prong and he suggested that I had worn that ring for long enough and deserved something better. He let me pick out a beautiful bridal set that I absolutely love! I’m not saying break your ring, but my e-ring was under $200 so I think he had it in his mind that we would upgrade sooner or later.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t upgrade your ering before you’re even married, that’s kind of too soon in my opinion. Maybe for a fifth anniversary or something you can get a really nice right hand ring?
Post # 9
I think it’s a touchy subject… I don’t know how your fiancé would react but personally, I think a 0.48 is quite a nice size for a ring. (I have a smaller one at 0.35 and I never want to upgrade). I think your ring looks really pretty in the picture. Very dainty and beautiful 🙂
But if you’re really unhappy with it, I guess it’s worth finding out what your fiancé thinks. He might be happy with the idea if he actually wanted to get you a bigger one but was prevented in doing so due to budget. Has he ever mentioned anything along those lines?
Post # 10
I agree with the PP about waiting for an upgrade.. I personally don’t agree with the “three months salary” idea.. But thats just me.. I’d think an upgrade at 5 years or 10 years is a good solution & logical.
Post # 11
We are 24 and although had we waited a few more months could have afforded a bigger ring but i had my heart set on this one. Its not the size really that matters its that he picked it with love knowing i loved it.
Post # 12
I would casually bring it up, maybe on an anniversary or something, upgrade and find something unique to do with the original stone for sentiment sake
Post # 13
I agree with jo.lee, wait until after you are married, maybe for an anniversary. Ii think my FI would be offended if i asked for an upgrade before the marriage.
Post # 14
@crayfish: Yes, we plan to join finances once we are married. In terms of saving, while there are always things that we could/will save for, we already own our house, cars, etc and are financially stable. The only big thing that we’re currently putting money aside and saving for is to build our dream home- something we don’t plan to do for at least another 6-7 years.
The reason I’m apprehsive is not because I’m worried about affording it, but because even though my fiance comes from a well off family they have always minimized the importance of material things. For example, while his mom could afford to have a huge, gorgeous ring, she didn’t see the point and has a small one with a fake diamond after she lost her real one a few years ago.
@shaunna: I’m 22 now. My fiance is 25.
Post # 15
Another way to think about it is that the ring you have is a part of your history together (can you tell I’m the sentimental type?). That’s a consideration both for you and him, because he might have attachments to that ring himself, either because of what it symbolized for your relationship, or the cost relative to what he was earning at the time.
Question: does he know that you had a “ring of your dreams”?
Post # 16
i would wait for an anniversary or something – you have a beautiful ring though! and if you are upgrading just the diamond i dont see that as a huge issue ya know? the settings are gorgeous… its just trying to voice it without coming across as ungrateful which is why i personally would wait – i wouldnt want to hurt his feelings.