Post # 1
My BF finally proposed on my birthday after 7 years. When he proposed I was ecstatic but within a week or two afterwards I have begun to doubt his proposing for the following reasons –
a) I was on the verge of leaving him due to his lack of commitment to our relationship and other issues. i didn’t tell him I was leaving but he knew I was unhappy
b) Immediately after proposing he kept saying we wouldn’t be getting married for years and years (and kept repeating this). We are both in our 30’s.
c) He didn’t propose with a ring and when we went ring shopping he has set a very small budget. So small that in most jewellers there are only one or two rings in the whole shop within budget. He is not strapped for cash and has plenty of money to spend on himself and going out.
d) I overheard him bragging to his friend that he proposed on my birthday to save money so he wouldn’t need to buy me a birthday present and a ring.
e) I have sugguested a small wedding abroad. My bf has said he wants a (large) wedding at home with all his family. Yet when I suggested we open a joint savings account to save money in every month he veto’d this on the basis he couldn’t afford it. So far he has saved zero towards the wedding.
f) I told him that I didnt want an engagement ring and he replied, ‘oh good I can get a cheap one then!’ So I told him I didn’t want one full stop.
I feel like my bf has proposed just to keep me from leaving and has no intention of marrying me ever.
Post # 3
@Purplefurrydice: Ok. You’ve made him sound like the cheapskate of all times who feels lukewarm about you at best. Do you really want to sign up for a lifetime of this?
Tell me some good things about this guy and why you would want to marry him …
Post # 4
Getting engaged won’t fix any of your issues.
If you were about to leave him because of problems in the relationship, it’s a really bad idea to get married. Having an engagement with no end in sight will also strain your relationship further.
Sounds like it’s time to leave.
Post # 5
trust your gut instinct on this one…if you have to ask questions you need to investigate this further…
Make sure you have all these issues sorted out…I would suggest you address the joint account, your together 7 years so a joint account to save together should be a reasonable request.
Why did you tell him you didnt want an e-ring, was it because you felt he really didnt want to purchase one for you?
Can I ask how old you guys are?
If you were about to leave because of his lack of commitment and other problems there are most definatly issues to sort out
Post # 6
So, why do you want to marry him?
Post # 7
To be honest the first 5 years was great. He’s a kind, funny, reliable, hard working, laid back guy (the opposite of my dad). In someways he’s very much a steady Eddie which I like as I don’t like guy that run up debts (like my dad did) just so they can buy fancy cars, holidays, etc.
Cracks started to show due his lack of commitment, and then my father died last year. To be honest he was not as supportive as I would have liked him to have been. I put this down to the fact he has never lost a close relative (both his parents are alive) therefore, he doesn’t know how to deal with death (or how stressful it is to organise a funeral).
Funnily enough he has never been tight with money until now. I told him I didn’t want a engagement ring as I was fed up of looking and I couldn’t find one I wanted within the budget he was willing to pay. Before, I told him this, he told his sister the reason I didn’t have one was because I only liked expensive ones. For him it is all about the cost for some reason.
To put this into context I don’t wear an huge amount of jewellery so any anything I do wear I have to really love. Therefore, for me to wear an engagement ring everyday I would need to love wearing it. Cost is irrelevant. The only piece of jewellery I wear everyday is a ring that cost me £65 because I love it and it makes me smile.
I kind of though that when he proposed he would have gone back to the person I knew before.